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Original poster

Would you end your relationship over this?

102 replies

themare · 27/03/2020 11:43

If you found out that your husband had downloaded a Tinder account and had messaged a number of different women on a number of different dates asking to meet up? He has said I am overreacting because he did not really meet up with anyone and he only did it because he has been feeling lonely and feels that I am a million miles away.

OP posts:
Chocolate123 · 27/03/2020 11:45

Yes

Shoxfordian · 27/03/2020 11:45

Yes, he would be my ex husband
Don't tolerate that shit op

Original poster
themare · 27/03/2020 11:45

I found this out a few days ago and have not spoken to him since which is very hard given that I am stuck in the house with him. He said I am being unreasonable and acting like a child and although I know it is him in the wrong I feel guilty

OP posts:
AlexaCrowe · 27/03/2020 11:47

Yes because of these things... I assume he said he’d be faithful and he lied. How do you know him saying it was only messages isn’t also a lie? Why does he think you’d be ok with him messaging women on dating sites? If he was planning to never meet up with women on DATING sites, was he just stringing them along for his own entertainment? Why does he think you’d want to be married to someone who does that? Would he be ok with you ‘just messaging’ men on a dating site?

Sorry this has happened to you Flowers

AlexaCrowe · 27/03/2020 11:48

He’s the one acting like a child. ‘Oh I’m being ignored I’ll do something I shouldn’t to get attention’.

Palavah · 27/03/2020 11:52

Probably

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/03/2020 11:53

Yes

Showmeyourhero · 27/03/2020 11:54

Big fat YES!

IceKitten · 27/03/2020 11:56

He says you're acting like a child? How would he react if you were arranging to meet random men?

cakeandchampagne · 27/03/2020 11:56

Yes.

Cambionome · 27/03/2020 11:59

Yes. Without a doubt.

How would you ever trust him again?

hellsbellsmelons · 27/03/2020 12:00

Yes - that is cheating, plain and simple.
He lied. He's on dating sites. How do you know he hasn't met up with anyone? Because HE says so? Well you know what sort of man he is now so why would you believe that anyway?

How would he like it if you were messages multiple men and asking to meet up with them? Would that be OK?
STOP feeling guilty.
HE is fucking fuck wit!
Do you have DC together?

Original poster
themare · 27/03/2020 12:04

I knew the passcode to his phone so read all the messages and all of them were just at the stage of arranging to meet, although one was when he was abroad for work and he sent a message to a woman telling her what hotel he was at and had she agreed and gone there I cannot see how they would not have slept together. No children but we have only been married for a year, I feel totally sick.

OP posts:
NigellaAwesome · 27/03/2020 12:08

Yes, I would leave him.

Hard at the moment, but can you get a STD test? I would also ensure your contraception is failsafe (not that I would think you would be sleeping with him anyway).

He's doing this after just a year of marriage, and none of the stressors such as young children? He will never change, and it will just get worse. Get out whilst you can.

Wearywithteens · 27/03/2020 12:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

inmyshedsmoking2000 · 27/03/2020 12:10

If you have no kids this really is good for you. Might not feel like it but phew! Get rid! X

Sexnotgender · 27/03/2020 12:10

Yes.

25MinutesSinceLastTime · 27/03/2020 12:11

I found out similar about my ex husband.

I kicked him out the same day.

We have 2 children.

I later discovered he was having an affair with someone at work.

His reason? My dad was dying and he felt neglected.

Bless...

cosmicbabe · 27/03/2020 12:12

How the hell would he meet up with any of his matches in the current climate anyway? What a tw@t.

Yes dump him...

Mylittlepony374 · 27/03/2020 12:12

Yes. I would make him leave. Fuck that, you're worth so much more. So sorry for you.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 27/03/2020 12:14

Yes. Even more so because of the sheer stupidity of his "I am overreacting because he did not really meet up with anyone and he only did it because he has been feeling lonely and feels that I am a million miles away" response. I mean, come on, you've been caught out and this is all you can come up with? I couldn't stay with anyone that fucking stupid even if I was OK with the cheating aspect.

maggiecate · 27/03/2020 12:16

Double yes - for the cheating and for the way he's minimising and making out you're over-reacting. Gaslighting 101 there. Does he do that sort of thing a lot?

Get out now before he gets you completely messed up. You deserve better than this tosspot.

OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe · 27/03/2020 12:23

Absolutely

Original poster
themare · 27/03/2020 12:24

Thanks everyone. I know this will sound as pathetic as hell but his actions have made me feel so unattractive. I am walking around in my pjs as have nowhere to go and I feel so frumpy and like he is just counting down the days until I leave so he can be free to meet other women. I feel like a burden which I know is bloody ridiculous. Just rejected and lost

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 27/03/2020 12:27

I'm sorry OP.

Why do you have to leave? Why can't he leave? (when the lockdown is over obviously)