what would you think of a woman who'd been married 3 times

[returnofthemollymawks]

Would you judge? Would you have a relationship with her?
She seems quite nice but I can't help but wonder what it is about her that makes her relationships fail?

[Entschuldigung]

Is she charming?

[returnofthemollymawks]

@IndieTara I think she is but it's hard to tell, we're only in touch online at the moment for obvious reasons but I can't stop thinking about her.

[SVRT19674]

Well, one is neither here nor there, two is bad luck, three is downright irresponsible. But then, some people marry all their girlfriends or boyfriends, when, if they had waited they would have moved on to the next fiance soon enough and saved themselves the divorce. Not a popular opinion, but there it i.

[ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings]

The thing with these threads which reverse a situation to try and prove a point that mn is full of sexist double standards, is that they make the naive assumption that we live in a world that's 100% equal, where men and women behave the same and are motivated by the same things. That just isn't the case. We live in a highly gendered world we're there are vastly different expectations of men and women and we are socialised in different ways since the moment of our birth.

What would I think if I knew a woman who had 3 divorces? Well given that women face a huge amount of social pressure both to marry and to remain married, especially when children are involved, I would assume if I knew no other details that her marriages ended because her husbands were abusive or unfaithful. It's very rare for women to divorce multiple times because they just get bored or fall out of love. Not that it never happens, but the pressure to "make it work" or "stay together for the children" is very strong for women. They are also much more likely to have the majority care of children after a divorce and face stigma for being divorced and for being lone parents. It's not a choice most women take lightly once, let alone multiple times.

What would I think if a man had been divorced multiple times? Well given the prevailing social position that men can walk away from the domestic commitments at the drop of a hat with little to no stigma, and are much less likely to have the main care of children, I would assume in the absence of any other details that (if he left them) he liked the idea of family life but not the reality, or that he was a serial cheat, or (if they left him) that he was utterly unbearable to live with or possibly abusive.

But the stupidest thing about threads like this and the thread that it's copying, is that if you're considering dating someone you don't have to make assumptions about why they're divorced, in fact you shouldnt make assumptions about why they're divorced, you should ask them why they're divorced and then judge them based on their replies.

In the thread that this is copying the op has said that the man's first marriage was when he was very young, his next 2 were 12 years each, and his last girlfriend left him for another man. In his situation I wouldn't judge him at all.

How about you OP? What are the fictional reasons that your fictional potential girlfriend has given for her 3 fictional divorces?

[Chiyo666]

I’d think she’s the sort of woman who feels the need to be looked after by a man.

[LittleWing80]

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings
Agree with you and reported the thread as non genuine.

[returnofthemollymawks]

I’d think she’s the sort of woman who feels the need to be looked after by a man.

Ha...we're both female so I hope she doesn't.

[Rebelwithallthecause]

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings +1 indeed

[Toilenstripes]

I know someone on her fourth marriage.

1st - teenaged love turned abusive
2nd - financial security
3rd - financial security
4th - soul mate

[Windyatthebeach]

Married to 4th dh now. Def don't need to be looked after!
Def have made a good choice at last!!.
I was lacking boundaries and accepted bad relationships as OK..
At 42 I met now dh. Coming up 8 years..
He didn't judge...
We are very happy.

[returnofthemollymawks]

I was lacking boundaries and accepted bad relationships as OK.

I'm certainly guilty of this one.

[Mishymoshy78]

She has mental health issues.

[Chiyo666]

It’s actually disgusting the response difference between this thread and the other one

[whichteaareyou]

A girl I know has been married and divorced twice by the time she was 30. She has a kid with each and now lives with this new 3rd bloke dragging her 2 kids behind. Not fair on the children. She's also not a very nice person.

[returnofthemollymawks]

It’s actually disgusting the response difference between this thread and the other one

I haven't read the other thread, given I'm attracted to women I have no interest in what happens with female-male relationships. It does make me laugh that I'm accused of copying it.

[Onthebrink87]

Depends why really. She could well have had bad experiences and fallen for men who were abusive etc. The positive you can take from it, us that if she has sifferrf bad relationships, she hasn't become jaded and clearly doesn't judge new people on her past experience. Usually this is a sign of someone being self aware and likely not a bitter man hater. It's difficult not to be suspicious of all men after bad experiences so she could well be an extremely well rounded person.

Equally, she could be the reason she hasn't had a successful relationship is all on her. Maybe spend sometime getting to know her, and maybe you can gauge what she's truly like! Try and have a conversation about previous relationships and you may well find out what you need to know based on how she speaks of her past experiences.

Long story short, you can't find out if she's worth perusing without communicating with her.

[Reversiblesequinsforadults]

I'd avoid in the same way that I'd avoid the man. Why are people less judgy for the woman? At the very least it shows lack of judgement and they'll have baggage.

[Herpesfreesince03]

@LittleWing80 don’t be a tit. Why report threads? Genuine or not it’s an interesting debate. If you don’t want to take part then scroll on 🙄

[Chiyo666]

But you didn’t mention that in the OP. I’m not attacking you, it’s just really shocking that the responses on the other thread are immediate and quite viscous about a man divorced 3 times is red flags, mentally ill, wouldn’t touch with a barge poll, is obviously a shit person yet when it’s a woman 3 times divorced it’s all, oh depends on the circumstance, bless. It’s pure bullshit.

[returnofthemollymawks]

But you didn’t mention that in the OP.

That we are both female? I didn't see it as relevent TBH, marriage is marriage IMO.

[whichteaareyou]

Oh and my dads been married 3 times and he's the biggest twat going. My earlier response was about a woman tho

[Chiyo666]

It’s not relevant. But you see how most of the responses will have made the assumption you were male though? I’m sure actually if you had said you were female your responses will have been different again.

[Herpesfreesince03]

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings I agree. Every failed marriage that I know of has ended due to either infidelity or abuse on the mans part. I don’t think it’s very common for a woman to leave a man without a good reason

[Shalom23]

All the divorced friend I know have been initiated by women having affairs.

I'd think someone who was married three times is an optimist who likes weddings. It wouldn't bother me.
If there are children from each marriage I'd be more wary due to the complexities of blended families.

[Musti]

OP were the marriages all to women or were they to men? If they were to men then maybe she wasn't aware that she's a lesbian and that's why they didnt work.