How much does food/diet matter to you in a relationship?

[Jess2824]

I’m a vegan and try to eat as healthily as I can. I would happily date a meat eater (although I wouldn’t like it if someone was constantly eating steak, bacon, sausages etc as I really think I’d find it difficult to live with someone constantly cooking meat) but I really don’t think I could date a man who eats junk permanently without regard to health. My last relationship ended because my boyfriend drank about a litre of coke each day, had pizza every day for dinner, and bacon every morning. He would always snack on pot noodles, sweets and multipacks of biscuits and would never eat vegetables or fruit and would turn his nose up at the healthy things I made. My mum said I was shallow for letting this put me off but does anyone agree with me that diet can be a real source of contention? And I’m NOT one of these “o look at me I’m a vegan” types

I used to be a very fussy eater when i met himself, it used to drive hime wrong. I blame my mother, she was a terrible cook and if there was something you couldnt eat or wouldnt eat she would just throw on a pizza or soemthing. My parents also used to force feed us and make us sit at the dinner table for hours if we wouldnt eat our dinner. The smell of roast beef still makes me repulsive nearly 30 years later. Cant bear it. I am lucky that that he is a very good cook and has slowely changed my attitude to food around, introdcued me to nice resturaaunts etc. So am a lot better than i was( now eat Peas:) However we have recently discovered that he is allergic to egg wheat and dairy so now his diet is very restrictive. It makes going out to eat very hard, yes its nearly vegan diet, however he finds vegan food very bland and not as tasty. We also have to spend ages looking at resturaunt menus before we book them. Its very frustrating sometimes and he gets annoyed too aswell. He doesnt drink but i am ok with that, always have a taxi home :) We eat some junk sometimes aswell, so we have a balanced diet. His diet doesnt stop us going out though nor holidays etc. Nor if we are invited to restsuaraunts we wont say no to it even if it looks like they dont have options for him, we find taht when we ring ahead or get there they are normally very accomdating for his needs. I have a fried of mine, its just her and her sister left in her family , My frind is married and her sister is not, they cant have turkey at xmas as her sister comes for dinner and she is a vegetatarian, she also dictates where they go out for dinnners etc. This to me is wrong, you can have you own choices in food however dnt force tem or dictate other people lives beacuse of what you eat . I could personally not date anyone that was a vegan or a very restrictive diet ( i have seen how it is wih my partner) if it was my life all over again. i dont eat a lot of red meat however i eat poultry and fish alot. We wold both need to be on the same terms food wise

Massively I important

I love food. Thinking about it, planning meals, cooking, presentation, eating. Luckily so does my partner. We spend many pleasurable hours talking about food, watching cookery programmes, planning our meals. Love eating out. It's a huge part of our relationship.

We both love cooking, will eat veggie meals and meat/fish. We eat very well.

I personally would struggle to be with someone who didn't enjoy that aspect of a relationship.

My husband recently confessed to me that when we first met he did wonder if there was any future in our relationship because I was an excruciatingly fussy eater, and not in a good way. Vegetables were just one food group on an extensive list of things I wouldn't touch, although could just about stomach tomato purée on a pizza. By contrast, he is a human dustbin and will eat virtually anything that is put in front of him without complaint.

I'm happy to say that after several years together with him introducing me to new foods, I'm not a fussy eater any more.

Interested to know why people say they wouldn’t date someone who was teetotal? Surely if alcohol is that important to someone that they couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who didn’t drink that says more about them than the teetotaller? Assuming they weren’t teetotal on moralistic grounds and judgemental of the other person’s drinking/refused to have alcohol in the house for instance?

For the record I don’t drink. I have never liked the taste and it has never bothered me, but what others want to do is their own business. My eXH liked a glass of wine with dinner and my DP likes the occasional beer. I don’t have a problem with that. And more recently I have started taking certain medication which is contra-indicated with alcohol so even if I did drink I would no longer be able to. Would that make me a non starter in the relationship steaks?

If anything people who do drink have always annoyed me saying “oh you should try this; this drink is just like soft drink have a drink of that,” and the one classic “I’d love to spike your drink one day to see what you’re like drunk.” .

But I love cooking. I even have my own cookery podcast. I love going to restaurants and cooking fancy meals from scratch. And I do cook with wine as it happens.

My DP doesn’t cook but I do so that doesn’t bother me. Means he’s not a backseat cook and doesn’t interfere in my kitchen.

But if he wanted to eat junk, as long as he ate meals with me when he was here it wouldn’t bother me. He’s free to do what he wants on his own time. If he wants to live on takeaway and pot noodle while in his own house then crack on. I might voice an opinion on it and I wouldn’t cater for it in my own house, in fact I’ve never had a pot noodle in my life.

Similarly if he was vegan. If he’d wanted to be vegan then that would be fine as long as he did his own shopping and cooking to cater for himself. I wouldn’t cater for a vegan or make any change to my cooking because of his lifestyle choices.

As long as that’s perfectly well understood then I don’t see the problem.

I dont care what people chose to eat, it is their body. I HATE people who eat with their mouth open, talk whilst eating or chew noisily - that is a deal breaker.

I don’t think I would be attracted to anyone who had any extreme type of diet. I can’t imagine being attracted to a vegan for example. I would imagine they are (maybe unfairly) very high maintenance and sanctimonious.

But I also couldn’t date someone who had no self-control and ate crap all day. Being so uncaring about their health would probably point to other damaging ambivalence traits in their personality and I’d find it slobbish and gross.

I wouldn’t choose to date someone who never drank. I don’t have any issues with alcohol addiction, but I do like to be able to share the occasional bottle of wine with my partner and things like that.

So it’s just about compatible lifestyles not anything else. I wouldn’t have a relationship with a smoker (and would end a relationship if someone took it up). I also wouldn’t have a relationship with a triathlete who spent most of their time training (I know several people like this). It’s not a judgement on their lifestyle choices, or even thinking that there’s anything wrong with triathlon at all. It just wouldn’t work for me.

In relation to drinking, I do know that a relationship where I never get to share a glass or two of wine with my partner doesn’t work for me. My ex barely drank (with me). He was also a judgemental dick about me having a glass of wine etc, and stingy in general. All meals out would be accompanied by tap water. I remember once we went to a really fancy restaurant for my birthday (he booked a Tuesday night cancellation at the last minute because his mother was disgusted in how little effort he’d put in to my birthday). He drank only tap water (and ordered the vegetarian version of the tasting menu, despite not being vegetarian - then complained it wasn’t as good as the standard menu I had 🙄). I had one glass of wine with the meal and felt awkward about it. It definitely dampened the event.

Now, obviously, most people who don’t drink are not the controlling misery that he is. But, regardless, I learned that I value being able to drink (in moderation generally) with my partner. So I would be put off by a tee-totaller.

If anything people who do drink have always annoyed me saying “oh you should try this; this drink is just like soft drink have a drink of that,” and the one classic “I’d love to spike your drink one day to see what you’re like drunk.” shock.

Not all people who drink are like this though. Just the annoying ones. I can’t imagine you’d want to be in a relationship with one of them. 😁

Normal people don’t say ‘oh I’d love to spike your drink’ to anyone, ever.

I like food and cooking and I wouldn’t want a man that couldn’t be arsed to cook. Luckily the man I married loves food and cooking as much of me.

I mean I couldn’t get turned on by someone gorging on pizza, sweets and crisps every day. It just wouldn’t make we wet 🤷🏻‍♀️

I also wouldn’t want a health nut that couldn’t talk about anything other than calories and health.

DH is just the right balance doesn’t eat crap all the time but isn’t one of them health nuts that talks of nothing else. He does cycle, gym and eat good food but doesn’t bang on about it.

You can not date someone for whatever reason you like!

A good connection is a huge part of a relationship.

When my husband asked me out first time, 30 years ago, he asked that I choose whatever restaurant.

I brought him to an ethnic restaurant that he'd never tried before with a range of different spices. We also drank a specific cocktail.

He adored every bit of it.
The restaurant became a real favourite of ours.

Do I think if he'd gone "meh"..regarding the food and spices, that it would have affected my opinion...yea it would have.

I love my food and eating out and cooking was a huge part of it.

Being married to a plain, fussy eater is tedious.

My close friend is. Her husband is so lovely but its like feeding a toddler, the food has to be so plain.

Dull and tedious.
She's a truly fantastic cook and baker...wasted on him!

Oh, come on. It’s obviously restrictive because you are designating whole categories of food as off limits. Just because there is a big variety of food still available and you are personally happy with that as the choice available to you, does not change the fact that it’s a restrictive diet.It just is much more restricted than a standard omnivorous diet
Okay yeah I get what you're saying, I just suppose the word restrictive seems like the wrong word, like people who dont drink wouldn't see it as restrictive, as it's completely normal for them, but someone who loves a drink would, if that makes sense? So it depends on the person? Like someone who wants to run for health everyday would value it as necessary whereas someone who doesn't prioritise exercise would view a daily run as restrictive to their day or something?

I would say though that the reason most vegans (not necessarily plant based people) choose to restrict/cut out/not eat animal products is usually because they have thought about and have strong feelings about the morals/values behind food choices eg not contributing to environmental destruction, animal abuse, poor health eg heart disease, cancer, meat industry's contribution to pandemics etc whereas someone who chooses pot noodles, big macs etc probably doesn't think about or isnt bothered about those things? So not really about restriction of either person in a relationship cause of what they eat, rather more incompatible values/viewpoints, not saying either person would be anything other than perfectly nice people :)
On someone saying vegans and veggies being viewed as morally superior being unpleasant, whats unpleasant about it when they are just trying to do something good for everyone's sake. I drive an old diesel car and use a load of plastic as I get food from supermarkets for convenience that tends to be wrapped in it, I'm not a terrible person, I do a lot of good things, but I would say yeah someone who makes choices and more effort to do less of those harmful things is better than me in that respect. It's not like everyone is aware of or thinks about this stuff. Not everyone who eats meat is a terrible person, no one is saying that by choosing to not do something.
People choose their own values and what's important to them, I think if your partner is too far away from where you sit on that spectrum then it can cause issues.
Its restrictive to have a small child cause eg they're not gonna have a jalfrezi with you so you make adjustments. But when it's an adult its different- like if one partner was sporty and the other one was really inactive, you've gotta have a lot of common ground for that to work no matter how lovely each partner is. Its really hard when you like someone but they are miles away from you on things that are important to you whether that's gaming or politics or whatever.
Hope you find a way through OP

Someone being a fussy eater would be a big turn off for me!

For me, a big turn off would be someone who has zero interest in food--it is just something to fill the stomach, and that's all. No interest in trying new restaurants, etc. There are people like that. Also, people who refuse to eat anything that they didn't eat in childhood or that their mother didn't make.

It's very important to me. Good eating and drinking is an essential part of life for me. We don't have exactly the same tastes of course, but we share a similar outlook and many preferences.

I enjoy eating meat as part of a good quality varied diet, and it would be harder to have a successful relationship with a vegan, vegetarian or somebody who just ate junk and didn't value good quality. I'd find it hard with somebody who didn't enjoy an evening G&T, or glass of nice wine. So I can completely understand how you might find it easier to have a relationship with somebody closer to your own preferences.

Food is one of my greatest passions and I like to be with someone who shares my appreciation. DH and I both love food. It's the main thing we have in common! I'm vegetarian and he's a meat eater but happy to eat vegetarian food most of the time. I'd say he has meat about twice a week. I would find it hard to be with someone who only ate junk.

I’m an omnivore and would have absolutely no problem dating a vegan as long as he adopted a ‘I’ll do me, you do you’ approach.

Any attempt to preach at me or use emotional blackmail, or propaganda or any hint of self-righteousness or sanctimony about his dietary choices or mine and he would get a very clear warning. If he tried it again, he would be out on his arse.

Luckily dh and I both love good food...we are 90% veggie and I enjoy cooking nutritious meals. In the old days, we'd wat out 2 or 3 times a week in different restaurants.
My ex was a nightmare....ate 3 veg and 3 fruits...no salad, wouldn't try anything new and was suspicious of it.
To me food is to be enjoyed, not simply fuel.

I think a food snob would be worse, as a PP said. I'd find that tedious.

I don't drink much, so a big drinker is a no no. I don't 'live for food' so I couldn't date someone who thought about food all the time. I like fruit and veg, I do eat meat, never eat shellfish, and will eat 'treats' too. Not keen on junk food. I'm fortunately dating someone very similar, it works for us!

Fort

I don’t think it’s a big deal for me. I’ve been married for 25 years and during that time I’ve changed what and how I eat many times. Some of this has good and bad has rubbed off on my DH and visaversa. It hasn’t made any difference to how we’ve got on if he’s going through one of his heavy drinking phases and I’m hardly drinking or if I’m going all born again on done diet or other.

It’s important to me

My ex mostly lived off meat, cheese, white bread and ketchup and he was so unhealthy and didn’t care one bit.

My DH really cares about health and what he eats and it’s made a huge difference to me too

It is quite a big thing for me, I had a very unhealthy relationship with food for a long time, now I have a very positive relationship with food/health in general it’s important that my partner does as well.

I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t value their health, whether that’s through poor diet, lack of exercise, not taking care of mental health etc.

I'm wildtarian - rarely eat any meat but if I do it's not abattoired. DP eats a lot of crap. Over the course of our relationship I've introduced him to vegetables and the idea of food groups that we all fucking learn in primary school!! He's pretty good now but still goes overboard with things like cheese! Our DD4 has the same as me, not him. He says that by the time she's old enough to make an informed decision about her diet, he'll probably be eating the same as me anyway. So, it's not an issue for us, but if you're morally led in your diet choices, it could potentially be if you have DC. Oh, and I do want him to live a long time so the healthy influencing/nagging is a necessary evil in that situation.