Boyfriend wants to move in together but he doesn't love me?

[meme798]

My boyfriend (29) and I (30) have been together for over a year. A few months ago I told him that I loved him - he didn't respond in the same way. He said it isn't a word he just throws around - I never mentioned it again. Now he talks about buying a house together - taking the next step in our relationship and moving in together. I own a home and I have a daughter (her father is not involved at all). He lives with his parents. He doesn't want to move into my house and I don't want to move out if there is no commitment. I love him and don't want to push him away but am unsure of what to do ....

Your DD loses out on all her weekends with you because your bf drops by for free food and shags?

You’re paying him for sex. Payment in terms of access to your child, free use of your child’s home, free food, free hot water, entertainment. He learned before your sex exchange (this is not a relationship) how low your standards are and took note. He doesn’t even have to pretend he likes you, yet thinks you’re stupid enough to buy him a house! Are you not insulted?!
‘This isn’t working for me. Your toothbrush is in a bag by the gate. Best wishes.’
When he inevitably replies with cliched drivel, say ‘do not contact me again.’
The next time, reply ‘all further attempts to contact me are now deemed harassment and will be recorded.’ Then block.

*About a month ago he told me that even 2 years is not long enough to know if you want to marry someone which, to me, is absurd...."

That IS absurd. But also absurd is the fact he'd consider buying a house with you even if doesn't know if he wants to marry you.

You most definitely deserve better. Don't give up your hard-won independence and home for a cocklodger.

He sounds like a teenager.

He seems very selfish and immature. He won't even say ''I love you'' - I think he's doing you a favour there - showing his true colours while expecting a lot but giving nothing in return. You've got your house and your children - move on from him asap.

Are you dating my ex?!

Almost the exact same scenario. The guy didn't seem at all concerned with the status of our relationship (which was rocky because he kept making quite self centred decisions with little thought for how it would affect me) but wanted me to take all the financial burden and risk. he would gain everything. His reason for us moving in to a place I owed (with no financial contribution from him) was because it was convenient for his work...romantic. I explained the major financial implications of his expectations. He acted like it was nothing. Nothing for him maybe!

He also turned up when it suited him, complained about the food I made, only contacted me it suited him and only touched me when he wanted sex. But wanted to live together?! It was brain bending.

Hes an ex for a reason!

Remove the cocklodger from your life asap. They never improve and it is soul destroying.

Really, why would you do that? It won't get any better that this.

He lodges with parents during week - gets washing done, dinner etc...

Weekend booty calls with you - plus meals.

He’s got it made!

Hmm, the Op says that she loves him so I imagine there is more to him than the thumbnail sketch we are getting here.
However I think the OP should point out their unequal relationship. ie she does all the giving and he does all the taking.
This is not a good basis on which to be considering a future together.
I would guess that he has never ever cosidered the inequality here and needs it pointing out.
He (Like a lot of young men) is seeing his future as first off being financially "sorted" being debt free etc before he feels able to make any committment to a permanent relationship.
I don't think that the OP necessarily needs to kick him into touch, but he needs it pointing out that his attitude and behaviour is unfair to the OP.
And no OP don't let him move in with you, however he has been honest to you about the depth of his feelings, he could have lied purely to get his own way, but he didn't.
Just proceed with caution OP and go with you gut feeling as to whether he is worth sticking with.

I think you will feel liberated once you kick him to the curb. This has been all about him , nothing about him that seems to have any consideration for you. Like pp said- my friends treat me better

This is your daughter's home, her safe place. Don't allow this man to do this. Don't teach her that this is what she should expected from a relationship, either.

seeing that he knows my background stories and the last 2 previous really shitty relationships I was in I thought he would acknowledge that and do better

Rookie mistake OP, this guy just knows all the buttons to push to get you to go along with his mistreatment of you, he knows and understands all the ways you are vulnerable.

So he shows up late on Friday, presumably after seeing his mates and the pub, and has you wait on him hand and foot for the weekend, service him sexually and feed him. Then leaves to play video games with his cousin. Does he ever take you out anywhere, dinner, cinema or just a fun day out that he organises and pays for? Because from what you have written you seem to think this is a relationship and for him it is somewhere to go to get out from under his parents feet at the weekend with a FWB thrown in. He has to make no effort with you OP and you deserve better than being treated like that.

No he just shows up on Friday nights at whatever hour of the night - usually between 10 and 12 - breakfast, lunch and dinner is cooked here - he does run out for grocery some times but usually I am the one who goes food shopping. No flowers, he is not an affectionate person .... Sundays he leaves at about 5 to play video games with his cousin.

Why are you not telling him it’s over? Your standards seem v low. He is showing you what his priorities are (getting to play at moving out of mummy and daddy’s house at the weekend to get shags and meals)-he doesn’t even have to offer any affection or commitment and you’ll still let him do it!

Simple text as already suggested

This relationship doesn’t work for me anymore. I wish you all the best.

Then block

Please also think seriously about doing the freedom programme.

I also think you can learn a lot about red flags and how to form a healthy relationship by reading the threads on here. There is some amazing advice.
You clearly have a lot to offer but you also deserve a lot as well. Not scraps like this guy is giving you

Hmm, the Op says that she loves him so I imagine there is more to him than the thumbnail sketch we are getting here hahahahahaha!

He can either move in with you or you rent out your place and rent somewhere together. I think a years too soon to move him in with your daughter anyway tbh

agree don't do it

Why all the dialogue on here? Sometimes talking about it becomes part of the cycle: Letting off steam on here or with friends. Arguments with him. He says something nice. You think you've made him understand. You haven't. Don't you know lots of guys lie to, and placate women as a tactic to control, because they really (really) don't care that much about you? But you are a 'resource' - money, food, sex, boredom relief. Round and round. Round and round

Silence - then Action. After some time has passed you feel amazing and string and then you will begin to understand.

you will feel amazing and strong!!! (not string FFS)

the last 2 previous really shitty relationships I was in

They must have been truly diabolical for you to have put up with this new shitty relationship for over a year

The Freedom Programme suggestion is a good one.You need to break this cycle.

And that has to come from you expecting decent treatment, expecting a healthy relationship, and moving on from people who treat you poorly instead of hanging around hoping they'll decide to eventually gift you decent treatment.