Massively overstepped the mark with colleague

[BlackCatFan]

I wondered if I could have some advice. I've never been in this situation before.
I started a new job recently, it's well paid (for me) and I tried very hard to get it. Was pleased when I was offered it.

I started with three other new people. One of the guys I sort of noticed, he was generally friendly with me. I thought nothing of it.

We went on a training course and while we had some free time we ended up getting chatting. Turns out we have a great deal in common, especially music which is my thing. He what's app'd me a playlist he'd made. Didn't think much of it, thought I'd made a new friend which I was happy about.

One Friday afternoon we had a long chat about all sorts. I saw him talking to another colleague and as soon as I entered the room he cut the chat short and walked straight to my desk. That night he what's apped me and talked about weekend plans. Nothing weird.

A lot has happened in one week and we ended up flirting which has moved on to full on sexting. Including images......

I like him, and I tried to pull back but I wasn't strong enough. I genuinely think it will be ok at work as long as I'm professional and mature but I still worry about my job

I've looked up some policies and it looks like it's ok to have a work relationship as long as it doesn't disrupt work.

Equally I'm worried he just sees me as a shag

Does anyone have any thoughts on what I should do? Thank you

Equally I’m worried he just sees me as a shag

Well you did send him a photo of your fanjo. What were you expecting him to see you as, following that?

Sending to images to someone at work that you have only flirted with - yuck... unprofessional and yuck

You have done it so have to live with it now.

If you are off sick and you both really like each other keep on messaging. When the rules relax why not just see how it goes..

I didn't really understand the bit 'he might see me as a shag' when you send images and I understand he did too - it suggests that you are both up for a shag.

Omg I didn't send him a Fanjo pic 😖 !

Should I quit the job?

Why can't you date when we're not on lockdown?

No, don't quit the job.

What I mean is, we would have had a night out had it not been for the virus.

My understanding is all bars are closed, not allowed to visit houses and we have to social distance. So I can't see a way around it..

Let’s hope he doesn’t share the photos with his mates.

You don’t need to resign. But I would restrain from sending anymore intimate photos.

I bet he can’t believe his luck.

Maybe I should clarify; he did share an intimate image of himself however I sent a photo of my tattoos which are on my feet. Ugh I feel stupid now.

@SirGawain oh duh!!! 🤦‍♀️

I don't know why that didn't occur to me? (Cabin fever?)

Supersange the UK is in lockdown?

Both single I assume? If so, no problem.

Would be careful with your creative shots tho. You don't know him well enough to trust him and it could be the case that these are being shared with colleagues (or anyone else) and that would be awkward.

Don't quit your job Are you still talking a lot? Does it feel like it will develop into a relationship? If yes, that's a positive.
I'd step back from the sexting and definitely no more pics. Slow down and see where it goes when lockdown ends.

Don't quit the job. You aren't the first and you won't be the last person to do this. Whilst sending photos isn't something I would do, I have friends who have done it. As PP have said, you are both two consenting adults.

So you tried something new.
Hold your head up high, and breathe deeply.

You never know what will happen. It could lead to something good, who knows?

Just your feet? He's probably got more to worry about if he's sent dick pics.

You don’t need to avoid dates with him.
You don’t need to rush.
When this madness is over, go out for drinks or dinner, get to know him, do not rush into sex with him. Make sure he respects you.

All this anguish and hand-wringing over pictures of your feet? Ffs. 🙄

He probably has Scorpion. It was a risk for him.. I'm not the sort of person to share images around though.
Ive not experienced this kind of thing for some years.

It's not the feet pic. It's the context of the chat

so You didn’t send sexual images?

When you wrote A lot has happened in one week and we ended up flirting which has moved on to full on sexting. Including images...... It kind of read like you had.

Thank your lucky stars. As said before cut down on the sexting, etc until you know him.

I’m not intending to shame you. Just trying to stop you from being made a fool of. You don’t know him.

Oh ffs? feet ???

When he has sent you dick pics?

I’d be avoiding him permanently for that. He doesn’t know you either.

OP, definitely don't quit your job. Calm down, don't worry and don't send him any compromising photos of yourself going forward, you don't know this man well enough. It sounds like he sent a much more revealing photo than you anyway. Just stay in touch and arrange a date for when this nightmare is over.

I would normally roll my eyes if I read a professional woman ended up sexting a work colleague that she's not even dating, but these are completely unique circumstances and no point in being judgemental.

Good luck, hope it works out for you both 👌😉

Yes maybe I should have been clearer - he sent a pic, but we also have tattoos so I shared a pic of my feet for that reason. He didn't specifically ask for an intimate image from me.

I do sort of feel like a fool.

Make light of it with him if he wants to keep in contact over this time- say 'whoah we should probably calm down a bit until a time we can see each in RL in the future...'
'so lets just chat and have a laugh and share music.'

It's not necessarily the disaster everyone here is making out, you obviously have a connection and it's easy for that to get quickly out of hand with the false sense of intimacy social media can give.

The next few weeks could actually be a really nice time, while you get to know each other, help each pass the time and hopefully have a laugh together.

After that you could see how it goes in real life when things are back to normal.

OR he was just up for virtual sex/kicks and will disappear, in which case you'll feel some embarrassment, but it's not the end of the world, you've done nothing wrong, hold your head up, brazen it out, and learn the lesson.