DP making my orgasms about him

[Aisforharlot]

so Frustrated with him right now.

I have always found it very hard to come, almost impossible with a partner. I’ve tried to tell DP what I need to get there, but he seems not to hear it.

He gets very upset he can’t make me come...I’ve told him it’s not him, it’s just difficult for me.

Last night he tried again with a vibrator. Didn’t work, he gave up in a huff after 20 mins.
My issue is he’s using it on me wrong, in a way that’s never going to get me there, and he won’t bloody listen. Gets annoyed I’m pulling away when he uses it too hard, thinks I’m deliberately stopping myself for some psychological reason.

I told him I can get there, but he needs to follow the instructions I’ve given him on what I need.
He said that’s fine for me making myself come, but he wants to find his own special fucking mystical way of doing it....
Aargh!
Like, dude...just get me there a few times reliably, then you can tinker the process.

I hate that he makes this more about his ego than a process we can potentially enjoy together.
Just venting because honestly I’m very cross with him.

Website OMG yes, might be a useful resource (with a different partner, or by yourself) too OP.

yeah OP, as well as the lovely physical mechanics of girth it’ll have been the intuition that got you hot under the collar the most, someone who weaves a spell and demonstrates what they’ve learned whilst taking your pleasure seriously.

and those who don’t have it as second nature but want to know, learn.

It’s heady

that’s what’s broken here OP, it ain’t you.

Your issue isn't your orgasm.

Your issue is your dh would rather "win" at giving you an orgasm despite your preferences than satisfy you by doing what pleases you.

So you have a partner who prefer to be top dog at orgasm than giving pleasure.

I am post menopausal. Have never orgasmed from piv ever with any partner. That's the way I work. Never bothered anyone and certainly hasn't bothered dh for the past 25 years. Have had a lovely sex life - better than ever now. Don't fake, have orgasm every time if I want one. I never orgasm from a penis in my vagina but often have a lovely end of orgasm with penis in vagina.

If I had a man policing my orgasm, I'd bin him as being a selfish patriarchal fool.

We know we are still living in a generation where men disrespect and abuse women.

For it to change, women need to stand up for themselves!

He does not have a right to your precious body. Do not have sex with him unless he makes you orgasm first.

I saw an interview Nicki Minaj gave, where she said she insists that every man she is with - gives her an orgasm. That if he doesn't she shames him and tells him how useless in bed he is. That they usually change their tune after she shames them

Grab his dick and yank it. Do anything you can that he doesnt like, even a finger up the arse if needed. He will learn if he isnt getting his relief.

@Aisforharlot you talked about piv being meh.

I thought the same as you for a long while - that I felt nothing from it, and it was totally boring.

But it really does depend on the man! I really think it depends on - how nice the man is.

I had been with some not very nice men - and the piv sex was boring. Then I met a man - who was "better quality" than any other man that I had been with. He worked in cancer research, he was nice and kind? A gentleman, and the piv sex by itself was mindblowing with him. I didn't know that I could have those sensations, just from piv sex.

This is why i think we should be very choosy about who we have sex with. If we have sex with a nice kind man, we are going to feel so much better than if we have sex with some one who watches violent porn, for example.

I am into reading spiritual books, and one of the books was sayin how we just see sex as physical, when actually there is a huge energy exchange going on.

The book said "if people knew how much energy there was exchanged during sex, they would be very careful about the people that they have sex with".

That we take their energy into our body. Do you want an alcholic's energy in your body? A violent man's energy in your body. Or a nice, kind man's energy in your body

I agree with a pp this is what porn has done to men.

I had been with some not very nice men - and the piv sex was boring. Then I met a man - who was "better quality" than any other man that I had been with. He worked in cancer research, he was nice and kind? A gentleman, and the piv sex by itself was mindblowing with him.

Interesting theory, I'll have to disagree though.

The only man I've ever orgasmed with purely from PIV sex was an utterly horrible scumbag whose knob was bent like a banana and it just hit the right spot every time.

Oh god the sandpaper! I'm like "it's SENSITIVE"
And I have no issues saying "ouch, GENTLER"
One guy "just relax"
No. How about I grab some sandpaper for a hand job and see how you like it? Relaxing doesn't make the fact you are hurting me go away

It's like everywhere else they are feathery strokers, then they get below the waist and start frantically jabbing

They get All of their awful behaviour from porn. One man started hitting and slapping my breasts. I asked him why. He said hat he saw it in porn.

Lets get porn banned

@Annamaria14 I've had a boyfriend slap my breasts before. Absolutely bizzare.

Ugh, I had an ex like this. He thought he knew my body better than me and would try to explain to me how it needed to be done to make me come It’s like the sexual version of mansplaining.

OP I don't think you are unusual in not being able to cum from PIV at all. I read somewhere the reason the vagina doesn't contain many nerve endings is because that would make childbirth waaay more painful than it already is, which makes sense. Can you imagine how much more painful it would be if it was packed with nerves in there? Ouch. This may be why you have been close with anal, the anus has loads of sensitive nerve endings.
Please let us know how you get on, and if he manages to follow your instructions correctly!!

My ex said I was frigid because I never came with him, I hated sex with him only married him to get away from the family.

Life is too short for shit sex.

Ditch the controlling me, me, me, ass.

@BaroleCaskin alot of porn shows men - physically hurting women.

The last porn that I watched , because a boyfriend wanted me to, was disgusting.

It showed a man, with a huge penis, repeatedly penetrating a young woman from behind in her anus, then in her vagina, changing back and forth every five seconds. What was disgusting is that the penis was way, way too big for her anus, and it showed him stretchcing her, and hurting her terribly. It looked like she was going to rip apart. And this is available mainstream? I nearly cried

I am so looking forward to the time when violent porn is banned, when you think of how porn contributes hugely to the disrespect of, and violence towards women, all across the world.

Annamaria, I completely agree with you.

Whole generations of young men are being taught that sex is about hurting and using women. It’s a disgrace.

As for the OP, I’ve had an ex who thought my orgasm was his triumph to own! Wouldn’t ever listen to what I knew I needed. Always wanted to try for a second immediately I had finished. I told him over and over to just wait a few minutes for the sensitivity to reduce, but noooooooo, he knew best. I had to fling his fucking hand away from me and then he would SULK!

Off you fuck.

@Annamaria14 that's awful. Was you ex enjoying the footage?

The same ex I had that would slap my breasts saw that ass to mouth thing in porn and kept pestering me to do it. I said no of course, I was absolutely horrified. But he was really keen on trying it. He used to bite my nipples really hard too. I would say how much I hated it but he got 'carried away and forgot.' The final straw was when he bit so hard I had a big bruise for two weeks, he almost drew blood. We split up shortly after. He made me understand what it was to absolutely dread sex.

It showed a man, with a huge penis, repeatedly penetrating a young woman from behind in her anus, then in her vagina, changing back and forth every five seconds

Not to mention the spread of bacteria.

As a cough well-endowed man any anal play requires time, patience, communication and lots of lube. Porn in general, but this more than usual, really disgusts me.

Why would you ever want to put yourself in such a vulnerable position with someone like that.

It isnt fixable. Leave. Run for hills.

The only man I've ever orgasmed with purely from PIV sex was an utterly horrible scumbag whose knob was bent like a banana and it just hit the right spot every time

LOL! Bent like a banana! You made me spit my coffee out!

OP as for girth, I know what you mean. I too once had a partner who I would decribe as "hung like a coke can" and it wasn't so much that he was a great lover, but he was a slow lover and could go for hours. Otherwise, he drank straight vodka at 6:00 am most mornings so a terrible option as a partner and I never pursued him.

Someone up thread also said that men were featherlight strokers above the navel, but as soon as they find a clitoris they become ham fisted morons. Also made me laugh (and scowl because it's true). I have big boobs and had a previous partner knead them like bread dough. Despite me telling him that that fucking hurt, he assured me that large breasts have less nerve endings per square inch therefore were far less sensitive than smaller boobs. With hindsight, I should have started kneading his balls like playdoh.

As for sensations from PIV sex, another PP said that intuition plays such a large role in someone being a sex wizard (I like this term). I'm not terribly bothered about PIV for sensation, although the right angle can be nice. I enjoy it more because my partner puts a fair amount of effort into kissing, cuddling and general touchy feely stuff that makes me more aware of sensation in general and therefore more able to enjoy PIV as a pleasant feeling, even if it takes me more than that alone to reach orgasm.

Did you give your partner another tutorial or have your decided that it's not worth the effort?

Im imagining "ok fairy" said like "ok boomer". Love this thread