How much does food/diet matter to you in a relationship?

[Jess2824]

I’m a vegan and try to eat as healthily as I can. I would happily date a meat eater (although I wouldn’t like it if someone was constantly eating steak, bacon, sausages etc as I really think I’d find it difficult to live with someone constantly cooking meat) but I really don’t think I could date a man who eats junk permanently without regard to health. My last relationship ended because my boyfriend drank about a litre of coke each day, had pizza every day for dinner, and bacon every morning. He would always snack on pot noodles, sweets and multipacks of biscuits and would never eat vegetables or fruit and would turn his nose up at the healthy things I made. My mum said I was shallow for letting this put me off but does anyone agree with me that diet can be a real source of contention? And I’m NOT one of these “o look at me I’m a vegan” types

I think you can have different diets and make it work if you respect each other.
I find it difficult to understand someone who would only eat a lot of junk food ALL the time.
I don't get it. So prob wouldn't date someone like that as that is a bit different to one of you eating meat and the other not. I would see that as disrespecting your body (I mean like EVERY day junk food) and would find it hard to respect that choice.

My husband turned vegetarian once we've been together for 5 years and after we had two kids. This was over ten years ago now. I respect that it is his body and his choice but it is difficult. We are working around it the best way we can but it takes effort. If I were to date someone new I wouldn't date a vegetarian/vegan or a fussy eater.

So many people on here seem to conflate ‘vegan’ with ‘boring, restrictive, dull’ - I think you’d really be surprised if you tried some of the ‘alternatives’ how good they are

I respectfully disagree. 2-3 vegetarian days a week is manageable but any more than that and it does become boring, restrictive and dull for meat eaters. I am aware of the alternatives and my husband is a great cook. I can manage on vegetarian food, particularly if it's only some of the time, but I do not enjoy it as much as meat and fish.

@Jess2824
I once tricked a meat eating friend who didn’t realise they weren’t meat, she said they were delicious
I do think that couples need to have a broadly compatible diet, however if someone tricked me into eating food that wasn't what they told me. I'd never speak to them again, after telling them to fuck right off. I could never trust them ever. Not just around food, I wouldn't want a lying cheat in my life.

It's interesting how some attach moral superiority to being vegan/vegetarian/a clean eater as if a love of pizza makes you a lower being.

I find such people quite unpleasant.

Mm, difficult. DW and I went into marriage knowing that she had two obstacles to food: hypersensitive gag reflex and a really bland palate. That meant very few whole vegetables apart from potatoes, carrots and peas. No salads or anything that she hadn't eaten up to the age of 18. Her first korma at 29 turned her bright red and sweating. We managed, but sometimes it grates.

@Jess2824 is it unusual being a vegan where you live? It isn't really that unusual where I live and there are lots of vegan options in restaurants and cafes. I don't think it would be an issue for lots of people even if not vegan themselves.

I’d find it difficult to live with someone who eats for health rather than enjoyment, especially if they then also feel morally superior doing so

I couldn't have a successful relationship with someone that ate junk to the point they were very unfit, purely because I prefer an active lifestyle. And anyone with an ott health food obsession would drive me insane. I also doubt I'd be happy with a vegan. I'm from a farming background and prefer to eat locally produced as much as possible, so we'd clash from different opinions as well as diet.

I'm a carnivore and once dated a vegetarian.
He literally survived on cream cakes and pizza. He was quite an intelligent guy and I could never understand how he was so short-sighted about his diet.
Had the relationship lasted, I know it would have been a contentious subject.
I've got other vegetarian friends and they all have very healthy diets.

Jess- I agree that people wrongly conflate vegan with boring, i agree that indeed it's not- I do veganuary every year and eat vegan or vegetarian often ( but do the full veganuary thing in July because that's when we have veg abundance here , January would mean a lot of dried goods!)
But whilst it's not boring- it IS restrictive- it rules out what most people consider two major food groups- meat and dairy. It impacts upon all courses and snacks for those of us who eat meat and dairy as standard- so it IS restrictive, even if it can be delicious

I eat meat occasionally and don't like spicy food. DH is vegan and loves a good curry. About 3 nights each week we'll eat the same, but the rest of the time we eat different things. I think the only food thing that would put me off someone was if they ate a lot of fish and seafood.

But to be fair OP, people that love actual meat like steak, a nice roast joint, seafood, fish (not reconstituted nuggets etc) and wine, would indeed find your diet very restrictive. They are often what the meal is based around.

It doesn't feel restrictive to you because you don't want to eat those things. For many they're the centrepiece of the meal.

My question was not meant to be so much about veganism vs meeting eating but healthy(ish) vs junk food obsessed. Would it put you off a man if all he ever ate was junk?

I'm vegan and my DH is veggie. He ate meat when we met (we were only 18) but stopped after a year when be realised that he wasn't missing out on anything when I cooked for him. Now 13 years on I know I couldn't have a serious relationship with someone who ate meat - the smell of it makes me feel sick and I do feel differently about people who eat meat.

I also couldn't be with a body builder, or someone who didn't like spicy food. A meat and two veg kind of person says more to me about them than just what they like to eat (and I'm sure they will have opinions on me as a vegan too!)

I think it's easy enough to date anyone, but food is important when you're making a life together and thinking about children etc. Our DD is vegan and I'd find it hard if I was with someone who insisted on forcing her to eat meat.

I’d find it hard to have any respect or desire for anyone who treated their body like a dustbin, whether by eating junk food, smoking, taking drugs or binge drinking.

It matters to me.
Food is a hobby to me. I love cooking, going out to eat, baking etc.
I couldn’t deal with someone super fussy or someone who won’t eat a vegetable. I like to generally eat healthily (and my MH struggles otherwise) but also partial to the odd pizza and snack fest.

Luckily me and partner have very similar views and even luckier for me, for the first time in my life, I’m with someone who is a better cook than me.

It’s really very important to me to be honest.

I feel like most people are missing the point of your post, OP, and turning it into a chance to bash veganism (which is in no way restrictive whatsoever unless you cant think of anything to eat other than meat).For what it's worth I have a friend who was a massive meat eater and says since he went vegan he eats everything he ate before but vegan versions and that he eats a bigger and more delicious variety of food than he did when eating meat. And that meat doesn't really taste of much, it's the flavourings that made it nice.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I also think people are missing the point when talking about how 2 people liking different foods is an issue eg when cooking or eating out. Eg vegan vs meat eater.
But I think what you're saying is that what someone eats says a lot about them and that someone who chooses to eat nothing but junk has certain qualities??
Eg it's not what he's eating, more what's behind that. Much like someone who is against homophobia dating someone who calls stuff "gay" or whatever without even considering it. Or someone that tries to recycle but dates someone who just throws everything in the same bin without considering it. Like this kind of thing that jars.
Personally it would put me off someone if they just ate the same meat and 2 veg, repetitive meals or junk all the time as I would see that as restrictive in itself, and I like to eat a wide range of foods, try new things, eat out, enjoy cooking, have a balanced diet etc

A lot! Can’t cope with a fussy eater or someone who lives off take-always or pot noodles. Could not date a Vegan even though I enjoy some plant based meals or vegan restaurants from time to time. I think it’s best I save them the hassle of dating ME to be fair

I agree that it’s about finding someone with a compatible lifestyle and attitude, and food is a big part of that.

Like many on the thread, I wouldn’t date a vegan or vegetarian. I have plenty of friends who are vegan or vegetarian and I was vegetarian for my teenage years myself (mostly to avoid my mother’s cooking, which is not good). I don’t want to be vegetarian, and I don’t want my day-to-day dietary choices limited by someone else’s restricted diet (whether or not they think their diet is restricted). The relationship just wouldn’t work.

Both DH and I have children with coeliac disease (in a weird coincidence). This is a pain in various ways, but we actually find that it helps that it’s something that neither of us can avoid dealing with. It would be easy to become quite resentful as you wander round on holiday looking for a restaurant and find that you can hardly go anywhere because of the other person’s child (it can be really limiting). We’ve both got similarly awkward children so we just have to accept it. But I can totally appreciate how limiting and irritating it would feel for someone who doesn’t have to live with that dietary restriction to try to put up with that. I wouldn’t blame someone who decided they weren’t up for that. It’s be like condemning yourself to a lifetime of eating with that irritating colleague who vetoes all the restaurant choices because of their fussy eating, so you all end up in Wetherspoons every time because they can get sausage, chips and beans.

Hugely important! Eating together is probably our main thing! I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t enjoy the same sorts of food.

I would not date a veggie or vegan and i was vegan.
My dream would a teetotal foodie who only eats seafood and chicken in terms of meat. I think with your ex its the associated things like not appreciating the food you make, the lack of interest in fresh good food, the laziness and immaturity associated with pot noodles and microwave meals.

I think that diets change, if he was perfect in everything else then yes its shallow but it doesnt sound like his diet was literally the only thing.

turning it into a chance to bash veganism (which is in no way restrictive whatsoever unless you cant think of anything to eat other than meat)

Oh, come on. It’s obviously restrictive because you are designating whole categories of food as off limits. Just because there is a big variety of food still available and you are personally happy with that as the choice available to you, does not change the fact that it’s a restrictive diet.

It just is much more restricted than a standard omnivorous diet.

It’s not about the veganism. People who won’t eat vegetables (except baked beans) also have frustratingly restricted diets. And there are an alarming number of adults who seem to fall into this group.

If he just ate junk but respected my diet then i would not dump him over it. However i might get fatter with him. If he has gpod oral hygiene thatd be fine as id hate bacon breath.

I once dated someone who used to be VERY large, 35 stone. He had done amazingly and lost a lot of weight to about 18 stone.
However, although he ate obsessively well during the week, at the weekends he used to eat SO much, I mean one weekend he had a large dominoes, two sides, dessert AND a whole tub of Ben and Jerry’s and then the next day ordered a curry which came in a box because the order was so big 😂
Honestly I couldn’t deal with it so had to end it.

I’m now married and my husband is a meat eater and I’m a lifelong veggie, my son eats both.
We eat together as a family three times a week, usually veggie or sometimes I’ll have veggie sausages and they’ll have meat but we’ll all have sausages and mash
It doesn’t bother me that he eats meat but if he never ate stuff I cooked so we couldn’t eat together I don’t know how it would work!