How much does food/diet matter to you in a relationship?

[Jess2824]

I’m a vegan and try to eat as healthily as I can. I would happily date a meat eater (although I wouldn’t like it if someone was constantly eating steak, bacon, sausages etc as I really think I’d find it difficult to live with someone constantly cooking meat) but I really don’t think I could date a man who eats junk permanently without regard to health. My last relationship ended because my boyfriend drank about a litre of coke each day, had pizza every day for dinner, and bacon every morning. He would always snack on pot noodles, sweets and multipacks of biscuits and would never eat vegetables or fruit and would turn his nose up at the healthy things I made. My mum said I was shallow for letting this put me off but does anyone agree with me that diet can be a real source of contention? And I’m NOT one of these “o look at me I’m a vegan” types

I found it annoying when an ex would drink 2l of Fanta a day. Morning noon and night he was on that Fanta. Never water 😂 it irritated me!

Yes I think it matters. DH and I both love going out for meals and have broadly the same attitude to restaurants i.e. doesn't matter if its cheap or high end but don't like chain restaurants. We aren't exactly the same of course, but if you're ever going to move in with someone it helps a lot if you can eat the same dinner.

Well, I could never date a vegan so I guess you're right.

I think it must matter - you have to have similar outlooks on the majority of things otherwise there'd be too much arguing and someone having to compromise.

I struggle at times having to consider DS' vegetarian diet tbh and he won't be living with me forever (unlike a DH).

Same as smokers living with non smokers. It can't work, unless the non smoker is extremely tolerant.

I couldn't be with anyone with a restrictive diet. I once went on a date with a man who ate no refined carbs. Sorry, but a life without pizza, pasta, chocolate, bread? Not for me.

A lot! Wouldn't get into a relationship with a fussy or picky eater, who was on a restricted diet, someone who ate nothing but junk and didn't cook at all or a vegan.

I’m a big food lover and would struggle to date someone who was a fussy eater.

DP is a big eater too and we go to all kinds of restaurants and get takeaways several times a week, it’s our main form of entertainment, even down to cinema snacks and going for walks to the shop to find something for pudding.

When he goes on a diet it’s really annoying for me, as it means everything revolves around what he wants to eat, and our usual meals out end up replaced by him wanting to eat meat, eggs, cheese and salad. I used to try and diet with him just to make it easier but if my heart isn’t in it I cant do it, and low carb can be really expensive and time consuming, so it’s a lot of extra hassle for me. I dread diet time!

My DS had a GF who wouldn’t eat pizza, pasta, anything normal, just chicken nuggets. He found it really frustrating that the only place they could go on dates - even Valentine’s Day - was McDs. Although at least she was a cheap date!

Neither DP nor I are drinkers. I think I could be swayed if I was with someone who drank alcohol regularly. I’m not really fussed, so as he doesn’t drink, I don’t either.

Probably the same with food - if I was with someone who ate less, I probably would too. I’m just easily led!!

Re veganism, as long as the vegan is the one doing the majority of the cooking and shopping it’s fine. But expecting to be catered for is a bit unfair, as there’s dairy hiding in some unexpected places!

DS1 is veggie with a vegan GF. When they were both veggie it was a bit of a pain, but doable. Once his GF went full vegan I had to opt out of cooking for her, as it was just too much pressure trying to find vegan alternatives or come up with totally separate meal ideas. She’s fine with that and understands, but it does impact on her being included in family stuff as she eats at home before coming over (when she’s allowed to visit!) so misses mealtimes. Same with my DP and his diet, he will leave my house before meal times or eat separately to save me hassle, but it means I miss out on sharing that with him, which makes me sad!

My partner's diet has become more restricted over the years and we haven't eaten together in a long time. He doesn't seem bothered by it but I find it lonely. Although to be honest I wouldn't actually want to sit through a meal with him anymore, but there was a time that I did. If I ever manage to leave him, and if I ever manage to meet someone else, then I'd want us to eat together. I don't know if I'd be so bothered about what he ate as long as he sat with me and we ate together, though I do love to cook so it would be nice to have someone other than myself appreciate my food once in a while.

I wouldn't date a vegan, a vegetarian, someone who didn't drink, someone who drinks all the time, someone who doesn't eat chocolate and other junk/treat food but also someone who stuffs their face unhealthily. There needs to be balance.

It's extremely important that food/diet are compatible. My husband is easy to feed because there's very little he won't eat. He eats every meal I make. We both like mainstream meat and two veg meals. We have no problem with snacks either.

He cannot bear Marmite and I eat it regularly, but that's about it.

We like similar restaurants. We also rarely have take away food be it fish and chips or curry or Chinese.

We don't eat junk food. He just doesn't like McDonalds that much but will eat it at a pinch. He cannot bear KFC.

I once dated a vegetarian and he took me to some very nice vegetarian restaurants but I knew the relationship wasn't going to last. For unrelated reasons - he wasn't that mature.

Being compatible when it comes to food is as important as other values as a PP has pointed out.

BTW, OP, could your mother marry some one who had the same eating habits/food preferences as your ex-boyfriend ? I doubt it.

So many people on here seem to conflate ‘vegan’ with ‘boring, restrictive, dull’ - I think you’d really be surprised if you tried some of the ‘alternatives’ how good they are... if you think you’d miss the taste of meat for example I recommend the brand Fry’s, they do some chicken nuggets that taste better than actual chicken. I once tricked a meat eating friend who didn’t realise they weren’t meat, she said they were delicious

I don't want to try alternatives, though, Jess. I'm not interested in trying them. I have vegan friends, don't mind going out to eat with them, but wouldn't want to start a relationship with one romantically, IYKWIM. I just find it a chore and too restrictive.

Some of us wouldn’t choose to eat chicken nuggets whether they were chicken or fake chicken .

Of course vegan diets don’t need to be dull or boring, but if you enjoy eating meat then you would probably miss it.

I am a meat eater who has been married twice, both time to vegetarians (If you are asking yourself why I would do that to, I have asked myself the same question many times, without much of an answer!). I have found the ensuing 30 years OK but somewhat irritating sometimes. Both of my husbands were very unfussy eaters however (apart form not eating meat or fish) . Also they had no problem with having meat in the house and neither were/are at all precious about food cooked in the vicinity of meat so it has been bearable.

I would definitely not be able to live with a vegan, sorry. We do in fact eat quite a few vegan meals but 100% would be very difficult . I know because we have tried it a couple of times and it makes me miserable, despite me only eating meat 2-3 times a month and fish a bit more often anyway.

But OP that isn't the point. It is that extra consideration needs to be made for the person who eats the more unusual diet.

So for me and DH I tend to cook simple enough meals - often high in protein as we both exercise a lot and try to keep slim/or lose weight at the moment. It's easy - I buy chicken, turkey, white fish, salmon. Green veggies and serve with small amounts of carbs - rice, pasta, noodles.

To make that meal work for DS I do have to go out of my way to either find him a meal substitute (which I don't want him to eat all the time as I don't like the idea of too much artificial stuff) or make a whole different dish for him.

If everyone in the house eats the same then fair enough - it's the one who is 'unusual' in their choices that is the problem. Especially for the person who does all the food shopping and cooking.

Jess2824

I eat vegan food all the time. Not the meat substitutes though, I think they're vile (except quorn chicken nuggets which I like).

I had a tomato curry this evening, that was vegan. Definitely would have been nicer with some paneer though!

Do I think vegan food is delicious enough to give up dairy and meat? Nope. I'm a good cook, I know how to make vegan meals taste lovely, but I still prefer non plant based meals.

I have a lovely vegan friend who is always asking me to "try this, honestly it's delicious, you wouldn't even know it's vegan".

I've tried vegan cheese including mozzarella (notzarella), vegan sausage rolls basically made from what tasted like paxo, mushroom steak fake bake, powdered fake egg omelette, vegan cakes.

I could just about finish a slice of chocolate cake. All the rest of it was either bland, or absolutely disgusting, much like I image a vegan chicken nugget would taste.

I know there are some lovely vegan recipes, I cook one maybe once a week, but I always end up serving them with some kind of non-vegan side dish or accompaniment, because on its own I just feel like there's something missing.

I think you have to have someone broadly compatible with you - either they're into healthy lifestyle/eating or they're open to it - if they're full on junk food addicts and like being that way I think it'll become a source of frustration. DH and I like a "treat" now and again but broadly we are both into cooking from scratch and eating well. Having a nice dinner together is one of life's pleasures and if you can't enjoy that together...

I don’t mind that DH eats meat/fish and I don’t. Other than that we are broadly the same. We like a treat but are healthy overall and both exercise. I’d not have dated him if he had smoked or drank though. A healthy lifestyle is important to me.

We have family members where it is a vegan married to a carnivore (who doesn't much like salad, onions, tomatoes and mushrooms). They make it work. Vegan person brings great dishes to family parties for us all to try. She makes wonderful marinades as well.

DH frustrates me sometimes as he considers vegetarian food as horrible... But agrees we want our children to grow up considering vegetarian food as perfectly normal. One of our DDs doesn't like meat that much, so we are doing research into protein rich veg and bean based meals (she loves eggs and cheese). Her issue with meat is texture rather than it being animal, and she isn't keen on meat substitutes either.

I absolutely love food and will eat almost all savoury food (apart from fresh tomatoes). I love trying new stuff.

However, for 6 –8 months a year my diet is extremely restricted due to my 'hobby'. It wouldn't be fair to expect a partner to tolerate my chosen way of life, which is why people like me tend to either stay single or get together with others who are pursuing a similar goal.

I do think that much of our social interaction is based around food and agree with PPs that compatibility wit ha partner is important.

So, for the time being, unchained and free I remain

I wouldn't date a vegan, vegetarian or someone who had a massively restrictive diet (e.g. if they were extremely obsessive about food/excessively healthy or very fussy ). also wouldn't date someone who ate a really bad/unhealthy diet. I like eating out at nice restaurants, trying different types of food and travelling in different countries.

I also wouldn't want to eat someone who loved eating all the time, or who planned days/dates around meals - I'm happy to skip meals, or just have a snack. I probably wouldn't date someone who is teetotal either .

I would love to date someone who loves to cook and who is good at it. I'm a reluctant cook to say the least.

I've just realised I'm quite fussy!

Today 19:14Yellowsubmarinedreams

I wouldn't date a vegan, a vegetarian, someone who didn't drink, someone who drinks all the time, someone who doesn't eat chocolate and other junk/treat food but also someone who stuffs their face unhealthily. There needs to be balance

^^^^^
All of this, apart from vegetarianism, which is grand.

Very important to me - my DP and I both love food so enjoying it together is something we like to do. I would deal with it if he went vegan but starting to date someone new it would massively change.

I don't think not wanting to go out with someone who eats of lot of junk food is a problem, it's your decision. I personally don't care as I love chocolate and pizza and would hate to be with someone who looked down on me!

Just look for similar people when dating, you just haven't found that person yet.