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Original poster

Partners best friend

80 replies

19claire88 · 10/05/2020 08:58

Hello

I’ve been with my partner for just over 6 months known him for around 5 years, everything is going great he’s moved in during lockdown. Everything is great until he’s best friends girlfriend comes up in conversation. We are neighbours, and since we became an official couple she hates me, she gone from trying to setting us up to this.

We all used to get on great bbqs, parties and shopping trips all normal things that 2 neighbours and friends would do.

Over the past few months I’ve been named called, over heard several quite nasty conversations about myself, been accused of taking his money, she’s spoken to my partner about me in a disrespectful manner he did call her out on it.

I’ve tried over the past few months up until lock down to resolve this and it just seems so unrepairable even during lock down I’ve messaged her and the replies I get are you won’t take him away from us, I have never implied I would I don’t want to destroy a friendship, but with her behaviour she’s gonna lose a friendship because we can’t even be in the same room together.

I guess I’m just looking for someone to tell me to stop trying with this women it’s getting me no where, our wider friendship circle have now seen what she’s been doing so it’s not going unnoticed.

What do I do, do I stop flogging a dead horse or do I keep trying it just feels so embarrassing to keep trying.

Btw I’m aware now childish this all is I’m 30 they are 40.

Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 10/05/2020 09:08

Your partner needs to talk to her and tell them to stop, that it's weird behaviour and he isn't a child that needs protection.

Concerned7777 · 10/05/2020 09:09

She clearly has feelings for your DP are you sure something hasnt gone on between them in the past?
Are the rest of the friends circle like this with you or just her?

Original poster
19claire88 · 10/05/2020 10:03

He’s tried to talk to her over the fence about this and she walked away, then messaged me to suggest a coffee over the fence which she has repeatedly cancelled, so she’s telling people what they want to hear then not acting on it. It’s driving me mad 7 months ago we were friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
19claire88 · 10/05/2020 10:05

I think she does have feelings for him but she’s with his best friend they have a child together. In the past she has ruined his relationships so he’s been single for years cause of her behaviour.

No nothing has happened between the 2 of them he doesn’t find her attractive at all, no it’s just me she’s like this with.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 10/05/2020 10:59

Why on earth does your boyfriend put up with this?

Do you think it would work if you both moved away and dropped contact with her?

Original poster
19claire88 · 10/05/2020 11:19

I don’t know we’ve argued about this so much I can’t see how he can put up with it. He classes them as family but it’s such a toxic situation. He’s paid for the Xmases for years then to be treated like this.

Yes I think we will have to move as it’s so awkward living next door I feel like I’m being judged all the time. I’ve asked him to drop contact but he won’t as it’s his best friend.

OP posts:
JudyGemstone · 10/05/2020 11:33

Is there anything else that makes you think she has feelings for him?

I read it as her and her partners relationship isn't great/they are not well suited and they have come to rely on your boyfriend as the third leg of the stool which props it up.

Either way her behaviour is completely mad and unacceptable, why is your boyfriend not standing up for you more though? Does he like being a prize to be fought over?

JudyGemstone · 10/05/2020 11:40

Ohh just seen he 'paid for Xmases' what all the presents/food/tree? Shock do they have kids?

Why would he do this? Bit weird/desperate isn't it?

She probably doesn't want to lose her meal ticket then!

fedupwithitallnow · 10/05/2020 11:44

No wonder none of his relationships last, he’s letting her behaviour ruin them, and it will ruin yours too, he needs to talk to her tell her the way she’s behaving is not acceptable and if it continues you’ll both move away, hopefully that will make her realise, if he’s not prepared to do this then it tells you she and his mate are more important than your relationship to him, in that case, if it were me, I’d walk away as it will never change!

LellyMcKelly · 10/05/2020 11:57

She wants him at their beck and call, being there when she wants him, paying for Christmases etc. She’s lost her help mate and isn’t happy about losing her power.

Original poster
19claire88 · 10/05/2020 11:58

@JudyGemstone I think her whole behaviour suggests she has feelings she classes him as the brother she never had but in my eyes that should make her happy he’s happy.

Maybe your right he is the glue in there relationship over the past few months I’ve come to see she’s not a nice person and does seem to use people for what she can get.

Yes they have 2 children and in this case he has always brought the best presents for them. It’s such strange behaviour for a 40 year old I feel like we’ve gone back to school.

No he hates this whole situation he’s well prepared to lose her but not his best friend but I can’t see this working. Something has got to give completely.

OP posts:
Original poster
19claire88 · 10/05/2020 12:01

@LellyMcKelly I really do feel for him being stuck in the middle but I feel like such an idiot to keep trying to force something and it blow up every time. I think she’s feeding on the drama of all of this.

I hope when it comes to it he will pick me as he’s hinted at it but it’s the 15 plus years of friendship that will be lost.

OP posts:
Original poster
19claire88 · 10/05/2020 12:02

@LellyMcKelly she’s lost the power of being the only women in his life and him appeasing her all the time.

OP posts:
JudyGemstone · 10/05/2020 12:04

Unfortunately neither of you can get his friend to grow a pair though, the friendship obviously doesn't mean enough to him to tell his wife to grow up and be happy for their friend.

Moving sounds quite a drastic solution, is it something you're keen to do?

Original poster
19claire88 · 10/05/2020 12:16

@JudyGemstone I think she’s been allowed to behave like this for so long everyone puts it down to it just being her but I think this extends to so many different points in their life.
At the moment I’ll be happy to move yes it’s drastic but my mental health over this is suffering over this, I feel like I’m being constantly watched and judged. I don’t have friends over anymore cause I’m accused of cheating by her, I know it’s stupid and it really shouldn’t bother me but when I’ve not actually done anything to cause a massive falling out I can’t see to let this drop.

OP posts:
Original poster
19claire88 · 10/05/2020 12:17

Some one told me you can’t argue with stupid but I think she playing at being stupid and is actually very aware of what she’s doing and how she’s behaving

OP posts:
Seaweed42 · 10/05/2020 12:19

How come you ended up living next door to this couple?

TorkTorkBam · 10/05/2020 12:23

What stops you personally cutting her out of your life? No reason for your boyfriend to cut off his best friend. My DH has mates I don't particularly like or who have spouses I don't get on particularly well with. Same is true in reverse. Easy solved. He goes on boys nights with his crowd and I go on girls nights with mine, we only do couple stuff with couples where we all like each other.

Original poster
19claire88 · 10/05/2020 12:24

@seaweed42 I brought my house 10 years ago met the neighbours became friends and eventually met my partner through them it took 2 years for us to become a couple it’s only since we’re become serious and official that’s when the problems have occurred. You would think having your best mate moving in next door would be amazing but all it’s done is cause arguments 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
TorkTorkBam · 10/05/2020 12:24

Is your boyfriend's place further away? Could you move in with him instead?

Aerial2020 · 10/05/2020 12:28

Block her. Don't feed her drama. You owe her nothing.
If anyone else behaved like this to you would you put up with it??
Sounds a very toxic friendship he has. Walk away from it. Have no part in it. Then she has no audience.
If your boyf continues to put up with it then you know your relationship has no future.

Original poster
19claire88 · 10/05/2020 12:28

@TorkTorkBam yeah he’s living an hour away unfortunately that’s not possible due to where he works he’s living in a caravan I have suggested that we all move into it if this can’t be resolved and I find a new home.

OP posts:
Concerned7777 · 10/05/2020 12:30

I'd just ignore her and not even bother to try be her friend shes feeding off the attention/reactions. When she makes accusations about you does your DP believe her or question you about them? If everyone ignored all these things she says she will soon stop when she sees it isn't achieving anything. I know that it's hard to swallow when people are talking about you

TorkTorkBam · 10/05/2020 12:31

I just realised something you wrote you have been accused of cheating by her and you also wrote I hope when it comes to it he will pick me

Um, it has already come to it if she has accused you of fucking someone else round your house when he's not there.

Why did he choose to stay mates with her after that?

You say the witch drove away all his other girlfriends. I suspect he did it himself by not standing up for them.

You are far too passive. You need more blow ups to see if you have shackled yourself to Mr Easy Life or Mr Defender.

billy1966 · 10/05/2020 12:31

Stop making any effort and move if it suits you for your MH.

He sounds like a wuss.

He's tolerance this behaviour for years.

I wouldn't depend on him.

But I wouldn't wantbto live near someone like that.

Good luck.

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