DP making my orgasms about him

[Aisforharlot]

so Frustrated with him right now.

I have always found it very hard to come, almost impossible with a partner. I’ve tried to tell DP what I need to get there, but he seems not to hear it.

He gets very upset he can’t make me come...I’ve told him it’s not him, it’s just difficult for me.

Last night he tried again with a vibrator. Didn’t work, he gave up in a huff after 20 mins.
My issue is he’s using it on me wrong, in a way that’s never going to get me there, and he won’t bloody listen. Gets annoyed I’m pulling away when he uses it too hard, thinks I’m deliberately stopping myself for some psychological reason.

I told him I can get there, but he needs to follow the instructions I’ve given him on what I need.
He said that’s fine for me making myself come, but he wants to find his own special fucking mystical way of doing it....
Aargh!
Like, dude...just get me there a few times reliably, then you can tinker the process.

I hate that he makes this more about his ego than a process we can potentially enjoy together.
Just venting because honestly I’m very cross with him.

@DonkeyKongQueen

'okay fairy' technique

Thank you

Urgh what a knob. Could you try and show him what you like rather than telling him? Sometimes if my partner can’t finish me I will finish myself happily.

I agree with a pp re the kissing. I found this as well. An ex when we first kissed nearly yanked out my tonsils it was so bad. I actually had to ask him to kiss a bit less enthusiastically. This is the same ex that also gave instructions for how I should be having an orgasm, even to the point of when I had, he would grab the vibrator from me or keep holding it telling me that I really wasn't finished and if I relaxed I'd continue having one. When I said I'm done, he said no you're not. He was just as controlling in other areas of the relationship too.

After the extremely frustrating and annoying experience of falling deeply in love with someone who could not make me orgasm, when I was dating I would ALWAYS have the conversation early on. Otherwise the relationship would fail because my resentment became bigger than the feelings.

I always checked: Do you go down on women? And do you enjoy it?

If they said yes - I sleep with them and my response must have been enough to keep them doing it and enjoying it. I can not stop myself from telling them what I need.

If they said no I don’t see them again.

I know it sounds mercenary but I find it impossible to even get ‘ready’ for sex unless my partner goes down on me, my body just doesn’t respond I am not prepared to get a UTI and sand papered clit for any man.

DP wouldn’t be able to come himself if he thought I wasn’t getting anything from it, as he isn’t a sociopath. Same as for me; I couldn’t make myself get into it if DP looked like he wasn’t enjoying it. Sex is about the transaction between two people isn’t it? I think a lot of men forget that.

He sounds creepy and abusive. How fucking dare he tell you what you need to do with your own body. Fuck him off before he gives you a serious complex. What a cunt he sounds.

I am not prepared to get a UTI and sand papered clit for any man.

I want this on a badge!

holrosea next time I’m single I will make some

@Mummyoflittledragon

"Offer to give him a blow job, blow on it. Tell him if he tries hard enough, your blowing in it will bring him to orgasm."

X'D

I think your just not sexually compatible , he sounds incredibly immature. It would make me quite angry and resentful if my husband was doing his own thing for his own self gratification despite me saying its hurting me! I'd probably loose my shit and shout the truth 100% that he completely ignores your instructions because he is a child, he hurts you , he Is a big baby

One ex used to flick my clitoris vigorously with his finger and always seemed surprised when I said I didn't like it.

Another one used to rummage around inside me vigorously as if he'd misplaced something down the side of the sofa and couldn't quite reach it.

Only one man I've had sex with could actually find my clitoris at all. Completely mystifying.

Start booing him loudly whenever he goes off on one of his magical techniques. Round of applause for when he does as instructed.

He is treating you like faulty goods.

To him you are defective and if he keeps doing his thing you will eventually work...or give up caring.

Read a book whilst he is doing his thing.

Watch TV.

Fall asleep on him.

Do not do anything to get him off, simply defer by saying " one for me...one for you..."

Another one used to rummage around inside me vigorously as if he'd misplaced something down the side of the sofa and couldn't quite reach it.

Only one man I've had sex with could actually find my clitoris at all. Completely mystifying.

This is my experience too.

The one man who had half a clue where it is and tried to touch it unfortunately did that very hard. It was a casual hookup and was not repeated (plus I was very young and inhibited) to try to lighten him up and see if that worked.

Do many men seem to be unaware of the existence of the clitoris, or think it's irrelevant, or ... I just don't know what they think.

I do know I fervently hate every faker who trained them that women climax from penetrative sex and what they're doing is "right". It's not just porn (and men's dick and penetration fixation), it's taking women too.

*So many
*Faking women

They get wll this rough and violent behaviour from porn.

When we finally, finally develop as a world and see how porn is so damaging and causes:

Bad sex
Rape
Murder

And we ban porn. I will be sooo happy.

Porn causes so many problems in the world

geez my 3 long term partners have all been about ensuring I enjoyed it and they all loved making sure I was enjoying it even the one that had zero experience.

Wasn't aware I had been so lucky!!

The only not great experiences were because neither of us really knew what we were doing or very very drunk...

Gilbert, some (I think it's about 20%?) women do climax from penetrative sex. I'm one. I think that it's rarer should be made clear to blokes, and no excuse for the jabbing and general shitness discussed here.

The most important thing here is:

That women need to very firm and stand up for yourself in sex.

Unless he treats you right - he does not get to have sex with you.

Faulty goods Chickeny - exactly!
Talk had, if not as in depth as I wanted. He got home from work and, unprompted, asked me to show him exactly what and how again, so must have been playing on my mind.

But I won’t let him make me feel deficient again!
Wish I could climax from piv alone, I’m very jealous of those who can. Sometimes I feel close with anal of all things, but piv can feel a bit, well...of a let down for me just from themechanical sensations.
Only time I’ve properly loved it was when I was briefly seeing a dude who was a bit of a sex wizard, and insanely well endowed. Pity he was entirely unsuitable in every other way!
I do wonder if I am a bit...broken? Not feeling the fun from regular piv. It feels so meh

• playing on his mind, rather.

You aren't broken. You are normal.

A good lover works with you to find a way, then they expand from there.

Trust is a big point too. I worry for you that his actions to date will make you feel that he isn't REALLY interested. He just wants to prove that you are the issue.

You aren't.

I promise.

ENOUGH with the faulty goods thing and I recommend you order “Mind the Gap” by Dr Karen Gurney off Amazon and have your eyes opened re “sexual scripts”.

Only time I’ve properly loved it was when I was briefly seeing a dude who was a bit of a sex wizard, and insanely well endowed. Pity he was entirely unsuitable in every other way

Assuming he wasn’t a controlling arse with an ego the size of Snowdonia, what was it about sex with him that was so “PHWOAR”?

Paul
He was incredibly intuitive...and honestly, the girth of him felt amazing. Made me understand for the first time what other women might be getting out of it.

Just had to say, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I had a partner recently, for a few months, who did exactly this! Claimed it was all about him wanting me to enjoy it, but ignored totally what I told he I wanted him to do. It was actually all about him - he made MY orgasm about him- a performance for me to give to him. Specifically - he wanted to feel me come when he was inside me, but I wanted something else. Which he ignored. Arsehole.