How much does food/diet matter to you in a relationship?

[Jess2824]

I’m a vegan and try to eat as healthily as I can. I would happily date a meat eater (although I wouldn’t like it if someone was constantly eating steak, bacon, sausages etc as I really think I’d find it difficult to live with someone constantly cooking meat) but I really don’t think I could date a man who eats junk permanently without regard to health. My last relationship ended because my boyfriend drank about a litre of coke each day, had pizza every day for dinner, and bacon every morning. He would always snack on pot noodles, sweets and multipacks of biscuits and would never eat vegetables or fruit and would turn his nose up at the healthy things I made. My mum said I was shallow for letting this put me off but does anyone agree with me that diet can be a real source of contention? And I’m NOT one of these “o look at me I’m a vegan” types

I wouldn't date a vegan because I'm carnivore. I eat steak twice a day.

Yes it’s important to me, sharing food that I love is a big part of a relationship. I’m easy going on most other things though, but you can’t help what you find attractive in someone

Yuck that would really put me off as well. I'm super healthy but not vegan. Ofc it's important op, and not trivial as your Mum suggests. Health / chosen diet is an indicator of someone's lifestyle and values, in the same way that their politics or their religion might matter to many people. Sometimes it's important that a person feels aligned with their partner on such issues, as well as just generally compatible with likes & dislikes.

A lot. I can’t bear a fussy eater.

OP, I get where you're coming from. I think it's just about shared values. I'd struggle with a junk food addict for sure, because that's really not me. I think it's rare that you find someone who you're totally opposite to on only one thing, like if your approach to food is massively different there are likely to be other things that are different too, and that's where the incompatibility really comes in.

I couldn't bear being in a relationship with a fussy eater, or someone who has a restrictive diet, like a vegan. I enjoy cooking together and eating together so I couldn't be in a relationship with someone whose first thought about what's for dinner is to phone a takeaway or throw a ready meal in a microwave.

As long as we can converge and eat a main meal of the day together, go out to dinner and easily choose a restaurant we both like then I’m not particularly bothered whether DP drinks soft drinks during the day or what he eats for lunch whilst I’m not around. I know he’s not a particularly healthy eater, but he does exercise a lot and look after himself that way: maybe I’d feel differently if he were slobby or overweight with it.

Would really struggle with being in a relationship with a food snob. A former friend would turn her nose up at all but a handful of restaurants, wouldn’t drink coffee from all but a few coffee shops which met her standards, would refuse to eat a meal cooked by a friend if it didn’t use the “right” ingredients and method etc and it was maddening.

That’s the thing me and him never cooked together. I’d make lovely meals from scratch all the time and he’d not eat it but would rather have had a microwave meal. I don’t get the attitude of not caring about the food you eat or trying to nourish yourself with food - of course I eat ‘junk’ food sometimes too but it’s certainly not my whole diet

A lot. I'm a 70/30 person. 70% of the time I'm healthy, 30% I'm really not. I love fatty foods and enjoying myself. I'm very active and a size 8 - 10 at 5ft6inch so not overweight or anything. My fiance is the same. I need someone who will happily sit and eat a large domino's pizza to themselves alongside me on a friday night but happily pootle off to the gym Saturday morning. My friends married to a teetotle diet and fitness fanatic I could not deal with that. I bloody love getting schozzled on cocktails and speed eating lays by the pool on holiday and someone who only eats grilled chicken, veg and avocados and doesnt drink would bore me stupid.

Yes I think someone at either end of the spectrum would be tedious. I like varied foods, whole grains and vegetables but I’m also partial to a burger or a pudding. If you’re the sort of person who doesn’t eat any vegetables or won’t eat “ foreign” food then I would find that as off putting as a paleo eater for an obsessive “ clean” eater. It’s all qualifies as a degree of disfunction around food. Actually I think veganism is a sensible choice ( I probably don’t have the will power) so I’m not really including them in that group.

I also don’t drink 😂 maybe I’m putting people off

You just need to find the right person OP. Lifestyle compatibility is important in a relationship.

I agree if you live with someone it is best to have a fairly similar approach to food and diet ... my DH and I eat similarly, each of us have the odd habit that is probably unhealthy/junkiest but overall we eat the same type of foods.

I do think it is off putting if someone has totally opposite ideas about food ... years ago someone took me on a date to a very upmarket fish restaurant (I really don’t like fish ... except fish and chips ) without asking me first ... it was not a success, he could hardly hide his disdain when I asked for battered cod ... to be fair, the restaurant did cook it for me. There was no second date.

Someone scoffing unhealthy snacks all the time would put me off... but so would someone who only ate quinoa and an extreme healthy diet.

I could not date a vegan. I like my food too much to be restricted by my other half. We would be incompatible.

No offence to fussy eaters or strict health enthusiasts or vegans, but I don't think I could be with one.

I love food drink and restaurants, and most of our holidays revolve around them - seeking out local cuisine, lots of seafood, wine tasting, going to interest restaurants.

I once went on holiday with a group including a vegan and it was a nightmare. We could hardly find anywhere she would eat.

A lot. I'm a keen cook and love food and entertaining, I enjoy cooking lovely meals for us and our friends and family. I really wouldn't like being with a very fussy eater, my friends husband has a list of things he won't eat a mile long and it's just so restricting. I wouldn't be over the moon if dp decided to be vegan tbh! He would have to start cooking his own food and I wouldn't accept not being allowed meat in the house/not cooking meat/eating get meat in front of him very readily either.

As long as he eats whatever I cook ... I think it does matter as sharing meals is a big part of a life together. I cook mostly (and I'm very territorial in the kitchen) so I'm glad dp likes my food, he seems rather happy

I love cooking and baking. I have a vegan mate and enjoy testing myself with new recipes. I've been veggie 40 years so had to get good at cooking, until recently veggie options for eating out were shite. I love my gf and consequently love making her delicious food. It's an expression of love in my book. Wouldn't be attracted to someone who didn't look after themself, which eating shit suggests is the case

I once dated a man who would only eat lentils and beans. Genuinely every single meal was some variation on daal or 'bean stew'. Now I love daal but, every bloody meal?

He wasn't vegetarian or vegan, wasn't allergic to anything, just wasn't the slightest bit interested in eating anything except bloody lentils. It was so, so dull and restrictive.

I used to review restaurants for a living. I will eat pretty much anything. I love cooking and going out to eat, trying new foods, new recipes etc.

Our relationship didn't last

@maudbaileysgreenturban yes I would find that very odd, like those articles you read about people who only eat chicken nuggets for years and then wonder why they have health issues. I plan my days around the nice food I’m going to eat!!

Normally it doesn't matter to me but I did break up with one guy because he was piling in the food. He had a personal trainer who basically set a calorie limit for Mon - Fri and said he could relax at a weekend. To me, that means have a beer on top or a bit of cake. He took it to mean have a fry up breakfast at his daily calorie limit, plus large lunch and dinner and 4-8 pints both days and then wondered why he wasn't losing weight . I'd have been less bothered if he wasn't wanting to lose weight

I think you need to have compatible food attitudes otherwise you're just storing up all kinds of conflict. Food is so central to survival, pleasure and health that someone who grates isn't going to last long.

I love food. And I'm a fattie I think I'd find it hard to be around someone who's really super controlled around food, although that would probably be better for me. I'd love to be cooked for OP, and would have been delighted with your vegan offerings! My vegan mother's red Thai curry is the food of Gods.

It matters hugely to me. I could not be with someone who had any form of restrictive diet - fussiness, veganism, gluten free- anything. I know that sounds so awful but it's true. I live for food and love to cook and to have a partner that didn't share that love would be joyless for me. The single best thing about lockdown is that I get to cook three meals a day and sometimes extra cake/ bread etc and me and my partner both love it and share it.

@Waitingforadulthood totally get that feeling but I think I actually have it too! For me veganism isn’t at all restrictive, as I don’t look at meat or dairy as things I am resisting at all, they are just things that do not occur to me to want to eat. I love cooking and eating too and going out for lovely meals.