DP accidentally forwarded me porn

[lockeddownlockedout]

DP and I don't live together. We've been together six years. This morning, first message of the day from him, I received a video from him that he'd accidentally forwarded to me.

It had two very slim attractive (naked) women in it. I'm feeling very fat and awful at the moment.

The video had been sent to him and he had intended to forward it to a group chat with his friends.

I watch porn myself but I just feel really annoyed/upset/grossed out by it.

AIBU?

Porn is porn, you watch it, sorry, no sympathy

I agree with this. If you watch porn, you can't complain about your DP enjoying porn, alone or sharing it with his friends so they can watch it.

I agree with this. If you watch porn, you can't complain about your DP enjoying porn, alone or sharing it with his friends so they can watch it.

I disagree with the basic principle that watching porn yourself means you can't have any opinion over the details of how your partner uses porn, but I suspect we're best to agree to disagree on that

The bit about sharing with friends is the key though, for me... let's face it, he won't have been sharing it like you might share a non-porn movie recommendation, if he's sharing it with a bunch of blokes it's then all about women as objects. Porn doesn't have to be like that, but unfortunately it often is. And this is where the discomfort comes in for OP, I think.

As with anything, no one has the right to tell someone how to feel about porn. It's up to the OP to decide and agree boundaries with her DP, IMO, if they can.

OP - your issues are really your insecurity, not porn, given that you are ok with both of you watching it.
Why don’t you use the lockdown to take eat a healthier diet and do some exercise. And to figure out why you feel insecure.

As to sharing pictures - women do that just as well. Which one if ya hasn’t seen the sexy images of the Spanish she Italian army men policing the lockdown, etc.
Women are just socialised a little differently, and are possibly a little less visual- and so the actual porn isn’t shared. But it doesn’t change the fact that we do.

Which one if ya hasn’t seen the sexy images of the Spanish she Italian army men policing the lockdown, etc.

I haven't!

Googling frantically ....

What sort of people are in the porn you watch? Not slim not attractive? Better or worse looking than your bloke?

Why do men foward porn to their friends?
??? I wouldn't be happy with that OP, huge turn off. Hope you're OK!

I'm feeling very fat and awful at the moment.

Does he look like (firebrand beat me to it) Chris Hemsworth?

He's been in a relationship for you for 6 yes, I'd presume he fancies and likes you.

As a poster said, get fitter/healthier for you, lots of YouTube videos. Feeling more attractive is a bonus.

Still think he's a bit sleazy, immature and off putting for sharing porny stuff with friends incidentally.

This is the second accidental porn share thread in two days - lockdown really is shining a light on some people's habits isn't it?

Absolutely. I used my DH’s phone yesterday and his camera roll was full of porn he’d been sent on WhatsApp for “laughs and banter.”

I called him a fucking perverted creep for partaking in the forwarding of it.

He was embarrassed by being labelled a creep, but denied his behaviour was shitty... until I screenshotted and forwarded the other “accidental porn” thread from Mumsnet, where many of the messages echoed my disgust and revealed to DH how disgusted and turned-off women are by this pathetic behaviour.

It’s so unattractive and I’ve lost a shit tonne of respect for him. Sex is off the cards for the next 4 years at least.

If you watch porn it’s hard to be annoyed.

Just because he watched a certain type of person in porn it doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive. I sometimes watch porn, they rarely have a similar body type to my boyfriend, but he is genuinely the hottest man in the world to me.

If you do lose weight or change your life style you should do it for you, not for him.

Know what I'm so going off men in general . Why is it us women have got to be ok with them using porn when deep down we are not ok with it just because we have been made to think ah it's ok it's just what 'men do' ! One of my biggest pet hates this is . You are not being unreasonable at all . I don't get why your up set by it if you watch open to because I hate the stuff so I don't watch it or allow it in my house . So my partner would be on his ass if I knew he was watching it . But I have told him this when we 1st met and we have been together 10 years. Why I'm so pissed off with this is because I was in a similar situation a few days back his disgusting immature friends has sent him disgusting videos . Porn on again a group what's app . I kicked him out . Long sorry so won't get in to it . Did he apologise for sending it to you ?

If it was just the porn I'd think you were unbelievably uptight .

However refusing to have sex with you and still using porn shows he's gone off wanting to touch you

Wouldn't bother me at all. You're probably over-sensitive to it because of how you feel about yourself at the moment.

Pick your battles and let it go.

Send some huge dick pics back and say oops sorry meant for a friend...

@WizardOfAus do you have a link to the other thread by any chance?

@SillyCow6 here you are:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3889247-Good-Girl

I had no idea sharing porn between mates on whatsapp was a thing.
How fucking old are these men?! 'Way-hay lads look here at these fitties might have a wank later ;)' seems to be the tone. Who would be attracted to such immaturity?
And that's without even giving my opinion on porn in general.

Sharing porn on WhatsApp seems to have reached peak levels during corona lock down. I can only put it down to boredom.

In the case of my DH, he is 33 years old.

I’m now going to screenshot all the pages in THIS thread and forward to him... just so he’s 100% crystal clear he’s a sad, creepy git.

You are a hypocrite, op

I am in the “if you watch porn, you don’t have a leg to stand on camp”

People who watch porn are not usually so ashamed of it that they never speak of porn and never share porn recommendations and clips with their friends. Men and women both. And I don’t agree that watching porn but not sharing porn avoids the objectification of women. It’s not the sharing that treats women as objects, it’s the watching of porn that does that all by itself.

Since OP and boyfriend both watch porn, they are both at peace with the objectification of women. Even porn made by women for women does not avoid this.

So to be against sharing porn on the basis that sharing objectifies women while watching does not is a piece of mental gymnastics.

Well you watch porn so.....

i appreciate my view is old-fashioned but he sounds like an arsehole.

Yeah I think some posters have kind of understood why it has bothered me. This isn't a private wank over something online. It's the gross "wheeyyy, lads, lads, lads" of it from someone who after six years I absolutely wouldn't have thought would actively share those kinds of videos with his friends for "banter" or whatever.

They are in their late thirties.

And for context, it's a video of two women bouncing on space hoppers with dildos attached and some very close up shots of their vulvas. It's fucking gross.

And I also respect those who think I'm a hypocrite, I can understand why. But it's not the usage of porn that's the problem, it's the context.

OP - you are changing what you said earlier. You very clearly said it bothered you because the women were skinny and you are currently not.
I get it that you’ll get more sympathy on here if you focus on the consensus of it being creepy for other reasons.
But - it won’t help you feel any better about yourself.
Sorry to be blunt.

I’d not be with someone who ever had those type of messages or even considered forwarding it. It’s Fuking gross

I don't think ops being a hypocrite.

There's a difference between using porn privately, and sharing, joking about, sleazing over it etc with other people.

The purpose of one is just arousal, sexual stimulation, fantasy, busy etc.

The purpose of the second is varied abd somewhat obscure but best stab is bonding with other people of the same sex by ridiculing, objectifyjng, degrading etc. The opposite sex, or at the very least attempting bond by titillating and providing masturbation fodder for people big the same sex. It's a weird dynamic and when it comes to hetero men .. whk seem to be by far the main protagonists of behaviour like this, there is a string element of toxic masculinity and degradation/objectification of women.

I always thought there was something verging on homoerotic about it - "look at this, this'll turn you on etc with the knowledge that the person may use it directly or indirectly sexual fantasy and masturbation. I always thought "one step further and you'll be wanking him off too".