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Original poster

Partner described as a 'race traitor'

108 replies

sweetnsuga123 · 07/04/2020 17:35

Amongst other things... I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. We live in a predominately white area I am white he is black. A couple of weeks ago he was called a race traitor when we were on a date and got that shouted at him. We were also cat called about a month ago with someone shouting 'once you go black you never go back'.

Anyone else had experiences of this? I find it crazy how we are in 2020 and these things are still happening.

OP posts:
WakeAndBake · 07/04/2020 18:30

So if a 6 foot 15 stone white man with a shaved head overheard the exchange where a pp had her kids called called half-breeds by an old Asian lady you would be totally fine with the big white guy delivering a throat punch to the small brown racist lady?

Okaaaay.....

Crackerscheesescabbyknees · 07/04/2020 18:32

Absolutely. I very sincerely meant that everyone should go around and throat punch racists. Be they big bollocked Burt or iddy biddy Manjeet.

AgeLikeWine · 07/04/2020 18:35

The idea that white people are the only people capable of being racist is, in itself, racist.

Correct.

QuestionMarkNow · 07/04/2020 18:49

If racist means having prejudices against someone from a different race, then anyone from any race can be racist.

But racism from white people directed at other races is NOT comparable to racism from other races because of the priviledge white people have AND because of the history.
Neither of them can and should be denied imo. Nor should we equate racism rom a white person to 'racism' from a non white person.

QuestionMarkNow · 07/04/2020 18:50

Having said that, I would have hoped that you had never had to face that sort of comments @sweetnsuga123. Not in 2020 :(

Surly · 07/04/2020 18:55

I'm in a town in the north west and although I dont think it's a racist area overall, theres plenty of 'mixed' friendships, groups etc..
I have had the same as I'm part white but look fully non white, and my ex dp a long time ago was white Irish the amount of comments we had from white and non white people showed just how deep racism still runs.

WakeAndBake · 07/04/2020 18:57

Crackers, I appreciate your honesty but think that your ultra hardline approach might end up backfiring and creating even more racism!

20wedding19 · 07/04/2020 18:57

My DH and I have had this quite a few times. We are different races.
Weirdly we get it more in London and never once in the north of England where I was brought up.
We just shake it off as the majority treat us at the "normal" ppl we are.
People who have an issue with different colours just seem to have a fear of what is different to them.

StampMc · 07/04/2020 19:02

I haven’t had this for years but used to get it a lot. Are you young? I’d sort of made an assumption that people didn’t do this as publicly anymore because it’s 2020 but I wonder if there is a relationship between this happening when DH and I were young ( and gorgeous Wink ) as opposed to a middle aged and tired and cross looking

AgentJohnson · 07/04/2020 19:22

Do not underestimate some people’s propensity to broadcast their stupidity.

monkeymonkey2010 · 07/04/2020 20:58

OP, i used to get called "white arse licker" by small minded idiots during school and college, just cos i had white friends and "she wants to be white" cos i refused to dump my friends or stop talking to white people Grin
"Prostitute" and "easy" for wearing western clothes....and the shock on their faces when they realised i'd moved out into my own place - unmarried!! Grin Grin
In some parts of my hometown in the NW you wouldn't be or feel safe walking down the road holding hands as a mixed race couple.

It's mad....it's the 21st century, year 2020, the 'future', we can travel to space and see deep inside the microscopic universe too - yet we still have racism.

squishedgrapes · 08/04/2020 00:22

I live in an area of East London, and have had similar. I was brought up in the Midlands, where mixed race relationships were commonplace by the time I was in my teens. In fact I've only had two relationships with Indian men, even though I'm Indian myself. Yet in East London, now that I'm 50, I'm considered odd, and have had some comments, from how I dress to who I date, the food I eat, and what race my friends are.
I think things are worse now than they were 20 years ago

squishedgrapes · 08/04/2020 00:26

And the comments come from all races. White people who think that I should be more submissive and think I'm 'rebellious', which is hilarious, I'm a middle aged woman. And as for Asians, they live in some sort of ghettoised community (or at least compared with my home town) and have expectations of how Asian women should behave, and I don't fit.

june2007 · 08/04/2020 00:43

Racism come from and is aimed at all races. It is not acceptable. But you can choose to let it bother you or you can choose to rise above.

Harakeke · 08/04/2020 02:23

"But you can choose to let it bother you or you can choose to rise above."

I'm guessing you are 100% white because "just ignore it" is an incredibly privileged stance. When you are non white, racism and discrimination (and some of it is unconscious) can seep into every aspect of your life. Racism can influence everything from health outcomes to income levels. Telling someone to "rise above it" minimises the very real and pervasive nature of racism.

alexdgr8 · 08/04/2020 02:53

i remember being shocked to hear a black woman MP on the BBC world service a couple of years ago. it was an obscure programme in the middle of the night. so i guess not so many uk people heard it. she was basically complaining about black men who partner up with white women, on the grounds that it denigrated black women who were overlooked as possible partners, and furthermore these black men were doing it as a sign of superiority/ success.
she said she would like to get married but could not find a man who was black enough, and available. some of her friends suggested that she cast her net wider, but she said why should i lower my standards.
apparently this is something called colourism.
i've regarded everything she has said since somewhat warily.

PurpleSprain · 08/04/2020 03:57

Honestly unbelievable that this is going on in 2020. Sorry, OP, nothing useful to add but have a bit of moral support!

@alexdgr8 good grief. What was the programme and is there a recording available? I have my theory about who the MP might be!

Ifeelinclined · 08/04/2020 04:42

3 comments on and we already have the Alabama comment.

Nolie100 · 08/04/2020 05:14

I am in a mixed race marriage and living in multicultural Birmingham. I was absolutely shocked when out with my kids one sunny day, a group of young men randomly shouted "mongrels" at them.

I was really shaken up and posted on here at the time venting, most posters were appalled but a few just refused to believe anything like this could happen in the UK in the 21st century.

Thankfully never had anything similar happen again but have witnessed casual use of racist language eg during the lockdown one of my DHs friends referring to the "Paki shop" being open.

Dontjumptoconclusions · 08/04/2020 05:20

Yes racism still happens. Don't be thinking that just because it's 2020,its the end of it. If that is what people are happy to say to your face, God knows what they are saying behind your back.

Im mixed and my DH is black and we have got all sorts of crap in the past. DH has been followed around shops in case he might steal something, he's had monkey noises made at him from strangers, and so much more.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/04/2020 05:41

“Race traitor”. This sounds like something out of the handmaids tale. Omg some of what is being said in this thread is shocking. Sorry people that you or your loved ones have had to put up with such nastiness and racism.

Never heard of colourism. That’s racist for starters to black people, who’s skin colour isn’t dark enough, surely?

Reginabambina · 08/04/2020 05:52

This is a common thing in my ethnic community. It’s coloured by religious differences and a morally superiority complex. Ironically my ethnicity has been subjected to a fair bit of genocide and racial prejudice. I think there must be an element of self preservation. It’s a small and divided group, the language and culture are dying out so I suppose there are some who hope to preserve it by interbreeding exclusively. It a bit pointless though. The cultured lot jumped ship a long time ago so the most this achieve is the perpetuation of really old customs as opposed to a renaissance of some sort.

LoveIsLovely · 08/04/2020 05:54

I understand. I'm white, husband is east Asian and the lol lol small penis, eating dog, good at maths shit gets old quickly.

Reginabambina · 08/04/2020 06:03

Also to add to Harakeke said this is definitely true! I’ve been on the receiving end of ‘race traitor’ type comments. But I look very white. I could pass for a Celtic heritage/Mediterranean. I can easily ignore this kind of thing because most people can’t identify my race by looking at me. I’ve experienced what she describes from the other side. 99% of the time white people assume that I am like them (things like assuming I have the same religion, was born in the same country, have experienced womanhood in the same way, don’t come from an immigrant family, have similar opinions and so on). In contrast my visibly non-white DH and children are often treated as the ‘other’. This kind of racial profiling is particularly common in Britain.

goldenbaobab · 08/04/2020 06:15

I am mixed race but look Asian. The most trouble I've had is from the Asian community.
My dh is white and if I walk into an Asian area and I'm next to him I am stared at. I've also been told I have no respect for dressing in a western way when I'm a 'nice Indian girl' despite not being Indian.
If I try to explain I get a pity look at poor non Indian girl who looks Asian and doesn't dress appropriately (jeans and t shirt ffs)
I now live in a rural area and have not had many problems until I walked into a church fair one day and the whole church fell silent and stared at me. These were all white people. I felt I should leave. I felt so uncomfortable.

I always say I can't win in the U.K. despite having an English dad and being born and raised here with little knowledge of my mothers country, I'm quite a rare mix so I can't simply go with 'my people' even if I wanted to which I don't as I think everyone should just get along. It's very hard and it is most definitely something I can't just ignore. It pushes your confidence back on every part of your life including things like job interviews.
I dread going to them in case someone the other side of the desk doesn't 'approve' of the who I am. Because of my western name it's even worse sometimes as the problem hiring clearly act surprised when I go in to interview and they were expecting something else.

And yes I've been asked by job agencies in the past 'how dark do you get in the sun' that was in London.