Partners best friend

[19claire88]

Hello

I’ve been with my partner for just over 6 months known him for around 5 years, everything is going great he’s moved in during lockdown. Everything is great until he’s best friends girlfriend comes up in conversation. We are neighbours, and since we became an official couple she hates me, she gone from trying to setting us up to this.

We all used to get on great bbqs, parties and shopping trips all normal things that 2 neighbours and friends would do.

Over the past few months I’ve been named called, over heard several quite nasty conversations about myself, been accused of taking his money, she’s spoken to my partner about me in a disrespectful manner he did call her out on it.

I’ve tried over the past few months up until lock down to resolve this and it just seems so unrepairable even during lock down I’ve messaged her and the replies I get are you won’t take him away from us, I have never implied I would I don’t want to destroy a friendship, but with her behaviour she’s gonna lose a friendship because we can’t even be in the same room together.

I guess I’m just looking for someone to tell me to stop trying with this women it’s getting me no where, our wider friendship circle have now seen what she’s been doing so it’s not going unnoticed.

What do I do, do I stop flogging a dead horse or do I keep trying it just feels so embarrassing to keep trying.

Btw I’m aware now childish this all is I’m 30 they are 40.

Thank you for reading.

@TheGirlWithAPrince I’m annoyed I played the game and fed into the drama but there’s nothing I can do I’ve learnt my lesson there. She already has burned bridges with several people and played the victim now I’ve looked back on the whole time knowing here.
Under no circumstances will I sugar coat the reasons for our falling with mutual friends, I won’t tell people because I can but if I’m asked that’s when I’ll speak, I want to still have my dignity. It’s unfortunate as it would have been lovely to do couple things like meals, or drinks but I’ll expand the social circle and do those things with others.

I agree, the friend and his wife are both leeches. Take take take whatever they can from your partner, they are no true friends, they are using him and he needs to see that.
If he is with you then they are not getting the attention they crave, I bet the friend isn't concerned about his wifes behaviour as he could also be worried if your relationship becomes permanent then they won't be getting the goodies they are so used to.

@TorkTorkBam I’m gonna show him your message as me saying it holds no value as I think he links it back to the falling out between me and her, so I think he see it as a dig rather then a merited point.

6 months in and this shit? On your door step? Nope, wouldn’t stick around

@Anydreamwilldo12 this is how I see the friendship it’s all been what they can take, he lives in a bloody caravan and off credit cards he’s was furloughed at the start of this and there was no mention of so you need any help like other friends had done. It’s all so one sided but he doesn’t see it like that he’s always been the generous one and this goes back to her 1st comment about how if I ask for something I would get it but that’s just not in my nature to take something cause I can

What is her partner's involvement in all this (apart from being your DP's 'best' friend?)

@CuppaZa before lockdown we could escape this but we’re stuck now until restrictions are lifted, we spoke as this thread has gone on and the discussion is to move away and if he wants to visit them it will be on his own and they won’t be welcome at the new home.
I’m dredging Christmas as they expect him to be there with them when really it would have been lovely to have had a massive Xmas as friends the children would have loved that.

His friend takes money off him when he is furloughed and using credit cards

Fucking hell. With friends like those who needs enemies.

When you say all move into the caravan who exactly do you mean? Do you have kids?

I think you dropping any contact or interest in the woman is the best idea. He can be friends with them, it's up to him who his friends are, but that doesn't mean that you have to have anything to do with them. It's sad but it's her behaviour that has led to this.
Probably a good idea in the long term, to move. That would probably defuse the situation slightly.

@Nanny0gg they’ve tried to talk to her together and she walks away, him as her partner doesn’t seem to know what to do, I think they are both very weak when it comes to her and they don’t know how to handle her without causing upset. So it’s best to ignore and pretend everything is ok. I’ve only put myself and him through all this as I don’t want to take the blame for a friendship breaking down

Yeah there 4 children in total his 16 year old and my 3 children, as a blended family unit we all work really well all the kids get on it works, the only issue is the neighbour. We have been really careful at introducing the children but my oldest has known him since he was 4 he’s always been known as mums friends.

@TheSmelliestHouse I’ve already blocked all contact on social media, I think it’s more upsetting as she can’t see it’s her behaviour that caused all this when actually it could have been a really nice setting, and how it actually used to be with us all hanging out as friends

You have four children between you and he's spending money on another family?

Someone has Mug tattooed on their forehead here....

@nanny0gg he’s got 1 I’ve got 3 children it’s just such a stupid situation, I realise how ridiculous it sounds I’ve told him he shouldn’t be down if his money but at the end of the day that’s his free income I guess. I believe this has gone on for so long that he just doesn’t see that it’s not normal.

It’s almost like he’s too nice for his own good and tries to see the best in everyone even when they are pisstakers

Is moving away for a 6 month relationship a good idea in the middle of a custody battle where you need to show you can provide a stable home for your kids? Be aware of how this can be twisted and attempted to be used against you (read some threads on here!)

Too nice.

Sure.

Has a child and yet is getting in to debt to avoid being on the receiving end of a tantrum.

He hasn't been nice to you has he? He hasn't been nice to his child, spending money on others that now can't be spent on his own.

Too nice is clearly not the situation. Too scared of conflict is more likely. Aka spineless. Will say anything to appease whoever is currently cross with him but won't follow through if someone else gets cross.

For example, you get cross about her so he says he will stand up for you. Next thing you know he's bunging her and saying nothing that might make her cross. No moral backbone is what it sounds like to me.

I can't believe you'd really move 3/4 kids into a bloody caravan rather than deal with some idiot neighbour! By ignoring her to telling her to fuck off. It's not like she's aggressive/harassing you either.

Maybe it's not just him that's a wet flannel!

That was a joke and I don't mean to be rude but are you really planning to uproot your kids lives over this?

Also, if he's living off credit cards don't buy a house or get otherwise financially linked with him whatever you do!

I’ve been advised to move away anyway due to the nature of my ex, I was gonna try and hold it out here but this house isn’t good for my children it holds to many memories. School are supportive in my decision as where social services when they have to intervene with my children’s dad

Since I’ve been with him and comment on the use of a credit card to pay for things such as the neighbours lifestyle its slowly stopping. There are personal reasons for him choosing the caravan which have no bearing on this situation. And where his work is located the house prices are stupidly expensive, And he provides a security for the older couple Who’s land he rents, they treat him like a son but he prefers to live in the caravan.

Me moving it will solely be my house funded by me everything will be paid for he will not be moving in to this new house but my moving away but I will remove the neighbours from my relationship. He’s only at mine now due to the lock down other wise we wouldn’t be living together at all think people have missed that post

so he’s been single for years cause of her behaviour
Seriously? I call bullshit.

She is batshit crazyballs and ought to have been cut from his life years ago.
He chooses to let her drama and antics into his life.
I think he secretly enjoys the attention he gets when she starts behaving like this, which is why he doesn't put a stop to it.
Where's her partner in all this? How on earth can you claim to be someone's 'best' friend and yet allow your partner to behave like this?

Your bf is a doormat.
He didn't stand up for himself with the other women and he won't for you.

I cant believe you've moved a man in with your kids after only 6 months

slowly stopping good lord you are desperate to avoid looking reality in the face aren't you.

Slowly stopping means he is still doing it, which means either he thinks it is acceptable is doing the minimum to shut you up or he knows it is wrong but totally lacks a spine.

I can see why you were in an abusive relationship. You've got to look at the actual reality not make up happy marketing spin about your actual life. Slowly stopping. Listen to yourself.

They’ve literally known him for years I wouldn’t just move a stranger into the house but that’s not what I asked in the original post, I’ve changed some of the timings and lengths as I wanted some privacy.