Am I being too harsh? Cheating.

[Namechangeio]

Dp has been showing me some lovely snaps he has taken of our child in the swimming pool today, very cute snaps.

I saw his camera roll at the bottom and there were two pics of his dick. I didn’t say anything.
He then went on Facebook and uploaded a pic of our child and I saw the dick pic again with closer detail as his camera roll comes up as thumb nails which confirmed to me it was infact a dick pic. The angle was him standing in the kitchen, camera pointing down, penis out and a foot either side.

I felt sick to my stomach and I still do. I went upstairs and I text him to be discreet and said can you explain why you have 2 dick pics on your phone and who have you sent them to? He has denied everything. I asked to see the pics he’s deleted as it was just 2 pics of the floor, asked for deleted folder he said he’s emptied it. He’s making out I’m accusing him of stuff and he’s not done anything wrong. I know what it was and it was the tip of his bell end. Surprising I can recognise it as we haven’t had sex for over a year. Unsure if it’s a sex site (fab swingers is one he has used before and I caught him on) or sending it to someone we/he knows in real life.

He made a comment about his pubes being so overgrown who would want to see it? But my guess is that he would of zoomed in to cover these and make his ‘thing’ look bigger.

I want him out of my house. Its rented by me.
Am I being too harsh by packing his things and putting them in a suitcase outside his mums and being done with it? I’d never stop contact with our child and I will share the household items with him. I have also written a message to his mum in my notes telling her his stuff is there and the reason why I want him out.

Is it being too harsh or just firm? Either way I want him gone ASAP.

Honestly
ignore @Booksareforkids19,
rape apologist in previous posts.
Despite declarations to the contrary on other threads, I genuinely believe that this poster is not a woman.

Yeah I did ignore that one!

I’ve given him his marching orders it took a bit of time to sink in but I think he’s gotten the message. But I’m a cunt for making him look for somewhere else to live whilst all this is going on but he has plenty of options, his brother in law rents several houses so I’ve told him to ask him but it’s not my problem to solve.

Just having a coffee and then I’ll be putting his stuff in a suitcase and I’ll be dropping it off at his mums. I’ve also told him he can tell his mum why it’s there.

I’m trying to avoid getting into an argument and keep it clear and to the point.

I feel a bit sick that I’ve done it but I know it’s for the best.

To be honest from what you've said I'd be getting rid of him anyway even without catching him out with the dick pic.

Bloody hell OP.... well done! How brave you are. You’re an inspiration and I believe you’ve done the right thing. It takes a real prick to lie to your face and make you try and doubt what you saw with your own eyes. DO indeed tell his mum! He should have considered this before all the work of looking for online fun began.

Very true candle floss I had been thinking of splitting up due to the no sex thing and other things but this has been the final nail in the coffin. Just sorting through clothes now.

Anyone have any inspirational stories of when they’ve left their arsehole ex? I’m not even bothered about meeting anyone I want to get the me I use to know and love back and be the best mum I can to my son

Yes we split end of last year finally. Sad, middle aged men need their wives and family to hide behind while they gleefully go on seedy websites, because sad middle aged men are 10 a penny on there. The first thing my ex did was create a POF profile for the next person to hide behind. I'm at the point now where I don't care. I feel content, happy, free and have lots more focus and energy for me and my kids. I love my life now and when I was with him I constantly felt shit because he treated me like shit and lied to my face every day. Just don't fall for the inevitable bullshit coming your way about how he's going to change. I gave multiple chances based on his words and he never fucking changed!!

Good luck OP. Do you think he may be gay or bi? Whatever he is he's a cheat and the sooner you are rid the better.

Amazing op, well done. It will br hard for you emotionally to start with but imagine your future life, ever feeling suspicious or paranoid about what your so-called partner is up to behind your back.
Wishing you all the very best. You sounds really switched on and strong.

Thank you for your kind words and support it real does mean the world.

Yes I have had suspicions he may be bi. He once saved a number in his phone as fab John or John fab but it’s unclear if this person was actually male or if a female but hidden under a male name but it came from fab swingers as he has other names under fab but were either female or fab1 fab2, you get the gist.

I’ve dropped his things at his mums and put them in the garden. I don’t think she knew he was coming as she text to ask if these were his things. I said yes and she asked why. I just said I assumed she knew he was coming and that I’d caught him sending photos over the weekend and i can’t do it anymore. She said ok, take care.
She is a lovely woman and I feel bad for dumping this on her doorstep but he is her son.

Just got back home from a little drive and I’m going to blitz the house. I’ve found a new motivation to clean up and make my house mine again as before I was cleaning up after him and it never stayed tidy for more than a few hours.

Thanks for your support everyone I used snippets of some comments on here in my messages to him and it seems to have hit home with him.

Thanks again

Getting your home back - that is the best bit!!!
Move things around. Colour change here and there.
More feminine bedroom for you etc.....

But well done on acting on this.
So many carry on, head in sand.
Time for you now.

well done op x

Thank you.

I can hardly believe it to be honest. My son has gone to bed and I’ve had my tea and cleaned up and I don’t know what to do now so I’m going to have a nice soak in the bath.

I thought you were incredible already, but now I actually think you have superpowers...... a child in bed by 6!?!?

Enjoy your bath, you deserve it xx

Well done for being so strong! Big hugs xxx

I kicked my cheating ex out 2 years ago and the best thing about it was that I could just be me and do what I like, eat what I like, go to bed when I liked, get up when I liked without any consideration of him.

All the mess in my house is mine or the kids and you know what I actually like doing housework, having a layabout in the house who you have to clean up after is demoralising and made me hate housework.

Plus he stayed in bed all morning and when he got up at weekends he would lay on the sofa, watch TV and sleep.
God it wound me up so much,now there is no one laying about my house except my dogs.

I got rid of all his crap that he kept just in case and generally tidied up my house.

Plus I painted the utility room just because I could, previously I wasn't allowed to paint.
I'm doing my kitchen in a few weeks.

Honestly you will love it, I love my life and I've kind of met a guy I like but he has to fit into my life and I'll never live with a man again or share finances.

Forgot to say you are amazing and so decisive, well done for getting rid.

I'm sorry he was a prick. You deserve better. Enjoy your bath XxX stay strong

you’re running on adrenaline now op so have some support set up for the coming days.

Yes defo I have that in place. I have some great friends and family who are telling me they are proud of me and well done for doing it and offering to help when and where they can.

He’s got in touch, asking for a tablet that I bought but I’m not giving him. He’s trying to dictate what he is having from the house and also refused maintenance for our child. I’ve just said he is spiting his son, not me and left it there.

Bath was lovely thank you I’m just about to get out now. Fresh pjs I think!

I remember my ex moving out. My choice, he hadn't cheated as far as I know but just didn't love him anymore. The first thing I did after he'd gone was have a bath and lie in bed feeling such relief

Hello just thought I’d check in and update you on how I’m doing.

I have since decided to change my permanent username as a symbol of a fresh start but I’ve changed it back to the name on here for ease of reading my replies.

I’m in the process of bagging his clothes up and re arranging my own. Such a nice feeling, I get ALL the wardrobe space instead of a few cm and 3 drawers. My bedroom seems so much more bigger now I’ve taken his crap out.

He’s not been in touch and usually after a fight, I’d be sick with worry thinking he is with someone else or texting/speaking to someone else but I just feel so at peace. Like, let her have him. He’s hardly a prize! I’m just a little sad he’s not asked about our child and how he is. His mum has been in touch asking after us both but I guess that may have come from him indirectly.

Tonight I’m cooking a pasta tea which was banned when he was here as he didn’t like pasta for tea. I like pasta for tea and I’ve also bought some Tupperware boxes to freeze some for another meal. The more I do what I want to do, I realise just how controlling he was/is.

I’ve binged an American comedy series which I would only be allowed to do in my own time previously. I even ironed whilst watching said series and again I wouldn’t have been allowed to do that as the iron makes too much noise hissing!

I’m not going to beat myself up with questions why I didn’t leave sooner, because I have done it now and I should (and am) be proud of how far I’ve come and the positive change I have made for my son.

3rd night tonight and I’m putting the mattress topper back on and some bedding of my choice!

🥳

Fabulous news OP! It’s a whole new liberated life ahead of you!! Well done.

I'm so glad you're reclaiming your space. I was on fab when I was single and the amount of married men (sometimes women) was unbelievable. Many had had accounts for years and years, almost leading a double life. It sounds like your dh was in the process of setting up a new profile and adding pics to his gallery.