Over a phone charger

[Setyoufreee]

DH takes cables, plugs and chargers from around the house for different things and it drives me insane.
I will go to charge my phone to find the cable and/or charger has been moved and used for another purpose and 9 times out of 10 DH doesn't know what purpose he used it for, so I have to try a dozen plugs and usb cables to charge my phone again.
I have asked him not to do this.
He is particularly drawn to my phone charger for my work phone which I need right now on a daily basis.
Having asked him not to mess with it anymore twice recently, I went to charge it this morning to find it had disappeared. I furiously asked where it was. He had used it to connect his firestick to the TV, so I requested he unplug it.
"No."He said.
He then appeared with a different charger, telling me I could "borrow" it.
I told him no,I wanted my original phone charger for my work phone. I am fed up of him taking all our chargers for himself to use as he wishes.
Having never been challenged over this and made to hand it back, he became enraged. Screaming at me for being ridiculous.
Saying "I can't use my fucking firestick in that TV now; the world doesn't stop because you have to work you selfish dick head!"
"It's not even your fucking charger, it's the wrong make!" His eyes were so angry, it really shook me up.
I explained that no it wasn't because HE has used my original charger for something else!
I stood my ground and said "give me my charger."
He snatched it from the TV and threw it on the bed in an absolute rage.
I am crying and physically shaking. He was screaming in my face. All with the windows open so the whole street could probably hear him.
Have I been petty to stand my ground over a bloody phone charger?
I feel physically sick after the exchange. The children could hear it all too.

God isn't this just exhausting?

It's not about the charger, but you know that.

It's about his attitude quite literally being "I can have what I want, ffs it's just a charger" while simultaneously saying "you can't have what you want, ffs it's just a charger."

What the fuck is he like when there are meaningful decisions to be made?!

I don't understand his reasoning. My Amazon firestick throws random wobblers if I don't use the original wires and has to be reset.

You'll have to keep it hidden. I know everyone is stressed and cabin fever will start getting to people's but there's no excuse for shouting in people's faces, especially when there is kids in the house.

For me, it's about the way he spoke about your work.

Does he resent you working? Telling you, basically, that your work didn't matter, his need to work his Firestick came above your need to work... I had an ex like that. He told me my work was 'just a little hobby' and only his Big Important Job was Real Work.

Keep your charger in your pocket when you're not charging your phone, and keep an eye on your phone while it's on charge. And tell him that if he speaks to you like that again, he's out.

Just keep away from the piece of shit.

And take the time to think, think, think instead.

Oh and perhaps find your actual charger, if his point seems to be that the one you had wasn't your charger, dismantle (preferably with a hammer) whichever childish piece of his own crap he's using it for, and take it back. Your charger. As he'd pointed out.

I assume that he is going to be fending for himself domestically for the foreseeable future, too. Wanker.

Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.

www.pdf-archive.com/2016/09/25/why-does-he-do-that-domestic-violence/

It's primarily about physical abuse, but you may recognise your hysband in one of the profiles.

Op

You are wrong. He is sabotaging you. He is organising for you to be incompetent.

It is not about him being reasonable. It is about him constantly proving your unreasonable.

God he really is 'What's yours is mine, and what's mine is mine' isn't he?

Or

Read, Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven

You'll find she knows very well about your world, filled his his many reasonable requests.

Lets see how many days he can sulk for.
Stop doing any laundry, bed making, cleaning,cooking for him.
Sleep in spare room
Put a chart on the fridge.
When he apologises you can decide if you want to keep living with this manchild

Having never been challenged over this and made to hand it back, he became enraged. Screaming at me for being ridiculous.
.....what I'm finding is that as soon as DH's "perfect" behaviour is challenged, that laid back, relaxed person I thought he was is a shouty, entitled selfish twat......If I took choice away from him like he does me, he would be first to have a tantrum

So it's all about power and control to him.
He's a bully.

This argument appears to be beyond his comprehension though
Oh he understands alright - he just doesn't care.
He actually goes out of his way to steal your things and has no respect for you.

He is draining of all energy, so I just have to ignore him whilst seething
That's his tactic of wearing you down so you just go along with it to 'keep the peace'....when you don't walk on eggshells keeping the peace and dare to stand up for yourself he gets even more abusive.

I don't know why you put up with it.

Yes. What pp said.

He's going out of his way to take your stuff.

Actually, I don't think so, he takes what he wants where he finds it, it's easiest to take yours because it will probably be in the same place most times, it saves having to THINK, & remember where he left his shit.

Mix56

I hope you are right.

My xh was mean, his bad behaviour was well thought out.

Mumsnet is baffling at the moment.

Normally: man shouts and swears at and bullies wife, puts his needs above hers (TV vs work) = LTB, he's an abuser

Now: it's cabin fever, buy yourself some extra chargers (so as not to disturb the peace)

OP, hide/repurpose his pillows or all of his socks or his toothbrush tonight and see how he likes it. Maybe use his phone charger as a tiny skipping rope, or a hair tie?

@thecatschampagne I know, it's appalling . So much victim blaming.

I was thinking about him last night - (am in Aus) His behaviour reminds me of my kids when they were little and hoarded bandaids for some bizarre reason. Each of them had a weird fascination with them. One had a strange fascination with rubber bands. I think they were about four at the time, and it’s a normal behavioral stage for THAT age
group. Unlike your bloke, they got over it. (They also stopped tantrums around then too, btw...)

I had similar with dh and I lost it. Screamed at him. Over staples of all things. He's been better since. But he was pretty baffled and needed explaining to him why my staples were so important to me.

"I can't use my fucking firestick in that TV now; the world doesn't stop because you have to work you selfish dick head!"

Verbal abuse calculated to make you feel like rubbish. The moving of your charger all the time is goady shit. He knows he's doing it, bonus points for making you anxious about work + ensuring your children and neighbours heard him speak to you like that. It's all about negging you and making you feel small

Entitled bastard. There's nothing you can say to him, he is ignorant and won't listen, so just hide your charger. I bet he starts with something else

One day I hope you tell him to get the fuck out

@thecatschampagne I totally agree. The guy left her shaking and crying. How’s that acceptable? Why should that somehow be swept under the carpet and ignored as though it never happened? It did happen. He got away with it. If he does that another couple of times it will be his ‘go to’ reaction. Not acceptable.

Have you asked him why he couldn't use the charger he was trying to pass to you?

Sounds like he's trying to control you. May e even hinder you... preventing you to work etc

He sounds awful. I'd ltb.

Yes I agree too carschsmpagne

Cats champagne even.

I'm losing it.
Still no apology and stuck in the house together.
Wrote him a letter explaining I wasn't tolerating his behaviour anymore. I've asked him to work on himself and his inclination to want to take my power away or leave. I have told him when I intend to leave him if he doesn't leave first, something I have been planning.
He didn't acknowledge the letter but had read it. Took DCs for a walk and DH came along to help, DC2 stepped into the road without looking- a busy dangerous road. I wiped the floor with DC2 by shouting loudly, made him cry- Partly out of fear myself and partly to make him realise he can not do that.
DH thinks it's then a good idea to undermine me and say "there's no need to shout at him." The person who shouts all the time!
And I lost it. Stormed home. Threw a shoe at DH as he walked through the door and then left for an hour to clear my head.
He is a master tormentor and will now feel glad that he's a victim in all this and I'm some crazy, violent psycho woman.
I knew I'd lose it eventually after him not acknowledging his behaviour with the phone charger, I knew he would push my buttons and tip me over the edge so I'd become a crazy shouting mess. So now I feel horrible and want to crumble. How do I survive being stuck in isolation with HIM?!

Start making calls, OP. Find a lawyer, get your ducks in a row.

He's told you by his actions then he won't apologise or change.

If you stay with he knows he can continue as it or escalate.