new covid guidelines: is everyone in a non-live-in relationship still not seeing their partner?

[SenselessUbiquity]

Given that there has been no mention at all of social interaction beyond:
1 - meeting one other person outdoors at a distance of 2m
2- in the relatively far off future, being possibly able to socialise in "bubbles" with one other household thus facilitating childcare etc

basically if you are in a relationship with someone whose household or day to day life you do not share, there is no mention at all of when that will resume.

What does that realistically mean in terms of what people are actually doing?

• following the rules to the letter? for as long as it takes?
• saying "fuck it" and meeting indoors and being physically close anyway, in secret?
• somewhere in between?

Please tell me the truth. I won't tell a soul!

@diege I'm sure you're right, we are invisible - fingers crossed they can bring in the extended bubble thing soon!!!

@GuiltyBark It's really interesting to read what you said there, I've been wondering if I'd be really awkward around DP and that's part of why I don't want to meet up and stay 2m apart as that only adds further possible awkwardness. I think it's going to be quite overwhelming, when we are back together!

It was definitely overwhelming and unexpected - like in a dream where everything is in slow motion or just "off" - it did wear off as time passed though.

Also that comment from Harries about "testing your relationship" was just ridiculous. My relationship isn't an experiment it's my LIFE. I'll move it along or fuck it up my own way in my own time thank you very much!

GuiltyBark this is interesting. My bf and I have just agreed that as long as things move in the right direction with the health data etc we are going to meet in a fortnight (and spend the night).

I felt very much the same as you: that there comes a point where the damage to our relationship from lack of intimacy would become irreversible and that the government was never going to give clear guidance so it was down to us to do our own risk assessment.

I am now more or less satisfied that the benefits outweigh the risks so I can live with what risk there is. If I’m wrong... but I wasn’t prepared to put a valuable relationship on ice indefinitely.

I think we will also do it initially on a fortnightly basis so if one of us does become unwell we can quarantine. I am hoping that in a month or so there will be further relaxation.

I suspect a lot of people will be doing similar.

I wish I could do the same as you guys, @GuiltyBark and @thepeopleversuswork ..... I just can't get myself comfortable with the risk of my DP bringing the virus into my home. I'd never forgive myself if we went against the guidance and someone got sick as a result especially my kids. DP is in a shared house and although he's being super careful, he still has to use a kitchen that others use. I think I'd feel better if he lived on his own. I'm prone to anxiety and have an over active guilt complex which is not a good combination in this situation!

Ah no, there’s no point @firebrand123 if it will make you worry. Hopefully it will be eased a bit more soon so you can feel ok with seeing each other.

I'm actually really surprised how many of you are not seeing your partners. I just couldn't do it.

I'm (finally) seeing DP tomorrow to sit and chat outside somewhere. I really really don't know if I'll manage to stay two metres apart and I don't even know if I want to. Has anyone managed to see their partner at a distance?

firebrand I'm also quite anxious about it as my DP also lives in a shared house: we've agreed that from this weekend onwards he will self-isolate within the home (ie will only use common areas when there's no-one in them and he has his own bathroom) for a two-week period. He's furloughed so won't go out other than to shop. Then we'll rinse and repeat after we meet so won't meet more than once a fortnight over the next six weeks or so.

It is a risk, I'm not going to lie, and if the infection rate goes up again we'll call it off. At the start of lockdown I was primarily worried about not infecting my DD. As time has gone by I have become more comfortable with this due to the fact that children while not immune are clearly at much lower risk than older people. I now think I am probably at greater risk than my DD and its a risk I'm prepared to take.

But I have got to a point now where I am not prepared to be in a holding pattern indefinitely and have a good relationship suffer or decline due to what is now a declining risk, particularly when its clear that some of the social interactions which are now sanctioned by the government are now riskier than this but there's never likely to be any guidance for us.

I have just finalised plans for a socially distanced meeting with my boyfriend tomorrow. I am excited to see him, but also unsure how I will feel having to stay 2 metres away from him.

I think I said in a previous post that if nothing changes in the guidelines we may meet up indoors regardless. We had a brief chat this week about that and about "bubbles" and I'm not sure we will be able to do so. Ordinarily we both live alone, we are both currently working from home, we only go to the supermarket once a week, and I think both of us would be fine with visiting each other homes in those circumstances .

However at the moment, he has has two close family members living with him temporarily, and one of them has just started work in a care home, so things are a bit more complicated. We wouldn't be a closed circle, and he is concerned that if his relative brings the virus to his home, he may bring it to me. There is nobody else in my home for it to be passed to, and I would be ok taking the risk of catching it myself, but I would then risk taking it to the supermarket. We need to properly risk assess and make a decision. If guidelines allow us to be in a bubble then we would probably do that, is at that point the general risk would be low. If bubbles aren't introduced, I am not sure what the decision would be. I don't think I can go too much longer like this though.

I had a chat with my bf recently and ended up getting pretty upset because he's refusing to see me at the moment. I understand it would be breaking the lockdown but I just wonder at what point he (or anyone) will view it as acceptable. Six months? 12 months? Till there's a vaccine? I said this to him and he said of course not, but it's on my mind a lot. We've done long distance before, but generally never more than a few months. Beyond a certain point I think too much damage may be done and it's a very upsetting thought.

But everyone is going to get this bug at some point. Are you never going to see your partners again ?

@Bramblebear92 - we are in the same position. We have met for a 2 meter walk a couple of times. We had to do that as I felt our relationship was not going to survive. If it gets to end of June with no change then we will break the guidelines and visit each other at home. I can’t be in a relationship where I don’t see my partner.

@Smile me too. It's funny because he is a bit of a hypochondriac at the best of times 😂 And more obedient than I am, but in this we are in total agreement. We both had really miserable times in the past, before we met, and are quite old, so I think that's focussed our minds. Life is too short to be apart from the person you love.

You’re going to get this virus at some point, it’s pretty much inevitable and the Government recognises that. The only reason for the initial period of distancing was to slow the spread to a point the NHS didn’t get overwhelmed. That job’s done. If there’s a second spike, THEN we should go back to stricter isolation but, again, purely to stop it crashing the health system.

I’m lucky to be living with my partner. I wouldn’t begrudge anyone, or think them foolish, to be seeing their non-live-in DP at this point in the cycle though. I certainly won’t be snitching on any neighbours I see doing it.

Quite. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow !

I think my dp got quite upset about me seeing my best friend today for a distanced long walk. It was great, we chatted for hours. My DP and I agreed we didn't want to do this as it was too hard and wanted to meet properly when allowed... however he is completely alone and I know hes feeling shit tonight.

My friend said to me today I may as well meet with him now as this isn't gonna change. They don't care about partners who don't live together, it's just seen as a seperate household and if we go into a tougher lockdown again I would of wished I'd seen him.

... this really got me thinking. at this point I think I'm nervous to even see my partner and that isn't good is it? So basically I'm torn and thinking of asking if he wants to come over tomorrow 😬😬

Absolutely do it. Our relationships are under such a strain just from the everyday stress of lockdown. Not being able to see each other is inhumane. My DS pointed out that a right to family life is actually a human right. Just do it and don’t feel guilty. Anyone who judges you for it has a heart of stone. And a brain of blancmange.

Even if bubbles are introduced you would supposed to be 2m away from those people so no point holding out for that.

@Jane1978, the bubbles idea would mean two households or whatever could function as one, I think. But who knows if that will happen.

Both me and my DP are living alone. He's visited at weekends a few times. My neighbour's girlfriend stays at weekends too.

Those weekends make my life worth living! He's the person Iike being with the most in the world. During the week I turn off my laptop (I'm working from home) have a cup of tea and go to bed as there's no point to being awake. That's not healthy.

How are you guys doing it with regards to going to and from? I worry what my neighbours think so feels like sneaking about as if teenagers

Screw the neighbours, it’s really none of their business. And I highly doubt that Plod will be bothered if they report it, or turn up to tick you off.

When did so many people in this country get so keen on reporting the behaviours of other people anyway? Too many Fail readers around, with WAY too much spare time on their hands.