Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm that psycho ex unfortunately

50 replies

amiok101 · 07/05/2020 19:02

I have been doing no contact for the past 4 months and I was so proud of myself and I was doing so well but prior to that I was begging for the prick back almost everyday..

I've had a slip up and now I'm back to being obsessed over him again.

I even made fake accounts to speak to him. I'm contemplating going to his house and place of work..

I thought I was finally over him and now I hate that I feel like this

OP posts:
Ohnoherewego62 · 07/05/2020 19:03

Ok. Breathe.

What's happened that you're feeling so strongly?

Heismyopendoor · 07/05/2020 19:04

Why did you break up?

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 07/05/2020 19:05

Jesus, that sounds bad... really, just don’t, that would be very scary and off putting for him, having a stalker is not flattering, it is terrifying.

Original poster
amiok101 · 07/05/2020 19:06

Sorry I'm not sure how to tag people but ohnoherewego62 I loved this guy with all my heart we spoke about a future together, we tried for a child in the the we was together.. I told my family about him then he went and left me..

I honestly tried to get myself back on track and focus on myself but now I'm back in the gutter..

OP posts:
NerforMuffin · 07/05/2020 19:07

I've been there.it's so hard to have someone promise you the world then take it all away. Especially when they look like it's not affected them at all and it's broken you.

Stay off social media.

Original poster
amiok101 · 07/05/2020 19:07

We broke up because he chose to be with someone else

OP posts:
LochJessMonster · 07/05/2020 19:11

He’s obviously not the perfect guy for you then is he? You’ve built up this fantasy memory of your relationship.

Maybe he’ll realise he made a big mistake and come back to you. It does happen. But not if you make fake accounts and turn up at his work. You can’t be in a relationship with someone if you have a restraining order.

Delete all the accounts immediately.

TripleTroubleTime · 07/05/2020 19:11

Oh love. The feelings of desperation are overwhelming. I understand.

Set yourself little goals.
1 hour you dont contact him.
Then the next hour. And so on. Then build to days. Slowely.
Challenge yourself
You can do this.

Its hard. He isnt the man you thought he was, he sold you a future that doesnt exist.
Its hard to let go of the 'dream' but you will. It will be ok.
Just dont contact him. Dont go near him. It wont help.

Ohnoherewego62 · 07/05/2020 19:12

He sounds utterly heartless.

So why waste your time on him when you could put that energy into finding someone new and who can give you what you need. He seems to have moved on quite quickly so I'd imagine he was giving you false hope.

Let him live his life and take control back of yours. Have you considered online dating for now?

12345kbm · 07/05/2020 19:16

You can’t be in a relationship with someone if you have a restraining order.

Wise words.

CornerTrill · 07/05/2020 19:17

Hi OP.

Are you :-

  1. Emotionally sensitive person and have been treated badly; or
  1. Maybe autistic and new "romance" is the "special interest" you are struggling to give up?

I think it helps to understand which?

Does that help?

panicstationsready · 07/05/2020 19:18

Holy shit you sound like the ex of my DH. Turning up at his work and jumping in his car - writing letters - trust me this is NOT a good way to try to get him back. Accept that if he finished with you for someone else it really doesn't matter what you do he won't come back. Please.

BruceAndNosh · 07/05/2020 19:18

Remember that the opposite of love is not hate.
It's indifference
That must be your goal

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 07/05/2020 19:19

Research trauma bonding. Watch some wellbeing coaching videos like Stephanie Lyn on YouTube or some comedies to take your mind off him. Use this time to make yourself happy or put all that energy into a little project: sorting your wardrobe out, writing a diary, drawing. Anything but stalking and harassment!!!!

Wanderlust21 · 07/05/2020 19:20

Delete your social media. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

My first love had been with his gf for a few years and I started to obsess that one day I was going to see his page and see they had married. So last year, before dec, I deleted my fb. Not because I was obsessing, because I wasnt particularly. But because I could see I might start to do so as time passed (and also, because I couldn't see any good coming of finding out and being sad).

category12 · 07/05/2020 19:23

Sounds like you need some support with your MH. Get an appointment with your GP. It's not normal behaviour, you need help.

MikeUniformMike · 07/05/2020 19:38

@amiok101, you tag someone by typing @amiok101

You need to delete your SM accounts, or block him on all of them, and on your phone.

You are not in love with him, you are in love with who you think he is and that person does not exist any more.

MikeUniformMike · 07/05/2020 19:39

I'll try that again.

Type @. A list of names appears under the Message box. Select the username from the list.

CambsAlways · 07/05/2020 19:41

I think you need support to get over him, I wouldn’t go round his house or to his work, he has moved on, you will get yourself into trouble if you are hellbent on doing this, it’s known as stalking! I do feel for you though, if he promised you things, it’s going to take time to get him out of your system, but think about it, do you really want someone who isn’t interested in you anymore

Fluffycloudland77 · 07/05/2020 19:42

He can go to the police and report you for harassment for doing all that you know.

It is really not worth it.

fairlyplump · 07/05/2020 19:43

I feel for you but I am going to be honest, he will begin to despise you if you dont stop. There is nothing as unattractive in one so needy, he clearly doesn't want you, and you are not going to change his mind. Apart from that you are harassing him, which can constitute a crime if you dont stop

NoMoreDickheads · 07/05/2020 19:45

I know what it's like to have negative behaviours/traits. I'm sure we all do to some extent.

Think how much better you'll feel about yourself if you don't do these things, and try not to do them.

I know that's easy to say, though.

If you can't stop, talk to your GP and a therapist.

Usersafe4 · 07/05/2020 19:49

Remember the more you contact him the more he will despise you. If you really want him to come crawling back then you need to not have anything to do with him, change your number or block him so he can't contact you.

Every man I know whether it is me or friends has come crawling back a few months later.
Females tend to take longer to get over it but once they're over it they're done. Whilst the males seem to not care for the first few months and then realise what they miss.

Can you do online dating or anything just so you have someone to talk to to take your mind off him?

fia101 · 07/05/2020 19:57

Can you get a new (healthy) obsession? Exercise or running? You need something to replace the time you're currently obsessing about him.

You know he's not coming back and the more you act out like you are the more that is confirmed. You're also at risk of getting a criminal record.

You need to plan your day out - get up, wash, eat proper food, exercise, read, tv and then bed at the end of day - all without thinking about him. If he comes into your mind tell your mind 'I'm not doing this'.

You're hurting but you're going to have to sit with that hurt for as long as it takes.

Notapheasantplucker · 07/05/2020 19:58

Don't do this to yourself OP. You're only going to end up more hurt than you are now.

It is really really hard, I get that. It's not nice to feel the way you do, but you will get over him in time.

You just need to distance yourself again, don't look for him on SM, don't try to contact him and definitely do not turn up at his house or work. He will report you to the police. Dont do it, honestly.

There is someone out there for you but it's not him. I think you need to distract yourself, even something as simple as colouring or reading, just to keep your mind off him.

You can do it

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.