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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bf smokes weed and watches conspiracy theories all day every day..

109 replies

Mouse2020 · 27/03/2020 12:12

Hi everyone I'm new here and looking for some advice. I'm 28 and my OH is 30. We have been together 6 years and took a year break in 2018. I work full time and my OH doesn't work.

So since getting back together things were rocky small arguements and bickering etc. In this past year my OH has got himself into the conspiracy theory world which I'm not against, but he also smokes alot of weed. Every day all day just watching vids and smoking weed.
It bothered me when he started giving up jobs very quickly hes been back here living together for a year and had 3 jobs.. all not lasting more than 2 months or a few weeks... which I said to him I'd rather he takes time to find a job that he really wants so he sticks at it then something he hates and keeps quitting. (Ideally I'd like him to work till he finds a dream job as I'm doing but I highly doubt it)
A few weeks after quitting his last job he became a recluse. He has his own bedroom where he will sit and smoke weed and watch these awful awful videos about the illuminati and so on. I mean some of this is really grim stuff.
I am not against conspiracy theorists but it's like hes been hypnotized 😔

He doesnt talk about normal life anymore, doesnt want to even try to get a job because "theres more serious things going on in the world". He doesnt sleep in our bed anymore as hes up all night watching these videos, hes moody and mean with his words.
Its got so hard lately to be around him as all he wants to talk about is how all the celebs are statanists etc and they eat people. Now I'm a very sensitive person and I have very bad anxiety which I've had since I can remember and i have told him i dont want to know a million times as i can never get what he says out of my head (all the bad stuff).

So after months and months of this I finally said right I'll watch a video with you I'll support you in your new world of this and try to understand it.
So we did.. all 2 and a half hours of constant information bashing anyone thats famous. Talking about spirit cooking (that was shocking) and people torturing children and killing them. I felt completely exhausted after watching just 1 of these extremely intense videos..
I thought to myself how on earth does he do this all day every day!!?? I'd be going crazy.

So what do I do now?

I work all the time, I pay for everything even his weed and cigarettes! Yet I get hurled abuse and get called names daily.. ( I'm a sheep - will say that in my face shouting sheep sheep sheep. When I tell him to go away hes like no it's my living room what you gunna do.. he calls me a cunt and a bitch. The list is endless..)
What happened to the man I first got with?? He never used to be like this fiery yes hes irish I love his fiery personality but this is beyond firey it's starting to feel like I cant speak, i cant say anything without me being in the wrong and i can never criticize him or bring up things hes called me and tell him I'm upset. He just plays it off like oh here we go again the victim etc..

I really dont know what to do anymore.

Help 😔

OP posts:
gypsywater · 27/03/2020 12:14

That sounds so hard. Can I ask why he doesnt work? How does he support himself?

gypsywater · 27/03/2020 12:15

Also he needs to go. You'll be so much better off alone.

BubblesBuddy · 27/03/2020 12:16

Leave him, obviously. He’s a nutter! Why watch this awful stuff with him. His world isn’t for normal people and it’s up to him what he does now. But you should get out.

category12 · 27/03/2020 12:18

I think you need to take a step back emotionally and accept that your partner has some massive issues going on. That you are enabling.

You need to read up about co-dependence.

His paranoia and apparent mental health issues are fed by his weed habit and choice of topic.

I think you should leave him.

Louise000000 · 27/03/2020 12:22

I left my marriage to a weed smoker last year and a keen conspiracy theory fan too. Can't express how free I feel now, it not only clouded his brain but also his emotions, his views on the world, his moods etc
For a class B drug its toxic!!
Get out before you are married or with kids is my advice, I left trapped for years in my marriage

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 27/03/2020 12:25

What happened to the man I first got with??

He doesn't exist. That was a role he played to suck you in.

Why are you with this clown? Wait til he goes to see his dealer then lock the door and don't let him back. Imagine how much more money you'll have without him draining your pockets...

Pinkerpellosa · 27/03/2020 12:26

This relationship is not good for you. I don't know what him being Irish has to do with it though. Are Irish people supposed to be fiery?

  1. they're not
  2. ... I don't have a second point.

Bad relationship. Ditch him

AgentProvocateur · 27/03/2020 12:30

Do you really need to ask what you should do? Get rid of the abusive cocklodger obviously. .

curiouslypacific · 27/03/2020 12:38

Shouting in your face and calling you names is abusive, not to mention that he's not contributing financially and leeching off you to fund his addictions. That feeling of walking on eggshells, not being allowed to be upset or mention when he treats you badly - that's a strong sign of a toxic relationship.

You can't turn an abusive man back into the guy you fell in love with. That man doesn't exist, it was a mask he wore to suck you into this waking nightmare. Let go of the dream he sold you, and judge this relationship on how it is right now. This isn't right or normal - it isn't even about the weed and conspiracy shite, his fundamental attitude towards you is disgusting.

Breakups hurt, but your life will be so much better in the long run without this man dragging you down. Love isn't enough if there isn't respect and kindness too. fuck this waster off and go live your best life.

Roussette · 27/03/2020 12:39

So.... you're living with someone you have to pay everything for. Bills, fags, his drugs, keeping the house etc.
In return he shouts abuse at you continually, calling you a cunt, shouting in your face.
In this place you live, he has his own room and isolates himself whilst he watches batshitcrazy crap on the internet. Then insists you watch it with him... and he subjects you to images of torture.

You have mentioned absolutely nothing in your post that he does for you, nothing kind, nothing nice. Anyone who can treat another human being like he treats you, deserves nothing from you.

He's got you where he wants you hasn't he? You pay for absolutely everything and he can abuse you whenever he likes.

No idea about your housing situation. Personally, I would (if it's his house) pack my stuff up and move out when he's in a weed induced fog and never contact him again
or
if it's your house, pack his stuff up, and change the locks and completely block him.
There is no reason you should tell him why. He forfeited that courtesy because of how he's treating you.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/03/2020 12:40

What on earth are you doing wasting your life like this? You know exactly what to do. Kick him out TODAY.

UYScuti · 27/03/2020 12:41

Why would anyone stay in a situation like this?

UYScuti · 27/03/2020 12:43

He's deliberately spending his life in a stoned rabbit hole, if that's what he wants to do you can't stop him but you don't have to go along with him.

ginghamstarfish · 27/03/2020 12:44

If it's your house, get him out, if it's his, you leave. Not the best time to do it OP, and hope you can sort it out, but really life shouldn't be like that. Get out of this and get on with your life. It's better to be single than with someone like that.

ErickBroch · 27/03/2020 12:45

Make him an ex? why are you staying? you won't change him so leave him

maa1992 · 27/03/2020 12:46

Leave him

AnotherEmma · 27/03/2020 12:46

Wow, what a catch. An abusive unemployed stoner. I'm less interested in him, though, and more interested in you. Why on earth are you putting up with it? Why are your standards and self esteem so low? Were you treated badly as a child?

pippong · 27/03/2020 12:49

Kick him out before you have kids.

My "partner" is just like your bf. Life will just get harder. And he will spend money on his drugs before food for you all. Like my partner has now done.

Cocolapew · 27/03/2020 12:50

He's not fiery, he's a cocklodging wanker.
Bin him.

UYScuti · 27/03/2020 12:52

You're not saying much OP?

Teateaandmoretea · 27/03/2020 12:56

So what do I do now?

At the risk of stating the obvious you dump him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Poppi89 · 27/03/2020 13:03

You need to break up with him and get him to move out asap - not just for your own health but for his as well!

He is too far gone to care about his own or your mental health but you're not so you need to do what's best for you both. After he's gone it may be weird at first but I bet as soon as you've had no contact with him for a while you will realise how much better you feel.

AfterSchoolWorry · 27/03/2020 13:09

You've got yourself a cocklodger there OP.

Why are you allowing this leech to parasite off you? Kick him out.

SallyWD · 27/03/2020 13:12

Leave.

BentNeckLady · 27/03/2020 13:16

is it your house or his? Depending on the answer - kick him out or leave.

He sounds repulsive.

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