Partner described as a 'race traitor'

[sweetnsuga123]

Amongst other things... I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. We live in a predominately white area I am white he is black. A couple of weeks ago he was called a race traitor when we were on a date and got that shouted at him. We were also cat called about a month ago with someone shouting 'once you go black you never go back'.

Anyone else had experiences of this? I find it crazy how we are in 2020 and these things are still happening.

I'm surprised that you're surprised about these comments tbh. But then you said you are white so goes to show how your experiences are so different that it took a black partner for you to notice.

@Raffathebear

Your comments are way off. How dare you assume racial abuse against a white person is not 'real' racism because, according to you, we haven't endured generations of it or because we are "top of the food chain". What bollocks. I've had some bloody awful things said to me, as has my son, directly linked to the fact we are white, from London. The comments were massively racist and really hurtful considering I've brought my boys up to make friends because they like the person for who they are and not be put off by skin colour or beliefs.

Your comments are prejudiced and make massive, incorrect assumptions.

@Raffathebear, sorry...

My post was aimed firmly at @Fedupandpoor

Was so incensed I didnt check!

Hmm. I think I agree with fedupandpoor that given very strong structural social advantages that white people have in comparison to BAME people (in employment, education, in terms of social justice), there isn‘t a direct equivalence between a white person being racially offensive to a black person and a black person being offensive to a white person. However, whatever term you care to use, it is depressing, distressing and out of order on the person giving it out to be on the end of any comments - why don‘t people mind their own business, just for starters! I am sorry OP and everyone who has gone through this.

There is a huge ‘race traitor’ issue as black women are seen as les valuable than white women so some people fucking morons do consider a black man dating a white woman to be further devaluing black women. Of course he has done nothing wrong, but you can’t reason with idiots who have tiny IQs.

I’m Asian, I’ve only dated white men by coincidence (very few non-white men in my community) I’ve never had racist comments directed to me/said to my face regarding relationships. But all three partners have been told by various people “don’t do Asians they have tiny dicks” there’s actually a big issue with some white people in our community being actively anti-Asian, whether that be the Indian subcontinent, Chinese, Japanese etc.

My daughter in law who is chinese was brought up in the north west and has now left. She says it is the most rascist place on the planet.

*There is a huge ‘race traitor’ issue as black women are seen as les valuable than white women so some people fucking morons do consider a black man dating a white woman to be further devaluing black women. Of course he has done nothing wrong, but you can’t reason with idiots who have tiny IQs.

I’m Asian, I’ve only dated white men by coincidence (very few non-white men in my community) I’ve never had racist comments directed to me/said to my face regarding relationships. But all three partners have been told by various people “don’t do Asians they have tiny dicks” there’s actually a big issue with some white people in our community being actively anti-Asian, whether that be the Indian subcontinent, Chinese, Japanese etc.*

That is true about the view about black women compared to white women. I’ve never been bothered by what race people chose to date. I smile at mixed race couples in solidarity.

Like you, I’ve dated mostly white men but that was due to community and honestly not caring about the race of a man. I’ve not had many comments about me dating them, but have gotten looks here and there in certain areas. As far as I know, my husband hasn’t received any either. He would have punched someone if he had. Definitely notice looks when we’re in the Northeast though. Don’t get them in the South as much. I do have an issue at my son’s school where they constantly confuse my son with another couple (our friends btw) who are also a mixed race couple, but neither is or our children look the same. It’s very annoying.

I'm staggered at the examples of bigotry PPs in mixed race relationships have given.

We are a mixed race couple (white/asian of WI origin), married 45 yrs and can honestly say we have not experienced this from any race, white, asian, black, other - nor have our children. Our wider family includes people of several races, and we have many friends who are in long-standing mixed race marriages. It seems so common here as to be almost the norm (North East).

I am also surprised at the below comment:

But racism from white people directed at other races is NOT comparable to racism from other races because of the priviledge white people have AND because of the history.
Neither of them can and should be denied imo. Nor should we equate racism from a white person to 'racism' from a non white person.

The PP who wrote this has clearly no knowledge of the Black/Asian racism in Guyana - historically involving massacres of whole villages, among many other dreadful things. Nor the similar asian/black racism in Uganda and Kenya. All of these have been directly experienced by my extended family. Racism is certainly not confined to white vs others.

It’s not nice and it isn’t politically correct but not everyone is a decent human being. Don’t take offence when all they are doing is making themselves look like a piece of shit.

Living in London and being of mixed Arab/white ethnicity and dated white men, including who have my children with I was constantly called a whore by other Middle Eastern men and even Pakistani men in the street. I know of interracial couples who get stick from many in the black community. A best friend got disowned by her brother for dating a white guy. Another friend got disowned by his brother for marrying a white woman and having mixed children. As much as racism is directed at whites, there is a hidden prejudice that nobody cares speak about and that is from within ethnic minority communities. It seems like nobody either in media or government ever wish to bring this up, but in my experience it's an awful issue and just as damaging as any other prejudice!

@Raffathebear

And it's this kind of comment that's the reason zero progress will be made in race relations and why prejudice in ethnic minorities can go unchallenged.

Ok, white people haven't endure racism for generations...What's the got to do with enduring racism now, how old are you 300 years old? If you have to endure prejudice you have to endure prejudice, doesn't matter what your ancestors have endured because YOU have to endure it. It unrela this whole white privelged nonsense, are white families stuck in bedsits privelged? Are poor white families privelged? Are white working class privelge? As a mixed Arab/white female, I just don't get this nonsense which sorts to almost legitimise any bigotry and prejudice towards white people. Disgusting! No progress will ever be made until there is EQUALITY for all and that is EVERYONE treated the same in ALL ISSUES!!!

I wasn't talking from a historical point of view, i was talking about now. Dont put words in my mouth.

I’m white and been with my husband, who is black, for 20 years. Both Londoners. We’ve never experienced anything like this, and so far our mixed race teens haven’t either. We do live in a very multicultural area, though, with all sorts of mixing.

The only time we’ve ever experienced any raised eyebrows was on a driving holiday in the US, passing through some of the southern states. But even then, it was more a few double take looks and a bit of side-eye. Nothing overt.

DH has experienced racism as a black man, though. Lots of it.

@AintMyMuvva

If you live in an area with lots of mixed families then that's probably better, if you go in to areas that are communities of the same ethnicity/culture/religion that's when it will be noticed also a lot of the worst experiences has been the subtle distancing and disowning from families/friends that is rife. It's like all prejudice, just because some people don't experience it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

I'm white British (well half Mediterranean), my partner is black British; we live in north London.
In 13 years the only racism/ prejudice we have had is from strangers, or people we know, an Albanian shopkeeper who said I shouldn't be with him because of his colour (not in front of partner). We stopped shopping there.

His family and friends accept me for who I am, and my family and friends accept him for who he is.

Maybe we just go under the radar as we are both fairly ordinary looking, and obviously not wealthy (drive regular, not expensive car, for example), so not 'high-worth' in others eyes.

@NeedToKnow101

Wealth has zero to do with it, it's down to whether he has prejudiced people in his family or you in your family. It's whether you encounter prejudiced people. Simple as that.

@VikVal81 - it wouldn't be a balanced picture if the thread was only filled with experiences of racism/ prejudice. It's ok to share non-negative experience isn't it? Doesn't equate to denying others negative experience.

These people have clearly been dragged up, OP.

Sorry you’ve had to experience this.

I’m in no way denying other people’s experiences. And I’ve clearly stated that my DH has experienced plenty of racism. We’ve just never really experienced any negativity as a mixed race couple. Just sharing out experience.

@NeedToKnow101

Absolutely, as long as it's acknowledged that there is an issue because so far this issue has been completely ignored by news, by government, by any kind of organisations that are meant to represent a fight against prejudice, a fight against racism, a fight for equality. Nobody wants to address it, yes there are many positive stories but none of us should be ignoring the issue. It would be like how racism was treated decades back, if I don't see it or experience if then it doesn't exist...Very dangerous mindset. That's why I'm saying what I'm saying. In my opinion and experience the issue in general of prejudice within ethnic minority commuities has gone on for way too long unchallenged! Not just in regards to interracial relationships, but also sexual orientation, women's equality and so on. Nobody in the public eye has the courage to challenge this!

@VikVal81 - I agree.

I'm sorry this is happening in this day and age. Unfortunately, some people are really stupid! (See all the threads about people ignoring govt rules about staying in.)

Just try to ignore them, and be thankful you're more intelligent than they are?!

It unrela this whole white privelged nonsense, are white families stuck in bedsits privelged? Are poor white families privelged? Are white working class privelge?

That is not what white privilege means. It is not about wealth!

White privilege is a term used to describe unearned rights and benefits afforded white people in Western society because of the color of their skin.

White privilege is very much a thing.
As is male privilege.

But not every man or every white person will experience this privilege. There are very under privileged white people and men walking around.d

We can't tar everyone with the same brush. It's time the society starts to recognise people as individuals.

And it's waving the flag of white privilege that causes incidents like the one described by OP. Because white people are seen as automatically having a better start in life, getting to sit at the top of the table (whether it's true for the individual or not) it breeds resentment in individuals within ethnic minorities. "Why should they get our men when they're already getting everything else?"

It's so okay to bash white people these days for nothing other than being white, in a way that we would never get away with doing to any other race.
"Fucking all this black people shit!"
"Asian people are always like..."
Replace the two examples there with white people. Something shocking is now okay. Regularly used and laughed at. Because we have white privilege so we deserve to be taken down a peg.

Institutional racism and stereotypes still exist and the way to combat this is not to raise racism to balance the other side, it's to educate the masses, to remove the hate and to raise equality.

We need to weaken the divide, not strengthen it.

@Rumboogie, I am lost at your comment tbh.
White privilege is a thing and isn’t to be ignored.
The fact that others races also have prejudices and have had wars between them linked to race doesn’t mean that type of racism is the sam than racism done by white people.

I’m not ignoring the fact that some ethnies, races have been fighting each other for years. I’m saying it’s not the same thing.