DP making my orgasms about him

[Aisforharlot]

so Frustrated with him right now.

I have always found it very hard to come, almost impossible with a partner. I’ve tried to tell DP what I need to get there, but he seems not to hear it.

He gets very upset he can’t make me come...I’ve told him it’s not him, it’s just difficult for me.

Last night he tried again with a vibrator. Didn’t work, he gave up in a huff after 20 mins.
My issue is he’s using it on me wrong, in a way that’s never going to get me there, and he won’t bloody listen. Gets annoyed I’m pulling away when he uses it too hard, thinks I’m deliberately stopping myself for some psychological reason.

I told him I can get there, but he needs to follow the instructions I’ve given him on what I need.
He said that’s fine for me making myself come, but he wants to find his own special fucking mystical way of doing it....
Aargh!
Like, dude...just get me there a few times reliably, then you can tinker the process.

I hate that he makes this more about his ego than a process we can potentially enjoy together.
Just venting because honestly I’m very cross with him.

And this is why women never admit to not orgazming during sex because stupid little men can't handle it and expect it to be a damn given. Women aren't made the same as men and unfortunately it takes more than PIV to get us there. I've actually had a fwb that broke it off with me due to this subject.

Must be a god complex in some men, can't make you come, they don't feel worthy. It's all about them lol

I ‘admit to it’ just fine - I don’t see it as some kind of personal failing. But then I also don’t have any room in my life for stupid little men and their staggering egos. If any man tried to tell me how I should feel, what my body should respond to, or took it personally when their fingers or their penis didn’t perform to my body’s needs, they’d be out the door.

If you don't want to outright bin him off, try this.

Next time he starts with the shit technique, yawn and say "I'm just gonna browse Facebook while you're uselessly making me uncomfortable for the next 15 minutes before then going off in a sulk. Wake me up if I nod off, ok?"

Then get your phone out.

I am sorry it won’t get better. Maybe some sex therapy would help if you think the relationship is worth saving but eventually if this is not sorted you will not want to have sex with him.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

I vote for the chinese burn, followed by dumping him.

This - Gets annoyed I’m pulling away when he uses it too hard is practically sexual assault.

He sounds like an awful twat.

Highly doubtful it will improve OP.

I’d bin him off

Same

He's not interested in listening to you. He's interested in controlling you.

OK FAIRY

Why are you still with this man?

Leave him he's crossing massive boundaries

What else is he control of in your life? Incredibly worrying!

It's actually shocking how little a man knows about woman's body, my fella didn't know that most women can't come through penetration, I think them watching porn doesn't help
Me and my DP have a great sex life, mainly because he is willing to listen and learn, I also take on board what he likes too.

Some of these have really made me laugh, thank you!

I have calmed down after a long (essential) drive. Will talk to him properly tonight.

Honestly I’m not sure at times we’ll survive lockdown.

As PP suggested, twist his cock (like a Chinese burn)
Haha yes give him a taste of his own crap sexual performance.

Or just leave him. He won’t change, you’ll always be unhappy and frustrated.

i genuinely have never had this issue with a man.
i think it says a lot about his character.

The sexual version of mansplaining! What a twat.

I like MehitabelWhurl's advice

How unattractive.
I think you need to tell him actually it IS HIM and not you.
You could be having amazing sex with someone who gives a shit, don’t sentence yourself to a man child OP!

@carole you are so right

Op if you want to try again, have you thought about doing it and letting him watch?

Another vote for the ok fairy! Hilarious and to the point. What a prick.

OMG I am crying at the OK FAIRY, Chinese burn and "yank it off"!

Another one here saying that, unless this relationship is absolutely stellar in other areas (and if he can't listen to you about how your own body feels then I strongly doubt this) then you're better off without.

Many women cannot orgasm from simple penetration (myself included), everyone's body/tastes/reactions are different and if he is not even listening or taking into account clear information such as "that is too hard" then it is NOT going to get better.

Jesus, I need a stiff drink just thinking about his "technique".

i genuinely have never had this issue with a man.
i think it says a lot about his character.

When then you are extremely lucky - the majority of men I've had sex with have been like this.

Not so much the persisting in continuing something ive said us uncomfortable, but the total ignorance about the clitoris and the not listening when you trying your best to give guidance ...

One man would not have touched my clitoris if left own is own devices. When I requested oral - which he was very happy to receive, I had to try to describe what to do, he then dud the same thing repetitively that wasn't doing much so told him he could vary it, mix it up if he wanted - that if was nice to have a but of variation early on in the process eg kissing or licking places other than one spot like elsewhere on vulva or inside if thigh ... So he started repetitively, robotically kidding the inside of my thigh once and then back to one spot ....

Thing is when I was becoming sexually active and since then I was interested bin.learnung how to be skillful at various aspects of sex like hand job, blow job, and read about it, tried stuff out on.osrtbees with feedback .. but the men I've met don't seem to have any such interest.

They even have far far more accessible porn than before to watch stuff - and while yes, mainstream porn sites are dominated by piv sex anal and BJ's ... There are also lots and lots of videos, often amateur, if men giving oral sex to and manually stimulating women. They're there is you had the slightest look.

They don't seem to care. They don't seem to be aware that not many women can climax from piv, they don't seem to listen when you do try to give guidance.

The man above made me so frustrated it gavw me the rage.

Likd quite a few other men I e had sex with he would have been absolutely satisfied with having minimal foreplay, oral on him if I'd continued doing it (I stopped), no oral on me, no manual in me, piv sex where he knew I didn't climax, go to sleep - job done.

I told him once when he briefly rubbed me between the legs over clothes that I could climax from that if it was kept up - he said "really?!", Looked shocked and then never repeated it over clothes or unclothed.