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Original poster

Over a phone charger

107 replies

Setyoufreee · 01/04/2020 09:04

DH takes cables, plugs and chargers from around the house for different things and it drives me insane.
I will go to charge my phone to find the cable and/or charger has been moved and used for another purpose and 9 times out of 10 DH doesn't know what purpose he used it for, so I have to try a dozen plugs and usb cables to charge my phone again.
I have asked him not to do this.
He is particularly drawn to my phone charger for my work phone which I need right now on a daily basis.
Having asked him not to mess with it anymore twice recently, I went to charge it this morning to find it had disappeared. I furiously asked where it was. He had used it to connect his firestick to the TV, so I requested he unplug it.
"No."He said.
He then appeared with a different charger, telling me I could "borrow" it.
I told him no,I wanted my original phone charger for my work phone. I am fed up of him taking all our chargers for himself to use as he wishes.
Having never been challenged over this and made to hand it back, he became enraged. Screaming at me for being ridiculous.
Saying "I can't use my fucking firestick in that TV now; the world doesn't stop because you have to work you selfish dick head!"
"It's not even your fucking charger, it's the wrong make!" His eyes were so angry, it really shook me up.
I explained that no it wasn't because HE has used my original charger for something else!
I stood my ground and said "give me my charger."
He snatched it from the TV and threw it on the bed in an absolute rage.
I am crying and physically shaking. He was screaming in my face. All with the windows open so the whole street could probably hear him.
Have I been petty to stand my ground over a bloody phone charger?
I feel physically sick after the exchange. The children could hear it all too.

OP posts:
ErickBroch · 01/04/2020 09:10

I would put nail polish all over it so there's no more confusion

Original poster
Setyoufreee · 01/04/2020 09:13

He would still take it and argue about me wanting it back.
He doesn't see why he shouldn't be able to just take things as he wants them.
Regardless of me wanting to have my own charger, because he can't see why I feel this way, he can't respect my wishes.

OP posts:
ilovemydogandMrObama · 01/04/2020 09:20

There is no justifying his behaviour, as it's, 'what's yours is mine, and what's mine is mine..'

If it's for family use, then it probably doesn't matter whose is whose and blows my brain trying to keep track of all the chargers in our house.

I tend to put away all of my work stuff at the end of the day, if that's any help, but think this isn't about the issue of chargers...

user1493413286 · 01/04/2020 09:24

I’m the same as you about my phone chargers as DH has a habit of taking mine and then not remembering where it is whereas I always leave it in the same place. As small an issue as it is it drives me crazy and we’ve now agreed that he doesn’t use my phone charger without asking me as then I can keep track of where it is; he doesn’t understand why it annoys me but he gets that it does annoy me which is the most import part of us being able to resolve it.
I do think though that the fact that he won’t just respect your things and understand that it annoys you is a bigger issue and how he has reacted is completely out of order. There’s really no excuse for screaming in someone’s face

hobbyhorsesrunfree · 01/04/2020 09:29

Everyone's going abit stir crazy. Let emotions calm down then talk.

About your mutual feelings about current situation, fears, sadnesses. It's not about the charger, it's about how powerless you both feel and how selfish this is making us all. Listen and acknowledge without judgement.

Then and only then discuss how chargers will be managed.

He's not a different man from the one you lived with a month ago, he and you are both in very new and stressful situations.

CandyLeBonBon · 01/04/2020 09:32

My ex used to be like this. Always using my stuff and keeping it because he couldn't be bothered to find his own. So it was just assumed that my stuff was up for grabs and I'd always have to remember to bring enough of everything so that he could use stuff too because he was too special to have to remember such mundane shit. It's lazy and entitled. I get it OP.

TheStoic · 01/04/2020 09:33

It's not about the charger, it's about how powerless you both feel and how selfish this is making us all. Listen and acknowledge without judgement.

It’s about the charger. Even my kids know not to do this to me.

Gobbycop · 01/04/2020 09:35

Blimey, he sounds like a right drama llama.

Get some wall sockets that have usb outlets built in. If either of you can do basic diy they're simple to swap.

Then have a few cables always plugged in to them.

It negates the need for multiple easily lost plugs.

Tell him to grow up and get his or your toolbox out.

BlackCatSleeping · 01/04/2020 09:36

I don’t think it is about the charger per se. He had absolutely no right to speak to you like that about anything and you were absolutely right to challenge him. I think he needs a very sincere apology and to never touch your stuff again.

BlackCatSleeping · 01/04/2020 09:36

I mean give you an apology. He doesn’t deserve shit.

GreenTulips · 01/04/2020 09:37

Yep

DH used to do this.

If his now breaks he has to replace his win charger and not move mine.

They don’t get it .

Pentium85 · 01/04/2020 09:38

Ahhhh the old charger stealing

In m house, I am the charger thief. Drives DH crazy.

We have had to buy at least 15 chargers to stop it

IceKitten · 01/04/2020 09:39

Me and DH genuinely NEVER argue and we had a very similar fight about a phone charger recently! I'm totally with you OP. You need your phone charger for work and he needs to stop moving it.

IceKitten · 01/04/2020 09:41

Agree about investing in some extra chargers to stop this happening.

OldUnit · 01/04/2020 09:52

Go on eBay right now and order a couple of extra chargers, you could probably do with them anyway.

Then, make fucking sure he knows you'll never, ever be spoken to like that again.

GreenTulips · 01/04/2020 09:55

Go on eBay right now and order a couple of extra chargers, you could probably do with them anyway

OP has a charger, she doesn’t need to purchase a new charger.

Assuming her DH is a fully functioning adult who has access to a bank account and can use the internet - it HIM that needs to buy the fucking charger.

If I fancied some chocolate I don’t steal it, donI?

slipperywhensparticus · 01/04/2020 10:14

It he had a spare "you can use" then he can use that for the fire stick

TWAT

Original poster
Setyoufreee · 01/04/2020 10:16

It's just dawned on me.
Why didn't he use his own charger for the firestick? The one he was trying to pass off to me to "borrow."
What's your is mine and what's mine is mine indeed.
The cheeky little !!#*

OP posts:
TheFaerieQueene · 01/04/2020 10:20

This really isn’t about the charger. This is an abuser screaming in the face of a woman. I’m pretty sure this isn’t a one off incident. This man is terrifying his wife and children because he thinks he can. OP I hope you are able to get safely out of this situation as soon as you can. Keep safe.

BlackCatSleeping · 01/04/2020 10:22

Well, exactly. There’s no reason whatsoever why he had to use your charger when he had a charger already.

PlanDeRaccordement · 01/04/2020 10:27

Sounds like a nasty argument. Hope it was a one off brought on by the stress of being trapped in close quarters for over a week while everything goes to shit (jobs, economy, etc).

He should apologise as he was in the wrong. I don’t think you were being petty or deserved even a second of that. You needed it for your work and any income is something to protect in this environment. I would think that saying work chargers are off limits but all other chargers are family chargers and can be shared is a fair compromise.

mamansnet · 01/04/2020 10:31

I'd get a small box with a padlock for MY chargers and tell him to fuck off to the other side of fuck.

zombieapocalypseisnigh · 01/04/2020 10:38

Your DH is a selfish prick.

Imagine, prioritizing watching telly with his tv stick over you doing your actual JOB which presumably helps him enjoy his lifestyle of having a home with a telly in it. And not only that, he screamed in your face about it because you're trying trying to do your job! Wow

fucking prick.

I'd reconsider my relationship if that really is his attitude.

Shoxfordian · 01/04/2020 10:42

It sounds like he doesn't respect you very much. My dh asks to use my stuff, he doesn't just take it or move it without permission.

Is this part of a pattern of rude disrespectful behaviour?

Bunnylady54 · 01/04/2020 10:57

He called you a dickhead?! Seriously? I really hope him screaming, swearing & calling you names is out of character OP or you have a lot more to worry about than a charger 😢