DP accidentally forwarded me porn

[lockeddownlockedout]

DP and I don't live together. We've been together six years. This morning, first message of the day from him, I received a video from him that he'd accidentally forwarded to me.

It had two very slim attractive (naked) women in it. I'm feeling very fat and awful at the moment.

The video had been sent to him and he had intended to forward it to a group chat with his friends.

I watch porn myself but I just feel really annoyed/upset/grossed out by it.

AIBU?

If you watch porn yourself you support the porn industry so I don't see the problem

Yeah, porn (IMO) is for private use or with someone in a sexual relationship. Sharing it with mates shows he views women as objects. It's just really not ok for someone with a partner to do, in particular.

You watch porn. Therefore you are comfortable with porn. But yet you're grossed out by him?
Give over.

And very clearly the issue here is your self confidence.

If you thought the women in the shoot were ugly, I doubt you'd have an issue

sorry but this is a case of pots and kettles. sharing it with his mates ? totally skanky, jog off dp i'm done with you.

I agree with firebrand123.

Also, an image or clip being shared around on Whatsapp and the like, that could very well be without the consent of the women photographed. They could be underage too. I know those issues affect websites as well.

Accidentally my arse.

@lockeddownlockedout
"I watch porn myself"
Right here is where you sort of lose the right IMO, double standards.

Does he realise he has sent it to you? What have you said to him?

It was a mistake, you watch porn and now you know he does, what is the problem?

Do you watch a different type of porn? One with no women or larger women? It seems their weight has pissed you off. So it’s hard to understand if you also watch it. One can only assume you watch something different?

I think it's worse because he wasn't using it to masturbate to, he was using it in a "wheeeyyy look at this, lads" kind of way. It just feels gross and goes against what I know about him. I've never seen that kind of "laddish" behaviour from him. And yes I am very insecure about my own weight at the moment so that hasn't helped.

I think I understand why OP is bothered by this, in that I would feel weird about my BF sharing porn with his friends but not about him watching it.. but maybe that's a personal thing based on what would feel out of character for him. Porn is a funny thing, people's attitudes to it are so individual.

I think the key here, OP, is does this reflect more about your insecurities about your body/attractiveness then it does about how you feel about porn?

At the end of the day, if it bothers you it bothers you and it doesn't really matter how anyone here feels. You just need to try to understand why it bothers you so that you're trying to resolve the right issue, and I'd also be really interested to know what conversation (if any) you've had with your DP since this happened.

Watching is one thing - and there's a huge ethical debate around that.
And porn is not one entity -if I watch personally uploaded amateur videos of guys who.know they gave impressive appendages masturbating .. is that the same as commercial porn with some barely of age young women being anally gang banged by middle aged blokes?

Anyway, sharing for titillation/laughs whatever is another thing.

Says a lot about the people who do it.

This is the second accidental porn share thread in two days - lockdown really is shining a light on some people's habits isn't it..

This is the second accidental porn share thread in two days - lockdown really is shining a light on some people's habits isn't it..

Exactly what I was thinking!!

I think it's worse because he wasn't using it to masturbate to, he was using it in a "wheeeyyy look at this, lads" kind of way. It just feels gross and goes against what I know about him. I've never seen that kind of "laddish" behaviour from him.

It does lower your opinion if someone when you learn they feel the need to bond with their friends over objectifying sex and women.

Porn is porn, you watch it, sorry, no sympathy

*of

Id be furious if a partner did this - but I don’t watch porn and am against it.
If I watched it myself though, I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on?

It does lower your opinion if someone when you learn they feel the need to bond with their friends over objectifying sex and women.

Yep, definitely. Like you said, @GilbertMarkham, porn is not one entity. There is porn out there created by women for women, there is porn created by men for men, and almost every other type you can imagine... I see no issue with consenting adults using porn that also features consenting adults, but like anything in a relationship, both people's views need to be aligned on this. OP, I think you need to have a frank discussion with your DP about this and see how it goes (if you haven't already), both about the porn aspect and about your current insecurities so that he knows how you're feeling.

When all this "only a laugh" stuff is fine by men I find they realise in an incredibly fast way when they have it done to them.

Exchanging and sleazing over porn - accidentally send him a clip of some guy with a gigantic dick (apparently) bringing a woman off.

Lapdancing/strip club - book yourself a male stripper or go to one of the few make strip clubs/steady events.

Exchanging sexy pics - exchange some sexy pics of male fitness models with tight shorts.

Make sure they know about it - they tend not to sing so dumb then.

*done by men

Exchanging sexy pics - exchange some sexy pics of male fitness models with tight shorts.

A big poster of Chris Hemsworth with no shirt on, positioned above your bed, would probably do the trick too