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Original poster

Is it fair to ask him to pay this?

83 replies

ERL1 · 21/04/2020 20:06

So, after a long time coming, I'm going to ask my DP for a separation.

Not married, no kids, joint mortgage. I want to ask him to move back with his parents. We live about a 20 minute walk from my work, his parents live in the same town he works in, some 30 miles away.

At the moment, we have separate accounts that our wages are paid into, and we transfer money over to a joint account for household bills. He pays for Council Tax (£200), and food (£200 per month) so he transfers £400 to the joint acct each month. I pay for everything else- mortgage, gas, electric, life insurance, pet insurance, broadband etc etc. I transfer around £1,400 per month to cover this. Yes, up till now he's had it easy.

Since it will be me instigating the split, and asking him to move out of his own house, would it be fair to ask him to pay half of the joint bills? By this I mean mortgage, council tax, life insurance, pet insurance. I would not ask him to pay gas, electric, broadband, or food.

He would need to transfer roughly £500 a month. Bearing in mind he won't have transport costs anymore either since he won't have a commute at his mum's.

This would only be up till this pandemic is over, then we can sell the house. I can't afford to buy him out unfortunately.

Is this fair considering I'm asking him to move out of his home?

OP posts:
OhamIreally · 21/04/2020 20:11

No I don't think it is fair. He should have been paying his way before, certainly, but I don't think asking him to move out and continue to pay bills is fair. Legally if he's on the mortgage he is liable for half the mortgage but you might have to pay him rent for living in his share of the house.

Ohohohwhereyougoing · 21/04/2020 20:14

Wait. I do not understand this.

Why is he not paying half properly while he actually lives there if it's a joint mortgage? Why would he pay these things if he doesn't live there and you're asking him to leave? (He should be paying half already but i don't understand your thought process in why he isn't!?)

merryhouse · 21/04/2020 20:16

I think I'd be pretty pissed off if someone told me I had to leave but still carry on paying for council tax on the property and for the pets I've presumably had to leave behind.

Presumably you can get a council tax reduction if he moves out?

I'm a bit confused over describing the life insurance as a joint bill: wouldn't it make more sense to say "and obviously now we're split I won't be paying your life insurance"? Or is it actually a joint thing linked to the mortgage?

Windyatthebeach · 21/04/2020 20:18

Get him off the mortgage. Get a lodger.
Bin him off properly..

KylieKoKo · 21/04/2020 20:18

I don't think you can ask him to move out and pay more. If you separate you need to find a place you can afford on your own unfortunately.

Original poster
ERL1 · 21/04/2020 20:19

I've asked him continually over the years to make the bills fairer between us. He has refused. I'm the higher earner admittedly, but he still ends up with a lot more leftover money than me. Just one of the many reasons for this split.

You're right though, it probably isn't fair to make him pay for a house I'm asking him not to live in.

OP posts:
TitianaTitsling · 21/04/2020 20:20

And I don't think you can just 'get him off the mortgage'?

Original poster
ERL1 · 21/04/2020 20:20

@Windyatthebeach
How do I get him off the mortgage if I can't buy him out? Sorry, don't mean to sound naive. This is totally new to me.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 21/04/2020 20:23

You need to buy him out, that's the only way
If you can't, you need to get something written up to set out his financial interest in the property and what he will continue to pay or otherwise. Get legal advice.

cravingthelook · 21/04/2020 20:23

Why do you need to 'buy' him out if he's not been paying the mortgage?

TooTrueToBeGood · 21/04/2020 20:23

You've created a problem by letting him off so light up until now. By no stretch of any reasonable person's imagination is it fair that he would lose use and enjoyment of the property and yet pay significantly more than when he was actually living there.

Personally, I think before you discuss or agree anything you should really speak to a lawyer to clarify exactly what your rights and responsibilities are. Ultimately, it's the law that matters not what you, him or anyone else thinks is fair or not. You can't assume, especially in the current climate, that you will sell the house quickly or realise the value you might hope for and this could get very messy and expensive if you start making changes without checking the legal position first.

Original poster
ERL1 · 21/04/2020 20:24

I had planned on getting legal advice, and putting the house on the market as soon as I can after this pandemic/lockdown. It's just a question of what to do in the meantime.

OP posts:
Original poster
ERL1 · 21/04/2020 20:26

@cravingthelook because it's a joint mortgage. Surely he's still entitled to half the property regardless of who is actually paying the bill?

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 21/04/2020 20:28

No, it’s not fair. You can’t tell him he can’t live there yet still expect him to pay.

CodenameVillanelle · 21/04/2020 20:29

What he's entitled to depends on various factors. Legal advice. But in the meantime you'll have to pay it on your own

PicaK · 21/04/2020 20:30

He owns half the house. You can't demand he leaves any more than he can demand you leave.

Original poster
ERL1 · 21/04/2020 20:35

I'm not going to demand that he go anywhere. I'm going to ask him to. He has family to go to, I do not. The house is closer to my work. He can and probably will stay here, the atmosphere is going to be horrific though...

OP posts:
Candyfloss99 · 21/04/2020 20:40

Why on earth do you think he'd pay now when he never did before?

cravingthelook · 21/04/2020 20:41

You could probably have a call with a solicitor to get advise just now.

Original poster
ERL1 · 21/04/2020 20:44

Ok, new question. If I ask him to move out, and I take over 100% of the household expenses, can I ask him to leave his key so he can't come round whenever he wants? Otherwise I know he will be here when I'm out at work during the day.

If he decides he wants to move back in, of course he can have his key back, but if not....

OP posts:
Original poster
ERL1 · 21/04/2020 20:45

@cravingthelook
Really? I wasn't sure if they would just be taking emergency cases at the moment.

OP posts:
HedgehogHotel · 21/04/2020 20:45

Shame you've stayed with him as long as you have. What an arse, outright refusing to be fair at home.

mindutopia · 21/04/2020 20:45

I would get legal advice but can you get a lodger? I have a family member who has split with a long term partner (not married, no kids). Partner was living rent free elsewhere so continued to pay half the mortgage, as I think is reasonable. Family member got 2 lodgers (it’s a 3 bed) and now has enough to pay the mortgage and accrue some savings until they can sell.

Original poster
ERL1 · 21/04/2020 20:53

Even getting him to pay half the mortgage (£360 for his share) would be immensely helpful. I could probably afford to pay the rest on my own then until we can sell.

Must admit, it sticks in my craw the thought of him not paying the mortgage but still claiming 50% of the profits once we sell....

OP posts:
Tinyhumansurvivalist · 21/04/2020 20:54

Whilst ever he's on the mortgage he has right of access so no you can't ask him to leave a key.

How big a diffis there in your earnings for you to be paying£1400 and him onmy£400????

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