I'm that psycho ex unfortunately

[amiok101]

I have been doing no contact for the past 4 months and I was so proud of myself and I was doing so well but prior to that I was begging for the prick back almost everyday..

I've had a slip up and now I'm back to being obsessed over him again.

I even made fake accounts to speak to him. I'm contemplating going to his house and place of work..

I thought I was finally over him and now I hate that I feel like this

[Puds11]

How long were you together for?

[Crystal87]

Block him, then delete from everything. Then the temptation to contact him is impossible. I've had to do this in the past when hung up on someone and tempted to get in touch. I promise you won't always feel this way, but you need to stop contacting him and not looking at anything he puts online because the more emotional distance you have from him, the quicker it will be for you to move on. And when the day comes when you realise you don't care about him anymore, you won't believe you ever felt that low about one person who probably isn't all that.

[sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea]

Oh love...

We've all been through it, but I've also been on the receiving end of having a stalker who was obsessed with DP and I cannot tell you how scared I was - still am, years later. She tracked me across everything I said, did, went. In the end, DP went to the Police because she'd started regularly travelling over 100 miles to follow me & DD on the school run.

Please don't be her. However much it hurts you right now, you're hurting yourself more. Agree with PP that you need to break each day down into 'an hour I didn't phone him.' 'an hour I didn't message him' 'an hour I got so engrossed in a book I didn't think of him'.

One day, you will look back and be proud of yourself that you stuck to that, and came out of it better.

[OliveToboogie]

Delete his number and all contact details. If you go to his home or work he will probably get the police involved. You are playing into his hands acting like some deranged stalker, don't give him all that power over you x

[ellanwood]

Act as your own therapist for a moment. Ask why the hell you want someone who is capable of being so duplicitous and cruel? Why do you think you deserve nothing better than someone whose moral values are so skewed? Ask yourself why you want to chase after someone hurtful and not interested in your wellbeing and happiness.

Then indulge in a week of self care - at least lockdown is good for that - long baths and walks, healthy food, maybe read some self-help books on self esteem and getting over heart break. And then do that thing of making a list of the key areas in life - romance is only one of them, and do something every day to improve the others - health & fitness, friendships & family, career & money, education & personal development, bucket list experiences & fun, home & style etc.
Just allowing yourself to focus on, develop and enjoy all the wider things life has to offer will eventually take the edge of the pain.

[justtb]

Oooh jeez. When I split up with someone I really really care about I can go a bit.. loopy. But I'm really good at nipping it in the bud. Numbers deleted, blocked on social media, any close friends or mutual friends muted on social media, pictures immediately removed from my phone, anything that reminds me of them taken away.. all triggers removed. It helps a lot I think..
It's just the memories that can drive me a bit.. psycho ex. Remember bursting into tears at a friends house and she was so shocked cos it had been 6/7 months and I hadn't spoken a word about him but suddenly I was devastated!
He drove past me at the start of lockdown and it knocked me for six for about 3 weeks!

I totally understand why someone would go 'psycho ex'..

[FireandFury]

@kitkat question is valuable, is this the first relationship you’ve felt like this post-break up? If it’s not and it’s a pattern then there could be some underlying mental health issues (I’m not medically qualified) but it wouldn’t be normal if you have felt like this repeatedly. The ex in question has behaved similar with another man she had briefly dated so I guess there were mental health issues at bay.

For me and my experience I had never felt grief like it when I originally split with my ex. I’d had relationships before and when they ran it’s course we remained friends and there was absolutely no drama so it was a shock to me to feel so out of control.

You’re likely going to get some harsh advice on here OP so here’s a hug but please do stop the obsessing because it doesn’t make anything any better. Join a club, get out and run and maybe explore a new hobby. Painting and cycling became my saviours.

[KitKat1985]

Stop. Think about how desperate it looks to be chasing after an ex who has made it clear he doesn't want you.

At worst you are going to end up looking like a stalking nutter and end up with the police paying you a visit.

Delete all your fake accounts and delete his number from your phone.

Have you ever been obsessive in a relationship before or is this the first time?

[atiabalba]

Oh love. I understand, i once had to take extreme measures to stop myself chasing an ex. Delete everything and everyone connected to him. Whatsapp, facebook, evevrything. If that doesnst work then Turn your phone off and post it to a good friend. Get a new basic non smart phone to use for now just to call and text loved ones.

Cry it out. I always have to just go through it. I cry for weeks & then eventually I start to feel better and hapoy again. It's ok to feel pain and sadness, we don't always have to avoid them.
Big hugs for you, you can do this.

[1Wildheartsease]

You do need help and support at the moment. This kind of shock does send you a little out-of-your-mind for a while and you are certainly feeling it in the strongest way possible. Ask! (Just don't ask him.)

Sadly, none of the things you so want to do will bring him back. There is NO chance they will work - not one - never -ever. Everytime you try, you push him a little further off.

The suffering you feel will not win him back.
Your need for him will not win him back.
Your willingness to give him everything/anything will not bring him back.
Your understanding of what he owes you - emotionally - will not bring him back.
All of these things will simply repell him further.

The only thing likely to have the effect of making him turn towards you again- in any way - is you being happy and having a fulfulling and busy life without him.

Sad but true:
Once you REALLY don't need him/want him... you will be much more attractive to him. Then you are in danger of starting the whole thing again. Write a warning for yourself!

[Bluntness100]

Op logically I think you know stalking him isn’t going to win him back. It’s likely to land you with a restraining order and a criminal conviction.

I think you need to speak to your doctor to get some help. In the mean time have you any friends or family who you can talk to and explain what you’ve been doing?

[MoaningMinniee]

You've already done the biggest and most important thing... you've posted here about it before upsetting yourself even more by doing the going round his house thing or putting stuff on the social media accounts you say you've created. Stay strong OP.

[Halli2020]

I used to call my ex off of unknown numbers and really obsess about him all the time. Until he called the police on me and nearly got me done for harassment. That can really mess up your career and future etc. If you are done for harassment, or even arrested. You can be arrested for what you are doing and trust me that would be terrifying for you.

[Hunnybears]

As hard as it is, the more you try to pursue it the more he will back off.

[Liloandstitch]

I've been there it feels awful to be out of control of your emotions. There's a fantastic book called Break Up it's Broken.. Read it!! It helped me over a very painful break up xx

[Justaboy]

I've had a slip up and now I'm back to being obsessed over him again.

He's not worthy of you, write that out 1000 times!

I even made fake accounts to speak to him. I'm contemplating going to his house and place of work.

Have some pride and self worth, and rise above it, be dignifed:)

Got that ????

[viewfromthecouch]

Please stop.

Imagine what it will look like if you have a stalking conviction you have to disclose every time you look for a new job.

just stop.

[FireandFury]

Many of us have been there and have done (in hindsight) ridiculous things as a result of losing someone we love so no judgement here. It’s hard when you’re the ex and you can be reduced to feeling utterly desperate. I’ve been there and worn the t-shirt.

I’ve also been on the receiving end of my dp’s ex and I didn’t realise just how bad it was really until he showed me everything. I blamed him for a lot of her behaviour but then I saw the messages and heard the voicemails, and the bikini photos of her ageing body trying to lure him back. Like me, she was desperate. Weekly we’d see she’d opened yet another new social media account with the sole intention of watching us. It got so bad that for us to sustain any semblance of a happy life we had to move far far away. Without her in our lives we have no drama whatsoever. I’m not blaming her for everything, my DP was an absolute shite too. We’ve locked down our SM and on some platforms created entirely brand new profiles as we don’t want her finding us and causing shit again.

So I’m giving you advice having lived both sides of the coin. You must stop what you’re doing because it’s unhealthy and could land you in serious hot water. Moreover, does your exes new girlfriend really deserve this? I know it’s hard to accept that he’s chosen someone else, again, I’ve been there, but he really has made his choice and I don’t think he could be more clear.

[Leflic]

I understand. I was with mine for eight years and I still think he was probably the love of my life despite him leaving over with no further 15 up years ago.
I’ve dated and married so life moves on but I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge a little place in my heart for him.

The thing is the stalking is about keeping the non existent relationship going. I found it helpful to repeat the saying that “ if you love someone,set them free”. It feels like you are “actively” doing something but without the risk of a restraining order. You are doing something positive for the guy you profess to love.

[dieselcam]

I am on the receiving of this, and it is hell. An ex became a stalker who wouldn't let go, even years later he would contact my family trying to get my details as he apparently just wanted to write a letter "explaining everything". I can't have a presence online because of him. I don't know if/when he will try again or what he is capable of. You cannot say you love someone and then do this to them OP. Let him go.

[MagnoliaJustice]

Delete all social media and do it now. He's moved on and so must you. Don't kid yourself he's The One. He's not. Don't put yourself in a position where you can get into trouble with the law - stalking and harassment are crimes. Surely you don't want a criminal record because of a failed romance?

[Mesomeplace]

Read women who love too much and also codependancy no more. Also remember the more you chase the further he will run away.

[nighttimetalk]

Hi,

This was me 10 years ago after a 4 year relationship. I felt like the world was over and I'd never get over him and he would string me along and I'd cry and beg....

I'm engaged now with a child to a man that doesn't treat me like second best, and this will be you too. There's someone out there for everyone, he's not that someone. Don't waste your life filling his ego xx

[fia101]

Also please don't fantasise he'll come back to you - you won't move on otherwise. He's made his decision.