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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I being too harsh? Cheating.

89 replies

Namechangeio · 08/05/2020 22:57

Dp has been showing me some lovely snaps he has taken of our child in the swimming pool today, very cute snaps.

I saw his camera roll at the bottom and there were two pics of his dick. I didn’t say anything.
He then went on Facebook and uploaded a pic of our child and I saw the dick pic again with closer detail as his camera roll comes up as thumb nails which confirmed to me it was infact a dick pic. The angle was him standing in the kitchen, camera pointing down, penis out and a foot either side.

I felt sick to my stomach and I still do. I went upstairs and I text him to be discreet and said can you explain why you have 2 dick pics on your phone and who have you sent them to? He has denied everything. I asked to see the pics he’s deleted as it was just 2 pics of the floor, asked for deleted folder he said he’s emptied it. He’s making out I’m accusing him of stuff and he’s not done anything wrong. I know what it was and it was the tip of his bell end. Surprising I can recognise it as we haven’t had sex for over a year. Unsure if it’s a sex site (fab swingers is one he has used before and I caught him on) or sending it to someone we/he knows in real life.

He made a comment about his pubes being so overgrown who would want to see it? But my guess is that he would of zoomed in to cover these and make his ‘thing’ look bigger.

I want him out of my house. Its rented by me.
Am I being too harsh by packing his things and putting them in a suitcase outside his mums and being done with it? I’d never stop contact with our child and I will share the household items with him. I have also written a message to his mum in my notes telling her his stuff is there and the reason why I want him out.

Is it being too harsh or just firm? Either way I want him gone ASAP.

OP posts:
Cordial11 · 08/05/2020 23:01

You are not being harsh. He deleted it straight away showing guilt. You have already caught him on sites!

Stay strong OP. You can get through this Flowers

Baskininthegarden · 08/05/2020 23:02

its grim but also if you havent had sex in over a year and hes done it before so it sounds like it's over anyway so just get it done with..

Faye1284 · 08/05/2020 23:03

Na, get rid. If there was a valid reason for the photos, he would have told you straight away. It's definitely dodgy. That aside, it doesn't sound like a very passionate/intimate relationship if you've not had sex for a year. Life really is to short.

Original poster
Namechangeio · 08/05/2020 23:04

That is what I have put in the message to his mum, the sooner we part ways the sooner we can move on

OP posts:
Buggedandconfused · 08/05/2020 23:05

It’s not harsh. It’s respect for yourself and your child. These men don’t change. Chuck the fucker out.

BackseatCookers · 08/05/2020 23:12

Good for you.

This isn't one strike and he's out, he has form for it he's been insultingly sloppy when it comes to covering his tracks and he lied when confronted.

You gave him a chance to work through it when he did it before and now you're respecting yourself enough to know he's blown that chance.

Poor you what a shitty day Flowers

Original poster
Namechangeio · 08/05/2020 23:15

I never thought he would do it again after last time and the fact we now have a child together. How naive of me.

OP posts:
Faye1284 · 08/05/2020 23:22

You gave him another chance....and he messed it up. You're not naive. I'm sorry you're going through this, but it really is a blessing that you rent the house alone. I know this won't be your priority right now but I promise you that there is someone out there willing to love you the way you deserve to be loved.

Original poster
Namechangeio · 08/05/2020 23:32

Thank you for your kind words.

Now I’ve cakes down I’m not even half as mad as what I thought I would be. I’m feeling quite at peace which says in volumes that it’s the right thing to do.

Roll on happier times

OP posts:
sammylady37 · 09/05/2020 00:23

Get rid of him for sure, but why are you involving his mum??

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 09/05/2020 00:34

I never thought he would do it again after last time

They always do it again. Cheaters are cheaters. It’s part of them. It’s who they are. They may sorely regret it and the pain they’ve caused, they may genuinely mean it when they say they will never do it again but eventually they do. Because it’s just who they are.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 09/05/2020 00:37

I think to you're bloody amazing! Good for you. He's had a second chance and thought so little of the relationship that he blew it. His loss.

The only think I don't get is getting his Mum involved but maybe I didn't follow the story fully.

BitOfFun · 09/05/2020 00:44

You have done EXACTLY the right thing. And fuck covering for him by not telling his mother why. He would only have spun her similar shite and put you in the wrong.

FlaskMaster · 09/05/2020 00:46

Good for you op, it's not harsh at all just the consequences of his (repeated) actions.

NoMoreDickheads · 09/05/2020 00:52

You've done the right thing. xxxxx

famousforwrongreason · 09/05/2020 00:56

His pubes are too long. Wtf. Is he 12? God they talk such shit sometimes.
Seriously tho, don't demean yourself by telling his mum the details. That does not help you in any way, especially as you and her continue to have a relationship as she is your child's grandparent. You will feel mortified later on.
Tell your friends and your family if you need to.
The cheaters parents are always going to forgive their child.

Patsypie · 09/05/2020 00:59

Get rid of the cunt! ps can't stop laughing at ' caked down' 😂

Original poster
Namechangeio · 09/05/2020 06:29

She will wonder why there’s a suitcase of her sons clothes outside and if she sees me putting it there then she’s going to ask why.

I’m planning on saying that he’s been sending explicit pics of himself, not going into any more detail than that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangeio · 09/05/2020 06:30

Haha I was reading think what where’s cakes down but I’ve spotted it 😂

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 09/05/2020 08:24

You're doing exactly the right thing
What a knob

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 09/05/2020 09:17

You poor thing. Yes you're absolutely doing the right thing. I was you. I gave him ANOTHER chance. He didn't change and I just put myself through more agony. That sense of peace is lovely though and they can never give you that with their fake family lives, false promises, lies and gaslighting. Good luck

Original poster
Namechangeio · 09/05/2020 11:47

Thanks.

He’s come and confessed to me that it was a dick pic but swearing blind that he hasn’t sent it to anyone but doesn’t know why he’s taken it which is a load of tosh.

He said ‘that’s the truth, you don’t have to believe me’ but bare faced lied to me yesterday swearing blind he was telling the truth.

He’s kissing my arse now but I’m going to tel him he can tell his mum why I’m dropping his things off there and he doesn’t have to agree to going but its but it’s happening.

OP posts:
CallmeAngelina · 09/05/2020 11:56

Why on earth does he think you should believe him today, when he has now admitted that he spent yesterday lying through his teeth to you?

hugefanofcheese · 09/05/2020 11:57

I agree that if I were you, he would be leaving. Whatever the intent behind the pictures was, you gave him a chance to explain himself and he chose to lie outright.

Sounds like this feels like the right thing to do which is good, you will be absolutely fine. Flowers Wine

goldenlog · 09/05/2020 12:39

You should never confront when you have suspicions, It will always be denied. You need to find out for yourself.

It could just be innocent in the sense that he was taking pictures of himself to check out how his ‘man hood’ looks like and now he’s embarrassed but it could be more. If it is more he will do it again and soon slip up once he thinks he’s got away with it. If I was you I wouldn’t mention it again let him think it’s forgotten then look through his phone in the next couples of weeks or so.