new covid guidelines: is everyone in a non-live-in relationship still not seeing their partner?

[SenselessUbiquity]

Given that there has been no mention at all of social interaction beyond:
1 - meeting one other person outdoors at a distance of 2m
2- in the relatively far off future, being possibly able to socialise in "bubbles" with one other household thus facilitating childcare etc

basically if you are in a relationship with someone whose household or day to day life you do not share, there is no mention at all of when that will resume.

What does that realistically mean in terms of what people are actually doing?

• following the rules to the letter? for as long as it takes?
• saying "fuck it" and meeting indoors and being physically close anyway, in secret?
• somewhere in between?

Please tell me the truth. I won't tell a soul!

The whole labelling and judgement thing is beyond ridiculous. A relationship is about your commitment to each other, not where you live. There's plenty of examples just on this board which show that cohabitation doesn't necessarily lead to a better relationship! And at the age of 42 having had a number of relationships, including cohabiting, I can recognise how good my current relationship is and how much of a partner my DP really is....

Anyway.

@ohnoitsnot I'm thinking of doing what you did. I just find it all so overwhelming.. just thinking of seeing my DP after all this time is almost too much!

There is nothing in the legislation about keeping two metres away, and you are allowed to meet up with one other person. It may be against the guidelines, but as long as it is just two people meeting there is nothing in law to stop you.

@dragonsanddinosaurs Whether it's law or just guidance, the government are repeatedly saying every day that you can meet 1 person from outside of your household, outdoors, provided you stay 2metres apart.

@Badhairday101 that totally changed my mind too, nannies and cleaners . Nannies aren’t socially distanced from the kids they care for. It’s really scandalous actually

Exactly - a lot of this stuff is just guidance - the NPPC document I linked to is actually the legislation and you can move households legally

It's so confusing!!!!

My partner and I go for a walk together 3-4 times a week, without touching. I'd kill for a cuddle.

@Mabelface you must have so much self control!!

I haven’t seen my partner since February. He lives in Ireland. We usually meet every 2 to 3 weeks.

He is thinking about travelling soon. There is no guidance, we can’t mix households but people can arrive from other countries within quarantine? We are both working from home.

@Mabelface why dont you ? If you lived together you would be able to, absolutely crazy you can’t

I can't be arsed with that. I'm a fifty year old woman and I'll touch my partner if I want 😃

That's the reason that, for me at least, meeting up after 7 weeks, only to stand 2 metres apart, would actually feel worse than not meeting at all. I know I'd make a lunge for him and end up running after him like a Benny Hill sketch!

@Smilethoyourheartisbreaking that's pretty much our situation! To be honest, sometimes I think I'd be happy just to be "engaged"!so it sounds a bit committed.

So glad I found this thread. DP and I have been taking everything seriously I.e. going out as little as possible for essentials, not seeing anyone else, both working from home.

We literally might as well be living together for how we're isolating except 10 miles apart. Will be going this weekend.

Hope it comes up in the questioning/briefs soon.

I hope so too but I don't hold out much hope. Non cohabiting couples aren't helpful to the economy so not even on the government's radar. Unfortunately. They're not actually interested in people or they'd have made some mental health decisions, rather than purely economic ones, by now.

I found this article which mentions that SAGE have been discussing the whole "bubble" concept but it says that daily infections need to come down to 5000 max before further easing is looked at...

www.theguardian.com/politics/2020/may/14/englands-covid-19-infection-rate-too-high-for-further-easing-experts-say

So, I guess there are conversations going on behind the scenes that could impact us but the government aren't sharing anything and we have a long way to go in terms of a drop in new infections.

Lilactree you asked me this days ago. No, we definitely won't break up (unless he wants to of course). I know that comparing the war has become a bit of a cliche but if my nan and grandad managed 3 years separation, then we can manage too. I anticipate a treatment sooner than a vaccine. I live in hope.

New infections are at 24 a day in London, but 4000 a day in the north east (link on Sky News, I can add it if needed) which is a huge disparity, but also shows a glimmer of hope that infection rates are coming down quite quickly.

I hate not seeing him and miss him dreadfully, and I can't believe how excited I am at the thought of seeing him at a distance tomorrow rather than through a screen!!!

There must be hundreds like us across the UK, so I hope that eventually they'll get to us.....

I was just looking at the detailed "Plan to Rebuild", social and family contact comes under step 2 on page 35. It is telling that nowhere are live apart couples mentioned as technically we're not family and I wouldn't call it social either, we're somewhere in between.

Anyway, you can find the document here assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/884760/Our_plan_to_rebuild_The_UK_Government_s_COVID-19_recovery_strategy.pdf

My main worry is if my ex expands his bubble to include his DP and I expand mine to include my DP then technically our children will be moving between 2 expanded bubbles so I really hope they don't try to stop that... but knowing how the government seem to constantly forget about non-nuclear families, it probably won't even occur to them!!

Anyway, here's the relevant bit in case anyone is interested but doesn't want to download and wade through

^Social and family contact
Since 23 March the Government has asked people to only leave the house for very limited
purposes and this has been extraordinarily disruptive to people's lives.
In particular this has affected the isolated and vulnerable, and those who live alone. As restrictions
continue, the Government is considering a range of options to reduce the most harmful social
effects to make the measures more sustainable.
For example, the Government has asked SAGE to examine whether, when and how it can safely
change the regulations to allow people to expand their household group to include one other
household in the same exclusive group.29
The intention of this change would be to allow those who are isolated some more social contact,
and to reduce the most harmful effects of the current social restrictions, while continuing to limit the
risk of chains of transmission. It would also support some families to return to work by, for
example, allowing two households to share childcare.30
This could be based on the New Zealand model of household "bubbles" where a single "bubble" is
the people you live with.31 As in New Zealand, the rationale behind keeping household groups
small is to limit the number of social contacts people have and, in particular, to limit the risk of interhousehold transmissions.32
In addition, the Government is also examining how to enable people to gather in slightly larger
groups to better facilitate small weddings.
Over the coming weeks, the Government will engage on the nature and timing of the measures in
this step, in order to consider the widest possible array of views on how best to balance the health,
economic and social effects^

That's the reason that, for me at least, meeting up after 7 weeks, only to stand 2 metres apart, would actually feel worse than not meeting at all. I know I'd make a lunge for him and end up running after him like a Benny Hill sketch!

Absolutely, this is how I ended up meeting up with DP! We'd been apart several weeks as his ex was ill before lockdown (we assume CV) so we'd been apart for a couple of weeks while that all played out, just in case, then a few weeks after lockdown too.

In the end he ordered something from my business just so I had a reason to go over there! We went for a '2m apart' walk although in reality it was more like a metre, but by then end of it, I felt really weird, as if we'd had an argument, as we're usually very touchy feely, so we left on a hug and the next time we did it, just kissed and hugged as usual.

Then I had a worrying hospital appointment and he insisted he'd come over the night before and take me so I didn't have to go alone. Now he'll cycle over to my house as his daily exercise once a week and stay the night. So here we are.

And I don't feel bad about it. The rules are bullshit. He's working from home, I always WFH and both our circles are closed, so little to no risk.

@firebrand123 kids are allowed to move between divorced parents ( are yours older though ?).

But people not hugging partners etc or seeing them - who is actually going to enforce it ? Haven’t heard of anyone being fined for seeing a partner and if you did (big if) it’s only 50£ -now you can travel freely it’s just not an issue .

@LemonyCupcake Yes they are, and no mine aren't older, so I'm probably worrying for nothing, I'm just hoping they don't say separated parents count as one household so therefore you can only extend your bubble to include one other person/household in total which would mean my ex and I couldn't incorporate our partners.... if that makes sense?

It's true that the hugging thing isn't enforceable, it just comes down to if you are comfortable going against the guidelines or not. Some are, some aren't.....

firebrand123 I think if they did specify that separated parents had to count as one household, I would be inclined to 'interpret' the rules differently! I very much doubt they've even thought of this, being as invisible as we are, but I'm taking the current rules regarding kids moving between household as a given, on top of which new measures can be added (so any social bubble 'extra to' existing arrangements). That's of course if my partner's ex even wants to include my dp in her bubble - my hunch is she'll be desperate to visit her grown up daughter...

After Boris's recent announcement, seeing people packed on the tube and rules about unlimited travel and being to "take exercise" with another person etc... on balance me and my partner decided to meet and we spent the night together this week for the first time since early March. We shared a meal, talked and held hands and hugged and slept together, albeit fitfully. I went home feeling like a human being and not a cardboard cut out.

It was really weird, intentionally being physically close to each other, looking at each other again - we don't do video calls etc.... and having another adult in the house after being on my own for so many weeks felt dream-like. It felt really surreal. Even knowing how to lie together in bed was strange - having to relearn intimacy. It was awkward almost - with my closest friend and lover.

I don't regret it and I think we'll do it again, every two or three weeks as long as we both continue to be in good health. Yes I know, can be asymptomatic etc. The damage this is doing to how we physically interact with others is significant - like I say I hadn't expected to feel so awkward with the person I love most in the world. Isolation is killing off the ability to be intimate.

So whilst I'm not about to join a mass conga or hug strangers, this decision, whilst carrying a risk, will hopefully enable our relationship to last the course and to protect our mental health.