People who are having an affair? How are you managing during lockdown

[Sosweetmylovelygirl]

Just that really ! Are you missing your lover? How are you managing not seeing them during lockdown? I’m curious.

@beeinmygarden you just can't accept a different opinion than your own can you? Cheating is wrong. And whilst I accept that some circumstances are easier to understand than others, it's not justified in my eyes (and plenty of others too). Most of the women who are justifying affairs on here are only doing so because they are or have been complicit in them and they have to convince themselves that they were justified in doing so. I do believe people change and I believe people can make mistakes and that doesn't necessarily make them terrible people but it still doesn't justify cheating in my opinion.

This thread has repeatedly shown cheaters who are still willing to meet up despite the lock down, putting others at risk. Confirming to me that being selfish is a common trait of cheaters.

Let's get it right here, if been called names and abuses because I don't condone cheating. The world's gone mad.

Sorry late reply to Faye1284 from last night (apologies moving house and no time on MN )

How would I feel if DH decided he was now married to the wrong person ?

Upset of course- but I have always held to the mantra that you cannot make someone love you. 23 years after our affair, 4 now adult Dsc and 3 of my own who choose to spend a lot of time with us - tells me all I need to know. Also the fact that DH knows that I could leave him just as easily as he could leave me...

This thread has repeatedly shown cheaters who are still willing to meet up despite the lock down, putting others at risk. Confirming to me that being selfish is a common trait of cheaters

^^ Yup. They just don't give a shit about any one apart from themselves, and prove this over, and over, and over again.

This thread has repeatedly shown cheaters who are still willing to meet up despite the lock down, putting others at risk. Confirming to me that being selfish is a common trait of cheaters.

No it hasn't and you know that. A couple of posters have said they are still meeting, some because they work together etc.

Most of us have said we're not. And these boards are full of people breaking lockdown. So I guess by your logic of association they must all be cheaters too, as it's a common trait right?

@disorganisedsecretsquirrel would you accept that as a justified reason in cheating though or would you deserve to be told that?I agree that you can't and shouldn't even try to make someone stay. That's not love, it's manipulation.

@roff I accept that you're not but plenty are. It's not a couple, it's a least 5 and I accept that plenty of people are breaching lockdown....they're definitely selfish and probably would cheat since they have little regard for others. They probably park in disabled bays too.

There is NO excuse for deceiving people and that is what cheaters do. They deceive people. They lie to meet their own needs.
I'm on the receiving end of the absolute shit of a man (my husband) fucking some weirdo stalkery woman.
They have both deceived me.
The lies, bullshit and levels of deception they've gone to for a regular hag is unreal.
Of course, nowc its been pointed out to me on here, I obviously wasn't giving the twat enough attention sexually when I was going through my cancer treatment. What a fucking bitch I am. I obviously deserve all I fucking get....you know survival of the fittest and all that, if I can't shag my husband 24/7 even throughout chemk then he has a right to fuck the nearest vagina/arsehole on offer.

There is ALWAYS lies and deceit when people cheat. It's a repeated behaviour. It's often pre meditated.

That's what cheaters are.....deceitful liars.

Try all you like to justify your reasons for doing what you do but you're kidding yourselves that it's ok.

Leave and fuck off together. Don't treat others on such a deceitful way. It's just wrong.

Yes I would agree you need to be told.
Faye1984 it might be hard to hear and that is why I with 3 and him with 4 avoided it. However all dc/sdc would say it was the right thing to do. All lived with very unhappy marriages.. constant rowing and screaming which stopped once we were ALL e we typed in the right partnerships. (Not just him and I but both out ex's )

Our exes

@disorganisedsecretsquirrel off course it's hard to hear, it's heartbreaking. But not as devastating as discovering an affair. I personally think it's less damaging to leave than cheat and worthy of more respect. I think within time, I would respect someone who ended a relationship with me because it wasn't what they wanted where as I would never forgive someone who cheated on me, I would hope to never have to see them again.

@Faye1284
You said: “ @beeinmygarden you just can't accept a different opinion than your own can you?” and then immediately went on to state your opinion “Cheating is wrong” as fact, without acknowledging people have a different opinion to you. Talk about irony!

This is a funny post. People who have an affair for years... sure the other party must notice. Where would you be going in lock down unless the place you work is still open!

Don’t think anyone said that cheating was justified though did they?

And thinking that an affair was ill-advised while true in principle makes little difference once it’s done.

I certainly would advise anyone against having an affair even though I had one.And there are situations where I would judge someone for doing so,e.g. the poster who has not one,but more than one child with an AP and seems to think this is perfectly ok? I have an issue with that even though the AP is apparently in an abusive relationship.

A relative of my ex was an OW throughout her whole life and had a child with the MM. His wife also threatened to kill not only herself but her children if he left, and this was way before abuse was ever recognised. His adult children accepted her into their lives after their mum died and even now their dad is dead they’re all very close.

However,they have no idea that her child is their sister,and the child (who is now an adult) couldn’t go to her dad’s funeral because people would then have found out who she was.

So there are still two sets of siblings here who will never know what relation they are to each other.While the relative and the MM obviously had their own reasons for doing what they did,and TBH if you stay in an affair for 40/50 years there has to be more to it than just sex,) bringing children into the situation puts it on a whole different level,especially if there is more than one.

TBH I would wonder whether the OW got pregnant more than once to try to make the MM leave his wife.

Also, if he died his wife and children from his marriage would inherit everything while the OW’s would get nothing.

Test

@sammylady37 I said cheating is wrong in direct response to her saying 'Faye is wrong'. Both are opinions. I accept that some people will always find excuses for affairs but that doesn't mean I have to lower my own standards.

Phone & video-calls, text messages, sending each other funny/romantic clips etc. On the whole human beings can be quite resourceful. I'm sure many can and will wait it out whilst keeping a link going in some way, then just resume when lockdown is over. & There must surely be people who are able to pop out for an hour or 2 during the daytime and manage to meet.

@HoneyBeeHappy people on this thread have tried to justify affairs for all sorts of reasons. Unstable wives, lack of sex, wanting to marry some one else, being abused, because the wife turns a blind eye, enjoying each other's company, all sorts of shit.

I also notice how none of you have a shread of empathy for the poor woman who's husband had an affair whilst she was fighting cancer. What a delightful human he is.

I’ve name changed to be on this thread and I’ve thought for a few days before commenting.

I have been married almost ten years and have 2 kids. My youngest is 2.5.

I had an affair and am now divorcing. I was someone whose childhood was badly affected when my dad left my mum for another woman. I always said I would never ever cheat / have an affair. I was a totally dedicated mum to my older son (he’s 9). Both kids same dad.

When I got pregnant with my 2nd son I was going through an incredibly tough time. Work was highly stressful. A very bad life event happened (details are outing so won’t share them). This was off the back of a tough few years inc bereavement. Then I had my son and for some reason I indisted on going back to work after 4 months. I threw myself into work and began drinking an incredible amount. My husband has always been a difficult guy and he was particularly difficult just after the birth. When my son was 5 months old or so I told my husband I would leave him if he didn’t change. Pretty soon after I embarked on an affair. As I say I was drinking a lot. On my part I didn’t have to lie as I just said I was out for drinks, which was true.

Now I look back I think I had post natal depression. It’s really only now that I’ve started to bond with my son. I told my husband after about 3 months that it was over. I didn’t tell him
About the affair then, I told him that about 3 months later.

PP is right about one thing. I didn’t empathise with him. But then people who are depressed often aren’t able to empathise. In fact one of the ways I started to realise something was actually wrong was because I used to care so much about stuff and one day realised that I cared about nothing.

Fast forward to now, we are divorcing. He’s been devastated but doing better now. My older son is devastated. It has had a knock on effect on so many things and I will carry this guilt with me for the rest of my life. I don’t think I’m depressed any more so the last few months have been incredibly painful as I face up to the hurt I have caused, the impact it has had and will likely continue to have.

There is no key board Warrior on earth who can make me feel worse about what I have done than I already do.

I’m sharing my story only because I think the black and white moralistic judgments on this thread would be laughable were it not so depressing.

People are complex, they are unpredictable. My good friends (many of whom are moralistic) say that I was - and am - an honest person. I just went off the rails because I stopped coping. Doesn’t make it ok. But also doesn’t make me a prostitution, A moral, or totally lacking in empathy.

I'm going to leave this thread now because it's literally just a gloat page for cheats. I do hope the next time you are cheated on, you reflect on what you did to deserve it as it will definitely be your own fault. But you understand that already don't you? Cheaters don't cheat for nothing you know.

@Faye1284 I don’t think it works like that. If I get cheated on in the future, it won’t be the universe’s payback for me having cheated in the past, it will be because there’s a problem - either in the relationship or with the partner that they can’t communicate.

By your logic (and assuming you were cheated on, which is why you feel so strongly about it) it happened as payback for something bad you did in the past?!

Can you see that doesn’t actually make any sense?

If you are so unhappy in a relationship- you leave- or u stay and stop seeing your shag muppet and work on your relationship
Having affairs are for knobs

@Namechangebackwards that's not what I mean. I don't believe in karma. Maybe read it again. For the record, I haven't been cheated on in my marriage but my father cheated on my mother and it was devastating the watch.

*to

Missing my boss, we are texting a lot but it isn't thesame...

@Faye1284 my point is that you berated @beeinmygarden for bring unable to accept any opinion other than her own, but that’s EXACTLY the way you are. You’re doing the equivalent of sticking your fingers in your ears and shouting “lalalala I can’t hear you!” when other people are giving their experiences/opinion.