Husbands affair at 26 weeks pregnant, advice needed

[FirstTimeMum1991]

Hi everyone, I actually posted on here back in February when I first discovered my husbands affair. I’ve re read it over the last few months because the advice was just what I needed & now I’m back again.
My husband told me his affair was over, the usual stuff they all seem to come out with: had made a mistake, would regret it for the rest of his life and make it up to me and his un born innocent daughter.
However last night he was caught red handed, with the same girl, in my parents home where he was supposed to be self isolating so he could come and be with me (I left my home city 5 weeks ago as I am vulnerable being pregnant and he was following on) it’s a long story, but I was alerted by an old friend she had seen him out shopping with this girl and luckily I have incredible friends who burst in on them in my parents bedroom...you couldn’t make it up.

Anyway, today he has called to tell me they are in love and are going to be together. A relationship based on lies, deceit and utter betrayal.
Am I just trying to make myself feel better by telling myself it won’t last?

The fall out from this has been monumental, his friends and family have contacted me and let me know I have their full support, as I have done since this all came out in Feb. He is truly alone now, although doesn’t see it yet & thinks friends & family are going to support them both.

I want him to have nothing to do with me or my daughter.
Even though I have my married name (I am looking to change it by deed poll), can I give my daughter my maiden name and do I have to put him on the birth certificate?

I’m sorry it’s such a long post but as I said, the advice & support I got last time was really heart warming, honest and helpful.

Thanks everyone xx

I would also put him on the BC but use your maiden name and obviously a first name of you choosing.

How are you holding up? Are you isolating with anyone?

What fantastic friends you have.

I think I’d wait and see re birth certificate. He’s moved out and is sleeping with the woman he cheated on the op with. Not sure that will leave him headspace to be a kind supportive father for the op as she prepares for a baby in the house or afterwards to the very demanding newborn. For mine absent or crap dads are better left off the birth certificate, to not be an obstruction to the one who is recovering from birth and actively parenting in the trenches of life with a newborn. He can earn his way onto it. I’d still introduce him and let him get to know baby at a reasonable pace if he was interested and make all reasonable attempts to ensure my child knew who he was.
As for name, hell would freeze over before this baby had anything but my maiden name the same as me (as soon as I’d changed it back anyway).

I've reverted to my maiden name twice now and I've never needed to change my name by deed poll. I just used my birth certificate plus marriage cert and divorce paperwork to prove who I used to be and who I now wished to be known as and that's always been enough for passport people and any other documentation. Until you are officially divorced your birth cert and marriage cert will be enough to prove who you are.

You hate your dh now,and thats fair enough.But dont deny your dd the piece of mind of who her dad is.

Also please get checked out for any diseases,some can harm the child.

I have looked it up and I 'believe' as you are married, he has to be on the Birth Certificate.

I would definitey get legal advice for clear clarification.

I personally don't blame you for not wanting him on it.

He's such a bastard, he probably won't want to bother with his DD anyway.

As others have said, yes your DD should know who her father is, but this doesn't mean to say he's got to be on her Birth Certificate.

You are much better off without him and the sun will shine again 💐.

I’m so sorry, but ultimately his family will stand by him no matter what they say now. Good luck to you

As a social worker, I would advise you to put your husband’s name on the birth certificate. It is your daughter’s right to have both her parents on it and he is your daughter’s father irrespective of what has happened. He does not have to earn that. If you don’t, he can quite easily apply to court to have it added and, with no doubt, it will be out on there. It is never looked upon favourably by judges if known parents are not added as it is suggestive of you ‘playing god’ with your daughter’s life. If he enters a residence battle with you at the same time, your lack of earlier cooperation may not go in your favour.
He absolutely is an arsehole for what he has done and by all means cut him out of your life and engage no further with him, but don’t rob your daughter of a relationship with her father.

Really feel for you. He should be ashamed of himself. When your daughter is old enough and learns this, I’m sure she will be appalled of her fathers actions. I would want to do the same in your position. Look forward to having a beautiful baby who will respect you as you only wanted to give her a family life. Sending love. X

@Sunshine1239

He can only register with the official document from the hospital which is provided after delivery

This isn't the case. You can register the birth without it.

I've done it myself.