I don’t want to kiss him any more.

[scarlettsmama]

Hi there, I’m just looking for some advice. Quick bit of background, me and my partner have two children, aged 7 and 9. I got pregnant with dd on our second date (!) then ds unexpectedly not too long after.
Me and my partner are so very different as people, and although I love him in a way, I just am not in love with him any more. I don’t want to kiss him and haven’t actually snogged him in over a year. He tries to have sex with me most nights which I’m just not up for, when I move away from him in bed he turns over and huffs and sulks. I do give in sometimes but literally just to please him. He’s been at uni part time for 6 years now and has just committed to another 6 year long course while I work my arse off full time in the hope that we can one day afford to move house so our kids can have a bedroom each, he’s not interested in talking about this. We’ve not been out of the house in the eve together since August. When we argue he storms off and often goes and lays on the bed upstairs crying until I go and smooth things over.
The thing is that he thinks we are fine, he’s a good dad but we’ve just grown so far apart. I dread telling the kids and also have no idea how to go about telling him. It feels so cruel as he’s never done anything ‘wrong’ and I know his family are going to resent me, and my kids will be so upset but I just can’t do this forever.. should I start making a plan/ saving up where I can and play along for another year or shall I just tell him when this lockdown is over? I just don’t know what to do.. thanks everyone x x x

You're a primary school teacher so you have some smarts; employ these more into getting this man out of your life permanently.

Of course he hates it when you go out with friends. At least you still do this, well for now until he succeeds in moaning so much both before and after that you stop going out because of the hassle he gives. He is trying to control you by doing that and that behaviour is another example of abuse towards you. Controlling behaviour is abusive behaviour.

Would you be wanting this sort of relationship for your kids as adults; no you would not. It is not good enough for you either.

God knows what this man has done to your self worth over the years, he has further lowered it. Such men take time, years even, to recover from and your own recovery from him will only properly start when you and he are no longer together.

Please look at enrolling yourself onto the Freedom Programme or at the very least do this online.

@DubiousGoals thank you, I sometimes feel really strong in my mind and I know this is the truth. I’d say it to my daughter too if she ever wanted to leave someone but I think all this time so far has clouded my views a bit..

God it gets worse. You won't miss him.
You can separate under the same roof legally as long as you live like housemates - no cooking shopping washing conjugals. You can give notice to a landlord as just one of a partnership. If you pay the rent and he's only a dp i believe he can actually be evicted after due notice.

@AttilaTheMeerkat I’ll look into it, thank you xxx

He is a CF. No wonder your turned off.

You are with Mr Wrong here and what his family think is immaterial as well (they are probably glad he is off their hands). They are probably also just like him. You should not care that his family are supposedly going to resent you, why do you place so much importance here on what they think. They clearly do not care about you.

What is the situation re the property?.

We are renting. What’s a CF!!?

Cheeky Fucker

@RandomMess oh!

Is the tenancy in joint names or just yours?

Just think you will get free time when he has the DC a couple of nights per week!!!

@RandomMess that’d feel strange at first I’m sure but I think it’ll be
Much needed x
@AttilaTheMeerkat both names x

No one fancies a useless cunt you know. Why you'd want to tie yourself to him for another day I cannot imagine.

I'd not give him any warning just use this time to get it set up as far as possible. I'd imagine you might be able to get a video conference with a lawyer at the moment.

Get it set out and then tell him. But you'll absolutely need to stick to your guns and no faffing about with changing your mind.

@Wallywobbles my mind is made up, my only worry is upsetting my kids. We aren’t married and don’t own our home thankfully.. x

He''s taking loans to fund a 'hobby degree' whilst you work full time? WTF?!?

Christ OP, he has you rightly controlled, doesn't he.

You pay for everything.
He's studies a hobbie subject.
He fecks off for the weekend.

He crys when you disagree with him.
He doesn't like you going out.

Jesus Christ OP.

Get rid of him.

Your children will survive this.

You deserve to be rid of this absolute waster.

thank fuck you aren't married!

He's got a Saturday job?! While you work full time? Is he having a fucking laugh?! He's got a family to support...

Why can't he work and do the course at the same time?! Plenty of people do.

No wonder you don't want to be with him anymore, I would have absolutely zero respect for the lazy git.

Sorry I just read your update and it sparked something off in me. Assuming he has done a undergrad that took 6 years. A masters doesn’t take 6 years especially history related. 3 max. So it would suggest he is doing a PhD or similar which if correct then he is taking the piss! That is something you do to extend your progression in your job or in you leisure when you have the time or money. If it’s another undergrad he wouldn’t get funding so he is getting money from somewhere to pay for it.
This is exactly what my step father did, he lead my mum on believing he was studying to progress his career. Poor him couldn’t work because he was struggling and wanted to get the best marks possible to look after her in the future.
It took my poor mum 8 years to realise that he was leading her on. He was suppose to be doing a part time accounting course but took 3 year long breaks she knew nothing about. Kept tilling her he was doing booster courses to specialise. She only found out because his senior lecturer came over and told her what a decent and dedicate man she had. Apparently he took those three long breaks in his study to support his wife by working long shift hours because she was too ill. My mum work 14 hour days to support our house, if she was ever I’ll he would force her to go in because he was scared she wouldn’t get paid or loose her job.
Please don’t let him do that to you

he hasn’t done anything wrong

What is he contributing to the household?

Where do I even start, well lets start at the 12years degree, how lovely to be able to do useless degrees that don't lead to jobs all this time while you work and support everyone.
Then the sex pest business, quite frankly I'd tell him you don't fancy cock lodgers who don't see the need to support their families.
Then a sulker and a cry baby.
I'd be a star shaped object on the horizon by now.
Why on earth do you stay with this absolute waste of space?

He’s a very lazy man.
He is of no use to you. Get rid

The worst part is the sulking, it's passive aggressive and controls the situation, getting you to question yourself. Was I too unkind? Should I have given more support. This to me is manipulative and requires him to make a conscious decision to act this way to get the result he wants. Sorry it's all too familiar, and no it's not worth it. You need to think of yourself and your children's needs and work to get yourself independent of this man.

He's a lazy CF leeching off you, so get rid. He's draining you and brings absolutely nothing to the table. You'll be much happier without his passive aggressive emotional sulking and ridiculous crying, which he does to make you feel bad and to stop you from kicking his broke ass to the curb. Luckily, you're educated and you have a job/career and can pay your own way. Apply for universal credit to bridge the financial gap. Do not worry about what his family or anyone else thinks, they don't have to live with him and endure his relentless sexual demands. It's likely that his parents are also toxic narcissists. It's your life and you deserve to be happy. I'm sure you wouldn't want your kids to think that this is what a healthy relationship looks like. As someone else said, look into the Freedom programme 💐

Glad you are getting rid of this piss taking cocklodger