Would you end your relationship over this?

[themare]

If you found out that your husband had downloaded a Tinder account and had messaged a number of different women on a number of different dates asking to meet up? He has said I am overreacting because he did not really meet up with anyone and he only did it because he has been feeling lonely and feels that I am a million miles away.

Nah, you've got that all wrong. He's a twat and you deserve better.

I felt like I'd totally lost myself and spent 6 months working on myself - happy to PM you if you want to tell you what I did but it would be a bit long for the thread xx

No, go have a shower. Do some self care. It'll act as self soothing. Journal everything. Writing it down well help you process it. Write him a letter in the journal ranting everything you want to say to him.
Then get researching and planning your divorce.....

No children but we have only been married for a year
Wow - he really is a fucking sleaze isn't he!?
This is NOT you OP!
This is all him.
No doubt he's always done this crap but you've only just found out.
I totally understand the feeling frumpy and unattractive.
But... please do not allow this low life scumbag to bring you down like this.
This is all a reflection on HIM and not you!

Only a year married OP - this is now a total no-brainer.
Get away from him as quickly as you can.
He will drag you down further if you stay with him.
And having a kids with a man like this!!???? Just no.
What a fucking hideous male role model he would be.

Be very glad you found out now OP.
Well done on digging and finding all this.
Now make your plans while you have the time.

Sending ((((HUGS)))) and

What is it with these men that cross the line and then get angry that you are upset and suggest your over reacting and place all attention onto you.

You have done nothing wrong, you are not acting like a child...do not feel guilty

Yes. I’d leave him. At least I hope I would.

he only did it because he has been feeling lonely and feels that I am a million miles away

Aw you were neglecting him, you were unavailable, distant, not connecting ... It's actually your fault/failing.

Because if you're a decent faithful partner to someone, you don't talk to them about it and try to resolve it repeatedly, and if it doesn't get resolved with peserverence/ several attempts .. separate from them.
No, you don't do that, instead as a reasonable, decent, committed, faithful partner; you register on dating sites and communicate with people looking to meet someone for anything from sex to a relationship and make arrangements to meet them.

Are you also allowed to go in dating sites, chat to other men, and make arrangements to meet them (if you're feeling he's distant obviously)?

Op I'm really sorry but I think that if he hadn't actually/truly cheated already, he seems the type of person to do so sooner or later, he'll.just hide it better next time (after lying low for a while).

Plus he's a c*nt for messing people who.are genuinely looking for a partner. At best he's wasting their time and taking the piss out of them. At worst he's dra omg them i.to a cheating situation that they're probably unaware of, he's probably presented himself as single.

STI check, divorce him, meet the man of your dreams (who would NOT cheat on you), then have children

do not get pregnant with this moron

Yes 100% such an arsehole and then trying to make out you shouldn't be upset.
Get rid now, be thankful you found out before you had kids and start your life again.

I honestly think I would try to forgive an actual drunken infidelity before I forgave this (depending on the circumstances of course)! It's the fact that he's actively looking for it. Who cares if he hasn't actually done anything yet? He would have if they'd wanted to!

I totally agree CatSmize.

“I’m really desperately sorry, I got completely pissed and snogged someone I’ll never see again” is potentially forgivable.

“I went deliberately looking for a shag outside of marriage/committed relationship and I’m blaming you for it” Utterly unforgivable. Divorce the shit.

Bet he wouldnt be happy if you were the one on tinder

I think there are stones in the Great pyramid at Giza that are younger than the lines he's trying to use on you.

You are lucky you have no kids with him.

Btw almost every time there a distraught woman in here - with kids - finding our her DH has cheated/is cheating etc. - she'll drop.jnto her posts at done point that she forgave something like this earlier in their relationship.

*some point

So sorry OP. Really terrible thing to find out and beyond awful to be stuck in same house as him now.
It would be the end for me. You dont have kids so you can walk away eventually, and never have to see him again.
He is a cheat. It's about him and that has nothing to do with you.
Good luck

I would tell him to leave, you need time to process this and work out an exit plan

Yes, without a doubt it would be over. And dont kind him minimising it and calling you childish. His intention is to make you also think this is nothing. It absolutely isn't nothing.

Yes I would separate over this because it is so preplanned and he WILL do it again.

Cheating after one year. How vile he is

Keep some self respect and do what's right

As to your self esteem - cheaters gonna cheat.

If being beautiful and well groomed assured you of never being cheated on, Halle Berry, Kylie Minogue, Elin Nordegrin, Kelly Brook, Liberty Ross, Bridget Monaghan, Elizabeth Hurley etc etc etc would t have been cheated on.

It says lots about the cheater, not the cheat-ee.

Yes it would be over for me.

He’s met someone at a hotel and been trying to meet others on a hook up/sex app.

I’d get an std check and contact a solicitor.

Absolutely Yes.

Respect and trust gone - no coming back from this.

So sorry you're going through this OP. He definitely had every intention of cheating (and quite probably did) which is definite grounds for divorce in my book. Not sure you could ever get past it and I have no doubt he would do it again. I know it's really hard at the moment but please make plans to leave (or kick him out) as soon as you can. And remember this is all him. Dpnt let him make you think you have done anything wrong 💐

Yes

He's setting up dates on Tinder but you feel guilty?

Just read that back to yourself OP. Does that seem reasonable....really?

My ex is exactly like your husband. messaging women but claiming it wasn’t cheating as he never met them. It was my fault as I didn’t give him enough attention (I was pregnant and then had a newborn)
Anyway, we split up end of last year and I feel amazing for it! Randomly, last night he asked me if I was cheating on him during our relationship as I didn’t pay him any attention. Men are weird! Get rid OP

Oh god yes