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Original poster

Boyfriend wants to move in together but he doesn't love me?

95 replies

meme798 · 28/04/2020 19:50

My boyfriend (29) and I (30) have been together for over a year. A few months ago I told him that I loved him - he didn't respond in the same way. He said it isn't a word he just throws around - I never mentioned it again. Now he talks about buying a house together - taking the next step in our relationship and moving in together. I own a home and I have a daughter (her father is not involved at all). He lives with his parents. He doesn't want to move into my house and I don't want to move out if there is no commitment. I love him and don't want to push him away but am unsure of what to do ....

OP posts:
AmelieTaylor · 28/04/2020 20:17

I can't wirk out why you're with him? You and your DD deserve so much more than this!!

FallonSwift · 28/04/2020 20:17

He shows up without saying - he will usually sleep over on Fridays and Saturdays and sleep at his parents during the week

So he basically turns up for his weekend shag? Tell him to fuck off.

Original poster
meme798 · 28/04/2020 20:18

I agree with all of you - thank you so much you're all awesome and helpful! I just am at a loss for words and don't know what to say to him.

OP posts:
Rottnest · 28/04/2020 20:18

You have a home and your daughter has stability.
There is no way on earth you should consider buying a house with this man. He is not committed to you, but wants a home with you, using your hard earned money to do so.

He lives with his parents and is broke, but happy to use your money, fpr his home comforts etc.

There are so many red flags here, think carefully, then get rid of him.

BacklashStarts · 28/04/2020 20:20

No. You own a home, you have a daughter. Don't give up your independence or risk your security to buy with someone who can't even say I love you.

"The next step" isn't buying a house. It's far smaller than that.

Agree! Dump!

category12 · 28/04/2020 20:20

"Kthnxbai" is about all he deserves.

Do you ever go out and have a good time together, even?

DTMFA

MarylandMayhem · 28/04/2020 20:20

and then he tells me he knows he wants to be with me and he knows I'm the one he sees a future with but I don't see the commitment on his end

He's stringing you along, he probably thinks of you as little more than the stereotype desperate single mother (and you're actually living up to it tbh).

Prove him wrong, get rid of him.

FallonSwift · 28/04/2020 20:21

Dear knob-end,

I've been thinking about our relationship. I've realised that it's not working for me anymore and that it's best that we move on from each other. All the best for the future.

BloomedAgain · 28/04/2020 20:23

I'd limit the amount of time you waste on him 'this isn't working for me, goodbye' is enough.

Ohohohwhereyougoing · 28/04/2020 20:23

Get rid of this commitment phobe!!

Onthemaintrunkline · 28/04/2020 20:25

Hi, reading your last post, it seems to me to be ALL about him. What he wants when he wants it. He drops in when he wants to, using his parents to save, using you for his weekends, using your home as a steppingstone to get his own home. Is the term User/taker appropriate here? You sound pretty sensible, continue to safeguard your daughter and your own security at all costs.

Batmanandbobbin · 28/04/2020 20:26

What's good about him?
This exactly.

Zaphodsotherhead · 28/04/2020 20:26

Is he living at home and saying that he 'wants to buy a house with you' in the hopes that his parents will give him a large wodge of cash to help him buy and get him out of their house?

Keep your house and your independance, OP. He just wants a regular shag.

triedandtestedteacher · 28/04/2020 20:29

No way. Why have you even carried on seeing him?

Bookoffacts · 28/04/2020 20:31

Red flags.
Gaslighting you already. Diminishing what you say / your value / your input / your money.
Withholding affection to control you.
Holding all the cards.

You deserve a lot better.

Bookoffacts · 28/04/2020 20:34

Do what @fallonswift says.

AgentJohnson · 28/04/2020 20:35

Why have you been so accepting of his bullshit? In the words of Ms Grande “Thank you, next”!

helpmum2003 · 28/04/2020 20:37

Dump him. Just say the relationship isn't working for you anymore. End of. (It could be worse, he could've lied about loving you to get you to comply...)

coolcatsandkitten · 28/04/2020 20:38

Wow he thinks you’re stupid op Sad

Don’t do it. And maybe find someone who does love you!

Original poster
meme798 · 28/04/2020 20:38

We were friends before we got into a relationship and seeing that he knows my background stories and the last 2 previous really shitty relationships I was in I thought he would acknowledge that and do better. The feeling of being with someone who can't even tells me he loves me seeing that this was built from a friendship as well is pretty demeaning. I'm clearly at a point in my life where I want someone who will settle with me but about a month ago he told me that even 2 years is not long enough to know if you want to marry someone which, to me, is absurd....

OP posts:
NoMoreDickheads · 28/04/2020 20:38

It takes an emotional toll on me to be in such a lopsided relationship

Then you know what to do. x

Bluewater1 · 28/04/2020 20:40

I'm sorry, this relationship just isn't working for me anymore

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/04/2020 20:42

he knows my background stories and the last 2 previous really shitty relationships I was in I thought he would acknowledge that and do better.

He appears to think this is the level of relationship you will accept. Don't.

Sally2791 · 28/04/2020 20:44

Please do not dance to his tune. He’s only thinking of himself- think of yourself and your daughter. He sounds like a waste of space

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/04/2020 20:44

He just shows up. Doesn’t like planning by the sound of it. Maybe you tell him he hasn’t proved he is ready to take the next steps and you’re not putting your dds security at risk. Don’t waste the best years of life with a man, who doesn’t value you.