Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend wants to move in together but he doesn't love me?

95 replies

meme798 · 28/04/2020 19:50

My boyfriend (29) and I (30) have been together for over a year. A few months ago I told him that I loved him - he didn't respond in the same way. He said it isn't a word he just throws around - I never mentioned it again. Now he talks about buying a house together - taking the next step in our relationship and moving in together. I own a home and I have a daughter (her father is not involved at all). He lives with his parents. He doesn't want to move into my house and I don't want to move out if there is no commitment. I love him and don't want to push him away but am unsure of what to do ....

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 28/04/2020 19:56

So you sell your home and put money into a shared house that he has a claim on? What's he planning to put in?

Fuck. That.

BitOfFun · 28/04/2020 19:58

Nah. It's an underwhelming offer, isn't it?

Original poster
meme798 · 28/04/2020 19:59

Yes I agree - and that's what I said to him. I don't feel comfortable selling my home and taking away my daughters stability to jump into a scenario where someone can't even tell me he loves me ... it doesn't have any logic behind it - his response was "well good thing I don't have the money now"

OP posts:
category12 · 28/04/2020 19:59

No. You own a home, you have a daughter. Don't give up your independence or risk your security to buy with someone who can't even say I love you.

You haven't been together that long either.

"The next step" isn't buying a house. It's far smaller than that.

missyB1 · 28/04/2020 20:00

No chance!! Don’t even think about it. You and your dd are worth so much more than that.

HollowTalk · 28/04/2020 20:01

You'd have to be insane to do this! You have your security - don't give that up unless you'd be even more secure.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 28/04/2020 20:01

If he doesnt love you after a year, he's not going to suddenly start loving you. I'm sorry OP, I'd get rid and start fresh

category12 · 28/04/2020 20:02

He doesn't even have the money for it?! I think he thinks you're an easy mark and a bit dim.

Raella50 · 28/04/2020 20:04

Run!

frazzledasarock · 28/04/2020 20:06

If my boyfriend of a year told me he ‘didn’t feel like that’ after I told him I loved him, I’d leave him.

He doesn’t love you a year in but does want you to buy a house with his name on it.

Nope, don’t do it. Even if he declares his undying love for you now. Hang on to your home and security.

Ninkanink · 28/04/2020 20:07

Eh what?

I hope you laughed and told him where he could go?

Aquamarine1029 · 28/04/2020 20:08

Please be smart enough to dump this twat.

volatility · 28/04/2020 20:08

Blimey. Is this for real? No way and he really should be getting dumped for that ridiculous crap. Find yourself a grown up!

Thingsdogetbetter · 28/04/2020 20:08

Even with an 'I love you' from a broke 29 year old who lives with his parents: fuck that.

He's broke and making plans for YOU to buy a house for you AND him. WTF?

May I ask why he won't move into yours? What reason is there for needing a whole new house paid for with your money - other than getting his name on the deeds?

He's either a cocklodger wanna be or future faking it or he's panicked that his not loving has freaked you out and he's making commitment noises to keep you on side!

Can I ask how often he stays at yours? Does he turn up with wine and food or expect you to feed him? Does he help around the houses or do you wait on him? Does his mum or you do his laundry? Does he have a job? Why does he still live with his parents? So many questions!

MarylandMayhem · 28/04/2020 20:09

Why would you stay with someone who doesn't love you? I'd be so embarrassed.

Keep your own home, you have a daughter to think about.

myangelalex · 28/04/2020 20:09

Hope you told him to feck off

BitOfFun · 28/04/2020 20:09

What's good about him?

Bertucci · 28/04/2020 20:10

A year in, if this is a good relationship, you should be completely nuts about each other. Don't settle for anything less.

Dontbeme · 28/04/2020 20:10

I own a home and I have a daughter, He lives with his parents

Be wary of him trying to move in by stealth OP, staying more and more nights to the point their is no reason for him to go home to mum and dad. Honestly you deserve better than Mr Lukewarm here.

longtimecomin · 28/04/2020 20:10

Get rid, he's not the one

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/04/2020 20:12

Erm...why are you with him? He doesn’t love you and is being really blatant about wanting to utilise you for his own furtherance regardless?

Sicario · 28/04/2020 20:12

I think any women, particularly a mother, who gives up the independence and security of owning a home of her own, must be nuts.

Original poster
meme798 · 28/04/2020 20:15

It's crazy because he makes good money about $40 an hour full time job with benefits and overtime. His plan is to pay his car off first and THEN buy a house - so he's living with his parents to save but I think it's crazy because I have a house where I am comfortable and more importantly it is my daughters home. He shows up without saying - he will usually sleep over on Fridays and Saturdays and sleep at his parents during the week - It takes an emotional toll on me to be in such a lopsided relationship - and then he tells me he knows he wants to be with me and he knows I'm the one he sees a future with but I don't see the commitment on his end.

OP posts:
Onthemaintrunkline · 28/04/2020 20:16

Please listen to the above messages, they all say the same thing albeit slightly differently.
Do not, just don’t put at risk the security you have built for your daughter and yourself........... for, well, what exactly?

FallonSwift · 28/04/2020 20:16

He sees you as an easy route on to the property ladder.

Ditch him and move on.

Do not give up your home or your DD's security for anything or anyone.