Is he a 'bad' boyfriend? Am i heading for trouble?

[honeyy]

I have been seeing my bf for 1 year. The past few months, I have had health problems with my heart, and going in and out of hospital.

I was admitted into hospital last week, and treated. My bf said he was glad i'm feeling better. We don't live together so we cannot see each other due to covid-19.

One night, about 11pm, I took a turn for the worse and called for an ambulance. I was told I needed an emergency operation straight away.

I called my bf at midnight to let him know, but he didnt answer. I thought he must be asleep so decided to text him, however in that moment, my sister called. We spent 25 mins talking. I logged onto whatsapp, and my bf was online. I was just about to text him, but the nurse came to ask me some questions. This took about 15 mins.

I logged back onto whatsapp, and my bf was online. and he text me in that momeny. He said, he missed my call as he was playing games online and chatting to his friends on the phone, at the same time they were playing.

I messaged him and said I called because it was an emergency.

He replied, he didnt know I was calling for an emergency. I replied saying, something happened so needed to speak to him, rather than text.

He text, what happened, are you ok?

I said, I wasnt okay, and then he replied, so do you want me to call then?

I rang him and he answered I told him i was having an operation.

It is very out of character for me to ring him late night and he said, he knows that and just thought I was messing around and prank ringing him.

I had my operation and got one text the next day at 8pm, saying ''you ok?''

I dont even know how im supposed to feel?

@leolion81 True, You make some good points.

So, he text me and said, sorry missed your call, was gaming etc.

I said, I called because there was an emergency. He said, Oh didnt know, was having a chinwag with friends. And then said whats up, what happened?

I said, can you call me? He replied, what happened? you ok?

I said, No. He then said, do you want me to call? I said yes.

No call for over 20 mins so then I rang him and he did answer.

Dump him! You deserve more!

Tbh, that is so vague. I'd have reacted in exactly the same way as him.

I called because there was an emergency that could have been anything from the loo didn't flush properly to; there was a gas leak down the road and we all had to leave the house; to they couldn't open the pickled onions; to the cat ate my pate - you gave nothing away and nothing to convey whether it was a real emergency or a joke 'emergency'. My first thought wouldn't be, "oh god they've been rushed into hospital for emergency heart surgery" and. Tbh, if that had been my first thought, I'd have laughed about it afterwards because it's a ridiculous conclusion to draw without any other information.

Even when he asked if you were ok, you only responded, "no". You made him work for all of it. As a punishment for not answering the phone maybe?

If someone was giving me that little to work with, I'd probably not think it was a serious emergency and finish what I was doing before I got back to them.

The last time I texted my son to say there was an emergency, he replied and asked what I'd eaten and if he needed to go to the supermarket on the way back!

@Whaddyathinkofthis my bf and I speak sparsely on the phone due to different shifts at work.

Our banter and light hearted is usually texting.

Our serious chats are always discussed on the phone or person. We never text over serious things.

I’ve been ill the past few weeks, I have a serious heart condition. And when you’re feeling like death, you really cannot be bothered answering texts which to be honest would have carried on forever with him.

I just think that 'can you call. I'm in hospital'. Might have elicited a totally different response. That's all. And is only 2 words longer than the message you did send.

I know, maybe so, maybe not.

So you havent heard from him at all since?

@Whaddyathinkofthis he text me the next day, in the evening around 8pm. I had the operation in the middle of night.

I replied back, saying everything was okay. And nothing since. He didn’t call or text me again.

We usually text every day, a couple of texts through the day.

I didn't mean to sound harsh but my marriage was an absolute chore because my husband gave vague information about things and I had to draw everything out of him. He was also very focused on how I responded to things, on what time frame and the exact words i used. It might be that I'm more sensitive to that now than other people would be but I much prefer people to give me something rather than being expected to know exactly how to respond and when with little to go on.

If you're clear with people it makes it far easier for them to respond in a way that is useful to you.

So you haven't spoken to him since last week?

I think that's far more revealing about him than how he responded or not at the time, tbh

I suppose it depends on when during last week it was.

Monday - poor show.
Friday - less so.

But not great either way.

@Whaddyathinkofthis you were not harsh, your advice was great. And I understand.

No, nothing. And I didn’t text either. To be fair, I have been sleeping mostly and watching box sets.

He is working from home. I know, it is the actions after.

Would you feel comfortable texting him? After all, a year long relationship warrants a 'proper' ending if nothing else. If that's what you decide.

It might just be that he's waiting to hear from you.

Would be a bit emotionally illiterate of him , if so! But not necessarily a reflection of his feelings.

Your expectations and priorities are clearly different. If you look back you may find other instances of this mismatch but this has brought it to the fore. Sounds as if he has lost interest tbh and probably to your advantage. You now have the opportunity to find someone who really cares abut you.

@Whaddyathinkofthis ye, I would text him, I always check on him during covid19, despite his behaviour because I’m just that sort of person

I’m sure he is fine, and healthy though.

Are you going to text him then?

Just as a bit of feedback and not a criticism, you have answered very few of my questions directly. You've responded to them but not with the information that actually answers the question. It's really not a criticism but it may be worth reflecting on your own communication style too.

Feel like a bitch saying that - esp as you're clearly under the weather but it might given an insight into why he responded in the way he did.

@LIZS I think you’re right. Something you said just triggered a memory, the past month.

He will text me and start a conversation. Text me and then suddenly just stop. Mid conversation.

But constantly be online, all day, I know because I would text him again or send him my timesheets and Worksheets for classes, it would show his times.

I’m not an insecure person, it’s just annoying.

@Whaddyathinkofthis yes, I will text him. I have to give him timesheets anyway 😭😭

@Whaddyathinkofthis oooh, il work on answering questions better. Thanks for the feedback! It’s always welcome 😊😊😊

It was after when I told him there was an emergency and he still failed to ring me back and was continuing to text me in 10/15 mins intervals

I bet you were terrified and the stupid prick is sat there playing FIFA.

And then he said, I was over reacting and being a diva

What in the actual fuck??

Personally I would reconsider the relationship after this

Even if I couldn't see the person I would be straight on the phone after being told that.

Good luck. What ever you want and whichever way it goes

Oh and that disappearing mid conversation isnt a good sign either.

Although, I do think that is sometimes open to interpretation.

One person might be sitting down a cup of tea and think it's a conversation, the other might be in the middle of doing half a dozen things and think it's an exchange that can be picked up later.

It's why i hate messaging!!

One person might be sitting down a cup of tea and think it's a conversation, the other might be in the middle of doing half a dozen things and think it's an exchange that can be picked up later.

I've been both people in this scenario.

It's hurtful when you think someone has just disappeared but feels unimportant if you're busy!

Boyfriend not husband or fiancé. I wouldn't even have let him know where I was. Take a step back. You sound too nice and like you chase him. Stopped texting him and he'll start calling or he won't, in which case you can cut the gangrenous limb.

Yeh stop botherin and see what happens