Annoyed about this - am I unreasonable?

[Gatorgator]

Dh has worked from home (as usual) since the start of this and I’ve had the two dc all the time. I’ve not actually had any time away from them in 8 weeks. After work dh goes for a run or a walk on his own.
Now the golf course has reopened. He’s playing twice over the weekend. I’ve asked if I can meet a friend for a socially distant walk and leave the children here and apparently I can’t because I have ‘all the time’ in the week. I’ve pointed out the children are not supposed to come with me and I just want some adult conversation without being asked for something every two minutes but apparently the weekend is ‘family time’ unless it’s for golf. It’s really annoyed me. Basically if he can now golf at the weekend his life is back to normal as that’s a normal week for him. Working from home, golf all day on a Saturday.
Whereas I’ve not seen anyone for weeks and weeks apart from my children and him and not even him all that much.
I only wanted an hour. He’s gone off on one about it.

Tell him you are going out at half nine so he will have to get up then and be with his children. Not sleep while you are with them. Don't ask. Tell. He did.

And start considering what an entitled git like this brings to your life

None of this is in any way normal. Does he control you physically, too?

He's worried that you might be meeting another man all the time?
So many levels of wrong.
Men who accuse their partners of cheating are usually doing it themselves, you know. Seen it so many times on here.
This gets worse with every update, OP.

Can you meet a friend in the evening? It's pretty light till 9ish

Just adding my voice to the many here. This is NOT NORMAL. You are being abused and controlled. You seem very afraid of this man and his reactions. Basically a slave to him.

If it's unclear to you what's going on, have a Google for the signs of abusive relationships and see how many boxes you tick.
Your problem is not how to go for a walk despite your husband's refusal, your problem is not that your husband goes to golf and it's not fair, your problem is not whether the weeend is family time.

Absolute bastard.

Get out that walk, it needs to be the small victory you need to start letting the scales fall from your eyes about this prick, your abusive relationship and your future plans.

I am a golf widow too so I empathise.

I am secretly glad that the courses are still closed in Scotland but I think pressure will mean it won’t be long before they start up again. As my DH keeps telling me it’s by far the easiest group sport to apply social distancing to.

However I have already said that while we are in this lockdown limbo if the golf starts back up that it will be on a ‘time for time’ basis if he goes - so if he buggers off for 4.5 hours to play golf, I get 4.5 hours back to myself and that does not mean going to do chores like the supermarket shopping, it means 4.5 hours solo leisure time.

He agreed.

It’s only a fair balance. You’re not being u reasonable at all, your DH is. Especially twice at the weekend.

As PP have said I wouldn’t even ask, when he gets back from golf get straight in the car and disappear for 4.5 hours. He’ll quickly get the point.

Oh fgs. This is ridiculous and you are allowing it. Why are you asking for an hour off?

If he's playing golf on Saturday say you are taking yourself off on Sunday.

Go out for a walk on his lunch break and or when he finishes work. Just have your walking gear on and leave.

And why are you saying your job is not as important or difficult as his?

My ex was like this (but without the jealousy). I left, but before that I started to really stand up for myself and not be walked over. I remember how shit it was, him saying "no" or causing a row whenever I needed him to just do normal things like look after our daughter: urgh

This is ridiculous and you are allowing it. Why are you asking for an hour off?
She's been conditioned by her abusive partner to the extent that she can't see clearly any more. Presumably if she "just" did what she wanted, she would pay for it in some subtle or less-than-subtle way.

I would literally leave over this. Horrible selfish man. Plus I bet he wears really lame golfing trousers. Seriously though...you are right to be very very very upset over this utter lack of love and support.

OP I broke up with my DP on Monday as he's been too busy to see me in 4 months (he lives 20 mins away), but as soon as the golf course reopens, he's suddenly got all the time in the world to go and whack a ball aimlessly round a field. YADNBU.

Op, it sounds like you're in a controlling relationship. Speak to Women's Aid.

It is not normal to live like this.

He’s said no, it won’t be open for discussion now.

Your yes/no are just as powerful as his (or would be if you were in a healthy relationship.)

He was angry I’d even asked

What is it that you're afraid of? How does he act when he's angry?

He’s said no, it won’t be open for discussion now. He was angry I’d even asked.

I'm shocked at you saying this. Forget the hour with a friend. You need an appointment with a solicitors.

Where else does he control you? What was life like before lockdown, were you allowed out then?

Why do women put up with this shit??

I don't ask DH if I can do something, I tell him!

His work has been quiet so he's been watching films when there whilst ive been working from home, teaching our 4 year old and ignoring the 2 year old causing havoc... I get no peace as trying to keep on top of the cleaning/washing/hovel of a house so on Saturday I left him to it.

Holed up in our bedroom and binge watched Netflix eating leftover chinese in bed.

I'm in work tomorrow so walking home with my headphones in then will have a glass of wine and bubble bath as he's working all weekend.

He plays on his computer to unwind or goes fir the odd run.

Has he always been like this?

Your partner is controlling and abusive. You need to get some support.

What a nasty prick he sounds.

What do you mean your job isn't as important as his? Raising two little people is an incredibly important job, and I say that as the one with the 'big' outside job in my relationship. Free time should be equal. If he gets to go out for an hour/evening/day, you get the same time away from the children (which is also your job).

Who the hell does he think he is?

Have you decided what to do @Gatorgator? I would love to hear that you just told him you were going for a walk with your friend (and you're planning to make it a regular event) Keep posting on here for support

Discussion? Arsey? Angry? So?

Why does he have total power of veto over you.

He shows anger and you immediately crawl to do what he wants.

You feel anger and ... you still immediately crawl to do what he wants.

Just go out. Come back 3 hrs later. Every weekend. So what if he gets a face on?

Don't be such a doormat. No way would I ask permission to go for a walk. Just go.

I don't understand why you have to ask. Just get your coat when he's sat down and leave the house. He'll have to look after his own children then!

WTF? This isn’t right. Why are you only having an hour anyway? You should be getting the same amount of time away from the kids as he’s having golf! This is not ok. I’d be looking to split in your situation I’m afraid. Then you’d have every other weekend to yourself. Do you really even have romantic feelings for this arsehole after this? He’s treating you like an employee. It’s quite frankly disgusting. I hope you’re not reliant on him financially are you? This is just awful.

This is abusive OP. Not letting someone have any time off is treating them like a slave. Why does he get to decide what you do with your time? Why does he get the lie in til noon and not you? Why does he not do equal parenting at the weekend? Why is he more deserving of a hobby? Because he is an abusive controlling prick who thinks because he is a man you should do what he says. You really need to work out a plan so you can leave.