People who are having an affair? How are you managing during lockdown

[Sosweetmylovelygirl]

Just that really ! Are you missing your lover? How are you managing not seeing them during lockdown? I’m curious.

But perhaps to them, as in the case of my friend, other, more horrible things have happened to them than covid, and they make an adult decision about what to do with their own lives. It's not black and white, maybe? I don't know, but this whole 'We are learning what's important in life' might be relatively new to people who've otherwise lead, until now, something like a charmed or blessed or sheltered life, you know? It's obviously not the same for everyone, just going by this thread. I think, for many people, this pandemic is their first ever experience with something really bad, but for others, that's not so. Not looking for justification but more explanation.

I don't know, he's always been what is known as a cinq à sept.

Roff and others who have feelings for their married men....how on earth do you cope with knowing he is fucking his wife, chances are a lot more than normal, due to lockdown? Because you know that he is.

I caught out my fucking sad prick of a husband last week.
He suddenly in lockdown had a craze for early morning cycle rides for his daily exercise, along with hour long baths in the evening and never ending shits in the down stairs loo. He was actually off at 5 and 6am every morning for a shag with his bit on the side. His sudden increased bowel activity and interest in personsl hygiene was so he could wank off whilst chatting to his bit on the side.
The selfish twats gave no shits about social distancing just their fucking. My husband the fucking bellend, was quite happy to go off and fuck for an hour or 2 at 5am most mornings since lockdiwn began (dressing it up as a bike ride) and come home to us who have been self isolating since March 14th due to family members with health conditions.
The stupid bint he was fucking also obviously gave no shits about social distancing despite having an 8yo son with asthma. She also has been very vocal on social media community groups moaning about people who aren't obeying the social distancing rules and when she's not posting about that she likes to post about being kind. You honestly could not make this shit up....Fucking someone from another household, playing an active part in breaking up a family but telling everyone else to stick to the rules and be kind!!
As you can tell I'm fucking livid!!

I'm having an affair with netflix. Lockdown has made it even easier, and we're both happy with our arrangement

Where do people get the energy for affairs? I have trouble running one bloke, let alone two.

Some (a lot) of the responses here are quite brutal in their assessment of the women who have affairs. I’m always perplexed at this, if they have an affair with your husband/partner then surely it’s your partner that has wronged you? You have no idea what he may have told them about his circumstances etc. I think the vitriol is misplaced. I also think the responses indicate the dread/worry some women have that their man will cheat on them, it comes across that way to me anyway. They turn their anxiety towards the “scarlet woman” and I’m not sure it’s directed at the right person.

Btw, I’m not having an affair but I do have a long-standing FWB who lives a long way from me. We have no plans to see each other for the next little while. We are both quite sensible.

Ouch, classy peeps ehh...but Wow....there are people who want to have sex at 5am?? I am very much a 'do not poke the tired bear' kinda person....

Wow, there is so much bullying on this thread. The people who believe they have the moral high ground are being horrible to others, the irony. It would be good if people were allowed to tell their stories without being shouted down so much.

It must be difficult because the Travelodges & Premier Inns are closed, so where do you go for a clandestine shag if you’re both married?

Back seat of a Corsa in a layby off the A23?

Willyoujustbequiet I don't know whether he is having sex with his wife or not, I doubt it but he could be. Why would I care? Sex with someone you've been with forever has its own charms but it certainly lacks the excitement and thrill of a new person or person you see rarely. It's not a competition. There's a serious misunderstanding on this thread about how many affairs function. I'm in full agreement with Zovir

@Myhubbyranoffwithablinduglyfuc

Name changed because people just attack on these threads.

I’ve been having an affair for the last 18mths on and off but in reality this man has been in my life nearly 15yrs sexually on and off. We’ve done a brief didn’t get together then one of us has always been in a relationship. This time it’s me who is ( now) married and he’s become properly single in the last six months. We are now friends and my husband is aware of this.

To say we are immoral and awful people is just an easy way to condemn us. I’m still a caring, loyal person to many people and I still do work in the community and give a lot to others. Who I have been disloyal to is myself ( my moral compass) and my husband. However affairs don’t just happen unless their is an unmet need whether that is emotional or physical.

For me it was emotional. My husband just won’t connect with me about my mental health and quite literally prefers me to see my AP when I am low and down because it removes the need to support me. Unfortunately sometimes we cross the line as we kiss or have sex. In the last 4 months we have tried so hard to remove the physical element from our relationship and have failed on a couple of occasions. He’s never going to be in a relationship with me- at least not as long as our children are young. We’ve both done the blended families. It didn’t work out for him and I wouldn’t do it again consciously. At one point I would have given up everything for him. In some ways I think I still would but when thinking rationally I think I know we’ll never be together like that.

So I take what I can from it. Someone whose company I just feel comfortable in. Someone who has always accepted me for me including the bads bits- quite literally we know the best and worse of each other.

Have I seen him? Yes several times at a socially acceptable distance. We still work and need to go out shopping. It wasn’t difficult to arrange.

Have we breached lockdown. Yes. Not my proudest moments but our mental health was so low and we met. He was who I went to the moment lockdown was announced.

My marriage is shit. It’s going to end. Not because I’m leaving for my AP but because it’s made it very clear what’s missing. My husband has had so many chances to support me, go to counselling but refuses to. Yet he’s more than happy to take take take from me and see me run into the ground frequently and ignore my mental health crisis ( I went missing for hours after an upsetting call from police about historical sexual abuse- DH did nothing. AP sensed something not right and vane and just sat and supported me). It’s stuff like that which makes me feel less guilty about the whole situation but guilty I do still feel.

Good luck
I left about a year in to my affair. Having ap was a great comfort during those times. Now, I like him in the background, a comfortable background hum to my life, with none of the hassle of having to live with someone again or give them too much of myself.

I had a quick peek on reddit adultery to see all the sad posts by people whose affair partners had left them due to rediscovering their great love for their spouses. I didn't see any more than the normal number of sad posts. Most seemed quite happily trundling along. Some were thinking of leaving their spouse due to the stress of lockdown. No surprise there.

IME of the people I know who have had affairs the physical moments are usually snatched moments anyway and it’s usually a case of seeing each other on occasions only rather than being constantly at it, so it’s likely that for many people nothing will have changed other than that they’ll have to find time to keep in touch. But with texting etc that’s so much easier anyway.

I think for many though lockdown will change relationships, not just in those where people are having affairs but those where people are in difficult marriages, and in some instances even when they didn’t realise there were issues but will do so once they’re stuck in the same place for a significant amount of time.

@McTits

Suggesting that people who have an affairs won’t be sticking to lockdown rules because they have no regard for rules is ridiculous!

"One of my closest friends is having an affair with a medic. Admittedly she has rather un mariage blanc. He's divorced. She's still been meeting him."

"But perhaps to them, as in the case of my friend, other, more horrible things have happened to them than covid, and they make an adult decision about what to do with their own lives."

"My husband the fucking bellend, was quite happy to go off and fuck for an hour or 2 at 5am most mornings since lockdiwn began (dressing it up as a bike ride) and come home to us who have been self isolating since March 14th due to family members with health conditions."

🤔

Kanyesvest Oh I remember Howard and Marina! Always getting into a scrape before any Hanky Panky though .Howard would always be falling off his bike into a bush ,and was terrified of his bossy wife!

We are texting a bit more than normal, leaving lots of whispered voice notes (him, i don't need to whisper) and if he goes out of the house alone then he calls me. Or sometimes he calls me in a whisper from a quiet corner of his house.

I'm not too worried about him having more sex with his wife. I know they sleep together anyway and he also has another AP apart from me, so I'm used to sharing him.

We might not see each other until July / Aug / Sept as we both have quite a lot going on. I miss him but its fine.. it been going on for 18 months, i'm not worried about a few months apart.

@Faye1284

All you've done there is selectively picked the pieces that support your opinion.

Plenty of us have said we aren't breaking lockdown to see each other.

@McTits

'm not too worried about him having more sex with his wife. I know they sleep together anyway and he also has another AP apart from me, so I'm used to sharing him.

Would you consider the man in this affair as deeply unhappy or not having his emotional/physical needs met? Or is he just a shit human?

His wife probably considers that their marriage is happy, I'm pretty sure he hasn't told her his needs are not being met. Despite having at least 18 months to tell her.

@Faye1284
I’m not condoning anything and I’m not going to judge anyone either. I’m referring to the vast majority of people and their situations. Clearly this is a very different situation. I would also be very surprised if the wife in this situation doesn’t have any idea either!

I’m still a caring, loyal person to many people and I still do work in the community and give a lot to others.

In your opinion which when you're that type really doesn't hold much ground.

However affairs don’t just happen unless their is an unmet need whether that is emotional or physical.

Then leave. If you're such a wonderful person do the right thing. Don't be a c*nt then boast how wonderful you are. Because you're not. Wake up..

And those who can't understand the hate. Seriously?? Who cares. People who have no problems doing this are scum plain and simple. If you disagree then that's great but there's nothing wrong with others thag want nothing to do with people like this who still think they're wonderful, upstanding citizens which just goes to show how skewed their opinion of themselves really is, and if you think affairs are OK then you're as bad...... So hope you all get what's coming to you in the end...

Everyone is entitled to their opinion of the matter without being stomped on for that. The cheats are in the wrong not those who don't condone it.... It's a public thread on a public forum if people want to admit to being downright assholes and failures at life then others have the right to tell them so. Those who don't cheat but have a problem with them being told the truth about what they're doing are as bad.

Seriously how is it OK to do this to people.... These. Oh so desirable crones have to be desperate to think they're the chosen one of the affair partners. You're just one of many you fools..
Good God the defense for these oxygen thieves is amazing. So many people who think it's ok to do this because of some ridiculous sap story about not getting enough attention wahhwahh..you don't deserve attention your partner can see who you are... Wake up.

@McTits whilst I think some people who have affairs are unhappy, I don't believe that it's the vast majority. Many do it because they have their head turned and think they can get away with it but aren't unhappy enough to leave the marriage. I also think that fact that so many OW/OM are happy to take part enables it. It genuinely shocks me how many people excuse/condone/explain cheating and I often wonder if they'd be quite so understanding (excusing) if it happened to them or their children or a loved one.

I will also bite.

I’m having an affair, no I am not seeing my AP during lockdown because I work nhs frontline and wouldn’t want to pass anything onto him or his wife who is pregnant (yes I know I’m a piece of shit!)
The situations is complicated, with lots of backstory and more things have happened in the last few weeks which just adds to the complicated situation.
I’ve missed my AP a lot, more than I thought I would. He’s left his wife during lockdown but it’s been me who’s been apprehensive about leaving my husband.

I don’t condone my behaviour, I don’t brag or feel proud of it.
I don’t need strangers on the internet to tell me what we are doing is wrong, I am well aware of that. I have simply answered the OPs question.

roff what about the MH of those that are being cheated on ? But of course they dont matter