new covid guidelines: is everyone in a non-live-in relationship still not seeing their partner?

[SenselessUbiquity]

Given that there has been no mention at all of social interaction beyond:
1 - meeting one other person outdoors at a distance of 2m
2- in the relatively far off future, being possibly able to socialise in "bubbles" with one other household thus facilitating childcare etc

basically if you are in a relationship with someone whose household or day to day life you do not share, there is no mention at all of when that will resume.

What does that realistically mean in terms of what people are actually doing?

• following the rules to the letter? for as long as it takes?
• saying "fuck it" and meeting indoors and being physically close anyway, in secret?
• somewhere in between?

Please tell me the truth. I won't tell a soul!

@lilac yeah me and my dp are a long way away (over 200m) so he came to move in as soon as could travel without being stopped...

Not sure how long he will stay for ...

Mascotte yes, we would moan

But wouldn’t it be fairer then to have a named person? I could see my sister, my mother, my best friend of 25 years.

I think it’s fair enough to say that people can enter the home of another person. I don’t see why it should be limited to partners. There were other countries who recognised this.

Actually this whole discussion adds to the stupidity of lockdown. If partners had been allowed, I’d have simply claimed my best friend was my partner.

Lemony yes, I’ve got a friend who just lost her father - not to covid but cancer.

I might be going to live there for a while as I’ve got no job and might be able to get a short term tenant in my flat.

The more i think about these things, the more I think it’s true the government are shocked by adherence to bloody lockdown.

@lilac oh I hope you can

Totally Totally cruel on people who are living alone

Lemony they put in that amendment saying if you live with someone, you stay elsewhere for your mental health

But nothing about people living alone.

*you can

@LilacTree1

• Some countries had the decency to allow a limited amount of mixing, this would have been fine and within homes, very easy to track and trace infections.

The virus would not spread rapidly. Have you read around the lack of effectiveness of lockdown?

You mention you are “vulnerable”, are you going to wait for a vaccine? Not a criticism, just a question

I'm going to take it one step at a time and see what happens. I'm not seeing him while the number of confirmed cases is so high and the r rate is so high if /when they drop it'll depend on how much they've learnt about treating it (current death rate compared to hospital admittance rate is not good) & if they've started to admit people much sooner etc etc.

I love him & I miss him, but not so much I'd die just to see him.

I live alone & haven't found lockdown inhumane. I don't feel I need any special dispensation for living alone

I think it’s fair enough to say that people can enter the home of another person. I don’t see why it should be limited to partners. There were other countries who recognised this

Such as?

I don't think there should be an exception for long term couples who live apart, as a PP was right, that is too grey, and invites complaints from others. I do think when they announced the relaxation, they should have made an exception for people who live alone (and perhaps people who live only with children, depending on the r rate and confirmed cases) to allow them to visit and be visited by either a named household or a named person.

Even if not all people living alone have found it inhumane, it is cruel to expect people to go months (and at the moment indefinitely) without company or human touch. I have been so incredibly lonely and just need a hug. Yes, I can now meet people outside, but it still doesn't get me a hug, it being outside limits how long I can spend, and it is so much less company than usual.

There's a big difference between a partner and a friend 🤷‍♀️

@brambles - my partner and I had got to the stage where I was fed up with talking to him on the phone. We had nothing to say as we had done nothing. He wouldn’t come and stay at mine as it was breaking the rules. I felt like I had a pen friend to be honest and just like you couldn’t see the relationship lasting. We decided to meet up every other day for a walk as I said I had had enough. . We hold hands and have a quick kiss at the end. We have been doing this for the last 3 weeks. We are both still fine. Both of us are wfh so low risk. It has made me feel so much better mentally and about him too.

Mascotte well, I can’t live without my best mate. Obviously if he dies, I have to....but I’ve had partners who mean very little. How would you police it? This is why a named person would be easier. Bit surprised at your lack of understanding tbh, makes a mockery of other things you’ve said to me. But most people are shit, aren’t they.

I could have had my mum or my sister.

Re places with different rules - Obviously Sweden! But also Germany, Australia and several US states had flex in rules about seeing loved ones.

BestOption I think following the R rate is nonsense and if you google, you might want to read pathologist Dr John Lee on the subject. Nicola Sturgeon couldn’t explain it at one briefing.

The R rate is bound to go up so you will be a long time waiting if that’s what you do. I think I’m also considered vulnerable but don’t think about it. Had pneumonia twice post vaccine, you can’t stop all illnesses.

RichardMarx I really feel for you. I would give you a hug.

There’s so much groupthink going on, I’m afraid you might need to find a dissenter in order to get a hug.

LilacTree thank you. I hope it isn't too long before you get to visit your best friend. I did see my boyfriend and one of my friends at weekend, from 2 metres away, which was weird but lovely. My friend is very much sticking by the rules so I don't think she will be willing to hug me, but i think my boyfriend may be next time we meet, even if just a quick hug to say hello, as the risk is so low.

I have been, and still am, sticking to the rules myself for the moment, but the lack of any date when people living alone might be able to visit people /be visited is getting me closer and closer to breaking them. If I didn't have my boyfriend I would like you very much be wanting to have my best friend /her household as a named person. Yes, it is hard and shit for couples living apart but it's also hard and shit for people living alone who aren't in a relationship.

Question: DP coming over later in kitchen where he has been for last month, we had a cuddle last week and both have Been fine, tonight I'm thinking of having him over in my living room for a cuddle n kiss? (god we sound like children)

He has a dd who he sees once a week whose mother has been following lockdown as far as we know. His parents who he lives with don't go anywhere and me n my dd don't go anywhere either.
I feel the risk is low.
I do know a girl who has just met someone n had them over in her house 😱

@dollface19 but what’s the difference if day tomorrow bj said you can see your bf - the risk is still the same

Just live you life is my advice

I hope cuddle is a euphemism and you're shagging. In for a penny, in for a pound.

No defo will b kiss n cuddle 🙈 this week even

So as I've said already... I am seeing my DP this weekend properly... he's moving in from Friday-Sunday

... For me I feel like this is something I have to do now for our relationship. I see it slowly dwindling because of lack of intimacy. I haven't told my dp my fears but I can tell he feels the same and it's upsetting him. He's a very romantic person and at the start of lockdown would drive by and leave presents outside my house (when I was working and he is a driver who drove past my area) and he has sent stuff in the post etc. It was all so hopeful as we were thinking okay a few more weeks and we'll be reunited ... it's been 9 weeks and I thought I had symptoms so we didn't even see each other the weekend before.

The posters here who have said they've met up with their DP at a distance but it's felt a bit awkward... that's exactly why we haven't met up at all in this time even when 1:1 meetings were introduced. I've met my best friend and it's been absolutely fine keeping a distance from her but when it's a partner that touch, that intimacy is such an integral part of the relationship.... it would feel like a relationship that's lost its spark and that's depressing to me.

I just wanted to say to any of those who still aren't seeing their partner... think about how it will effect your relationship long term. After 9 weeks now I feel at the critical point where I'm so used to being alone I worry we won't re-connect in the same way... and that is horrible! So I'm hoping this weekend we will re-kindle properly and no major damage has been done.

Go for it @sociallydistained

When my partner moved in last week after 7 weeks apart it was best feeling ever

Enjoy !!! X

I just wouldn’t socially distance ever with my dp

It’s mental and surely unenforceable

Thanks @LemonyCupcake that's good to hear that it's all worked out great for you guys.

I can't wait but I'm also nervous which is silly. If we were allowed out properly we'd maybe try dating again 😂. He has already mentioned having picnics which we did a lot of when we started dating.

@sociallydistained I'm in the same position and haven't seen my boyf for 9 weeks. You have articulated my concerns with regards to intimacy and connection. We are still early days in our relationship, as in 7 months, but are very official and committed. Ours is a LDR (2 hours from each other) and moving in with each other is just a big No at this stage. This is mainly due to the fact we haven't even been together for long, I have one teenage DC at home and even if I did disregard the former, I don't have room for him to WFH. Bottom line is I wouldn't want to move in with him right now, so we have to carry on as we are.

However, I'm starting to worry and I do talk to him about this. We both miss each other very much and although he seems to be very positive we will be ok, I am concerned that the connection will fizzle. I'm hoping it doesn't as we both want a future together and are very compatible in lots of ways.

We discussed breaking lockdown 3 weeks ago, but decided to wait for the government announcement to see if would include the 'social bubbles'. As that isn't happening we both agreed we would carry on, but now I'm feeling it is taking it's toll.

Thanks @sociallydistained )

@pinkmonkey - don’t think those bubbles will be for ages tbh

@sociallydistained I completely support your decision.

I've taken my children to stay with my mum for the past three days. My husband is a farmer and is busy 14hour days so I'm alone with a toddler and a baby. I needed the companionship and the help, slowly I could feel really bad thoughts creeping in and I was terrified of PND.

At the end of all the rules, people have to make their own decisions based on common sense, regardless. Yes, I'm breaking government rules but realistically both my household and mums have been isolating since this begun - the risk isn't there for viral spread, but the risk of me becoming ill and not being able to continue was real.

@LemonyCupcake I agree !

@sociallydistained, enjoy!

@frillyfucks love your name )

Wise decision too - Covid isn’t the only bad thing in this world !