Over a phone charger

[Setyoufreee]

DH takes cables, plugs and chargers from around the house for different things and it drives me insane.
I will go to charge my phone to find the cable and/or charger has been moved and used for another purpose and 9 times out of 10 DH doesn't know what purpose he used it for, so I have to try a dozen plugs and usb cables to charge my phone again.
I have asked him not to do this.
He is particularly drawn to my phone charger for my work phone which I need right now on a daily basis.
Having asked him not to mess with it anymore twice recently, I went to charge it this morning to find it had disappeared. I furiously asked where it was. He had used it to connect his firestick to the TV, so I requested he unplug it.
"No."He said.
He then appeared with a different charger, telling me I could "borrow" it.
I told him no,I wanted my original phone charger for my work phone. I am fed up of him taking all our chargers for himself to use as he wishes.
Having never been challenged over this and made to hand it back, he became enraged. Screaming at me for being ridiculous.
Saying "I can't use my fucking firestick in that TV now; the world doesn't stop because you have to work you selfish dick head!"
"It's not even your fucking charger, it's the wrong make!" His eyes were so angry, it really shook me up.
I explained that no it wasn't because HE has used my original charger for something else!
I stood my ground and said "give me my charger."
He snatched it from the TV and threw it on the bed in an absolute rage.
I am crying and physically shaking. He was screaming in my face. All with the windows open so the whole street could probably hear him.
Have I been petty to stand my ground over a bloody phone charger?
I feel physically sick after the exchange. The children could hear it all too.

Seriously, can you leave?

This could go on for a long time. It's impossible for you and obviously not good for your kids.

Parents?

Anyone that you know with an empty property?

Obviously if you do go, take or take pictures of any relevant financial info etc.

Don't think - 'I can't, lockdown' or 'I can't, parents are 300 miles away.' You can, if there is abuse. And you probably should think of it.

But don't beat yourself up about being any 'crazy shouting mess' - who cares what he might think? If he says a single word, turn it back on him. 'That's exactly what I would expect you to say. It wouldn't occur to you that a normal, supportive and loving partner would be horrified that they'd upset their partner so much. Gloat away, every single response you come up with is just underlining more and more what an absolutely vomit-inducing individual you are.'

You survive by changing your behaviour. Personal experience.

As long as he can influence your behaviour he has power. Take it away. His opinion of you is meaningless. His behaviour is meaningless. Start by faking it, get a bunch of stock responses that mean nothing and use them.

There’s no need to shout - mm hmm
Etc etc.

Unfortunately I think you gave away your power this time when you threw the shoe. I think you need to be much smarter about this. Time to go around the house and grab ALL of the bloody cords, etc. His firestick, etc, any little bit of computer jiggery pokery that is so vitally important - you take it. Put it in a plastic container and hide it with the laundry bits or cleaning equipment. He won’t look there for them. You need to be an oasis of zen because he is going to lose his shit.

Treat him like an awkward relative you have to work round.

Uh huh, mm hmm, that’s your choice.

Give him nothing.

I don’t recommend antagonising him at all.

Zen. For you. Vague look and continue doing whatever you need to do around him. Include him in obvious stuff. Get your goddamn halo on and be above reproach.

So DH, would you like to plan how we split the children/household tasks this week? We don’t want to be trying to do the same things. This is when I’m working.

Be utterly utterly reasonable.

Omg. I used to be you. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to not live with someone who behaves like that.

Oh, dear. This is not good. Did you read the Why Does He Do That? book yet? It will help.