Dh won't stop smoking weed all day long

[stardrops12]

Dh resigned from his job in Jan because he has 'had enough with all the morons at work'. In Feb, he received a job offer but declined it because he thought the pay was too low despite them offering 5% more than his previous salary. Before the lockdown, I was always out of the house in the wee hours for work and just assumed that he spent the day working on his portfolio as that was what he told me he was doing.

Since the lockdown, I have found out that that has not been the case at all!! I know he likes a joint now and then—I did too—but what he's doing now is just taking the piss. What I've discovered is that it's the norm for him to wake up at noon, smoke, sit on the computer for maybe 2 hours 'working on his portfolio' while smoking, smoke some more, by which time he's tired and it's back to bed.

I asked him if he could smoke less because the smell was giving me a headache and I had to WFH and he told me to 'stop being such a bore no one likes this new you'. By that he means the 'new me' where I stopped smoking and drinking last year because smoking made me feel sluggish and hungry all the time and I was getting pretty overweight.

I'm seriously annoyed please tell me it's not just the lockdown that's driving me crazy....

Now you've seen the light, don't waste any more of your life on this arrogant loser. Tell him you've had enough and you want him out. Is he still in touch with his parents, or are they, let me guess, oppressive bourgeois types who don't appreciate his talent and think he should get a boring 'real' job?

Sounds a fairly standard cocklodger?
A dead weight, dragging you down, contributing nothing

@MrsTerryPratchett

Reminds me of my late Uncle who adored his wife of 40 years, but used to refer to her as "his present wife".

It used to give them both such a giggle!

Had a good talk with mum over the phone today, we've also been texting rather frequently since the lockdown (mostly about mundane day to day stuff, but still). She told me that I'm more than welcome to stay at her old place if I 'ever need a break'. I haven't told her about how miserable it is here but I think she knows.

Dh was still up at 5am watching YouTube and scrolling through Reddit so I'm guessing he'll only be awake at 2 or 3pm. Thank god.

He is an addict- are you prepared to live with and financially fund his habit and lifestyle?

Please don’t waste any more of your precious life on this loser op. See a solicitor as soon as you can and start making plans to split. You can be so much happier than this.

you've wasted 10 years on this loser.

And now you're going to waste a big chunk of your inheritance getting rid of him, no doubt, since he'll want a percentage of the house even though you paid for it.

But you should still get rid of him.

Mums aren't silly...they have spidey senses. Just get some things straight and decide what you want to do.

A little bit of space might help both of you but just to pre-warn you, when I left the stoner ex who had quit being a stoner, he went right back to it and 10x worse as I'd 'pushed' him to it by leaving

The Wasteman Chronicles.

I hope you're making quiet plans to split up when lockdown is over. You'll never win this one, it's you vs weed & weed will win.

Who's paying for this lazy pothead fool's weed habit? If it's you, you are being entirely silly. There's more to life than having a man just for the sake of it.

Wow. Leave him

Oh and of course the drug can also make people crap in relationships as they become (more) self-absorbed.

My dd has one of these , who is now living with us - he lives in a fantasy world ( making plans to open a gym - it’ll never happen). He’s lazy, mind blowingly forgetful, untidy and selfish.
Make plans to leave him Op , it won’t be easy but you will feel liberated once you’ve dumped the lazy fucker.

Sounds like you are lovely and loving person and have grown up and apart. Make this an opportunity to start again. Don’t doubt yourself.

Well done stardrops for knowing this is wrong, for posting on here, for listening to advice, for acting on advice, for continuing to engage on here and continuing to think it through.

You are further along than you think.

Well done speaking to your DM - she is v diplomatic and knows exactly what is going on - she sounds amazing and I bet she is doing a happy dance right now.

Keep talking to her. Keep throwing sunlight on it - it will make you feel so much lighter because sub-consciously you have been worried about this, accommodating it and hiding it.

Detach from him in your head and your heart. Get fantasising about your new refreshed life. Do loads of research, get professional advice and get your ducks in row before you tell him what’s happening.

Work your days around him - get up earlier, go to be earlier. Go out for your exercise when he is up.

Ipadipod how are you managing to get her to “see it” herself without falling into the trap of showing your own frustration with him which would drive her to him?

Well done OP for contacting your wonderful mother.

Take her up on her offer.

She probably is well aware of exactly what this looser is like.

This awful man does not have to be your future.

Gutterton I can’t make her see , she now also smokes weed . I hate everything about it, if I try and discuss it she has a massive meltdown which makes my nerves bad. I suspect she has some sort of personality disorder which doesn’t help.

His selfmedication with weed for depression/lack of drive paranoia has increased. If he wont actively address this do you want to be living with him like this in 1 year, 5 years, or with kids where you are effectively a single parent despite being married?
If he wont face his problems, line up your ducks, see a solicitor and make plans to leave the relationship before you have kids.

Stop being such a bore?

Oh God - there is nothing more boring than a pothead. Pretentious, lazy - claiming to be 'artistic'. Get rid of him, he's a waste of skin.

I am leaving the moment this is over. We were watching the news, Dh thinks the world is full of 'sheep ready to hand all control to globalists because of the fear or some virus', the whole fucking house smells like weed, he's now sat around taking B&W photos of household items like salt and pepper to demonstrate (I'm not even paraphrasing here) 'the duality of life' it's so fucking stupid.

The worst thing is that he has always been like this (maybe without the 'sheep' talk—that's a fairly recent development) and I just got sucked into it all.

I've been chatting with my mum more and more over the past couple of days. I still have yet to explicitly say that I'm leaving but she was dropping hints anyway at how so-and-so we know had a messy divorce but got through it all right and sending me pictures of nice furniture that looks right up my alley. 10 bloody years. I feel like I should feel like a stranger to her but she knows. How did I mess things up so badly?

How old are you op?

Don't keep beating yourself up over it. Just start moving forward. Tell your mum straight, just say 'I've realised this isn't working and I'm going to leave'. He sounds like a right deluded dullard to have around.

How old are you op?

Almost 30.

My parents 'disapproved" of my first husband. When I left him I was terrified to tell them. They said 'thank god' and totally supported me. Never once did they tell me they told me so, or ask me why it took so long or say I'd wasted years or slag him off. Just love and support.

He sounds like he’s getting paranoid and dropping deeper into conspiracy theories. It won’t get better.

Trust your instincts, OP. You’re over a big hurdle just by facing up to this.

Use this time to get everything in order and plan your future. Be kind to yourself and nurture your relationship with your mum.

You have so much life to live once you’re free of him.