Is my bf lying to me about his ex gf? Gaslighting?

[Sofi31]

Hi guys, this happened before Coronavirus but it’s been playing in my mind since.

About 5 months into our relationship, there was a shared pic on his fb. His ex gf posted a pic of his front living room with a takeaway and bottle of wine, captioned Netflix and chill. Cringe, I know.

I asked him and he said, they do hang out and it was nothing. I remember speaking to him that evening, it was a bank holiday. He told me he was at home, having a bath and working on his portfolio.

He omitted his ex. I was upset, not because I was jealous. I’m okay with them being friends, but I want honesty. He said it’s awkward and his past gf didn’t like it. I asked him to be truthful in the future. He agreed.

Fast forward a few months. I was at the local Tesco and a mutual friend bumped into me. Asked how my bf and I are. She mentioned she saw my BF and his ex having lunch at the local fair a few days ago.

I remember that day, my BF told me he was home all day, poorly.

Again confronted him. He told me the truth and said they went to a fair, then lunch. He came home and was feeling ill the rest of the day.

So he wasn’t “lying”. And he didn’t mention his ex as there was nothing to tell.

I’m not insecure, I’m happy within myself but I hate liars. I’m still with him but thinking of ending it.

Stuff that. I'm usually quite laid back with this sort of thing, but no, the guys a first class asshole. Get rid

@baileys6904 ye, I am easy going. He had a life before me and if he is friends with an ex then that’s good. Shows maturity. But I don’t like the deceit or omitting information.

It's a lie of omission. He's not been honest with you despite being asked directly. Why hide it if there's nothing to hide? Sorry OP, I wouldn't be able to trust him

He's playing you for a fool. You can't trust him any further than you could throw him, and you know it. Stop wasting your time.

Netflix and chill means sex. A lot of people now use it wrongly but that's what it originally meant. Tbh even if she is using it wrongly I wouldn't be happy about their cosy night in with wine and takeaway, and DEFINITELY not about his lying. If it's so insignificant, why didn't he mention it? He most likely would have said if he was watching Netflix with his sister, because there's nothing to hide there.

Sorry OP

Oh I really wouldn't be happy with that OP....the lying by omission is a red flag I reckon

@cheeseislife8 exactly. He told me everything expect seeing his ex. And said, there was nothing to tell.

I think it’s too far gone, I will always have that doubt of seed in my mind and I don’t want any relationship like that. It’s a horrible feeling of anxiety.

He went into detail about his day - bath and portfolio work, but not takeaway and film with ex?. If it was a friend who wasn't an ex would he have mentioned it? Probably!

Netflix and chill is a euphemism for a sex hook up. Never heard it used for anything else.

He said he won't lie about it, then he did it again by 'omission'? But he said he'd been ill ALL day so yeap he lied.

If she's just a good friend ask to meet her. I'm presume that his gf who didn't like him being friends with his ex got sick of all the lies or worse rather than being unnecessarily jealous.

No meeting forthcoming then dump. Too many games from him to be worth continuing.

And he said she is just a friend, it’s not important to tell you. It means nothing. I did say, you omitted the story to suit what you wanted me to know. He said no, he just didn’t think About it. I’ve never experienced anything like this before.

@Thingsdogetbetter yes, I am not jealous, I am annoyed by his deceit. Does he think I’m dumb or a pushover that he can treat me as such.

I think I need to end it. This happened months ago.

Netflix and chill means sex! Get rid.

@KatnissK ye, I heard the expression. I have sometimes used it myself but there was no sex so I don’t want to just assume they were having sex. To be honest, the deceit is just as bad.

So he's in a relationship with you, but going on dates with her? Yeah, no.

This would be waaaaay over the line from me. I would walk away.

@anduinsGirl, yes, basically! And then telling me there is nothing for me to know, it’s just friends who hang out every now and then.

He said, me confronting him, sounded like I was jealous. And accusing him of cheating.

Haha!

Nah, sorry but I wouldn't be putting up with that. If there was really nothing more than friendship he would tell you that he was meeting her. The fact he didn't and then says 'oh it wasn't important for you to know about' speaks volumes.

But I'm not one of these 'cool' people who has no issue with people staying friends with an ex anyway.

So in other news, she’s still his girlfriend but now you are too. Fuck him off, what a prick.

You really shouldn't trust him, he's not even lying by omission, he's making it up in front of your face and you really should see it. "Home all day ill", is a contrast from " I went to a fair with my ex, had lunch, then felt ill after" . Basically his ex was saying on social media that she had sex with him at his house, she maybe stirring there ( why do you receive pists to an ex's social media?🤨Are you all in the same friendship group or has she deliberately ensured that you saw it?).
Causing trouble or not, your BF is letting her do it and is complicit and definitely lying about things, whilst also maybe loving the dram and attention of it - how old is he? He sounds very imature to be on an ego trip in this way. Too imature for a relay any rate, so you should cut your losses.

Drama, relationship 🙄

You know he's lied, whether they're actually having sex or not. I'd end it.

Ye, I’m generally okay with remaining friends with ex if circumstances are as such.

I have had happy healthy relationship. Never experienced lying or “cheating”. This has knocked me for 6. I feel anxious all the time. This isn’t me.

He's having his cake and eating it. I'd end it. Omitting the information is lying when he's told you everything but the fact he's with her, especially when he's lied about his whereabouts. Find someone who values you and gives you the respect you deserve.

First time he lies - maybe.

Second time he lies - no way.

I did say to him, if she is a friend then you’d mentioned her, like you do when you meet your other friends. He said, we just meet up briefly and there’s nothing to tell you, and even if he told me, he knows I wouldn’t like it anyway.

If that was case, and I didn’t like it. I’m his gf, he should thinking of my needs then.

Too complicated for me. He just wants me to never bring it up and pretend it isn’t happening.