Would you end your relationship over this?

[themare]

If you found out that your husband had downloaded a Tinder account and had messaged a number of different women on a number of different dates asking to meet up? He has said I am overreacting because he did not really meet up with anyone and he only did it because he has been feeling lonely and feels that I am a million miles away.

Yes definitely! The intention was there, how could you ever trust him again?

Absolutely

What he's done is much worse than a drunken encounter or even getting too close to a colleague etc in my view, not that I think those things are ok either, but because it's a planned and calculated intention to cheat. Can't he leave instead of you? Whoever leaves, don't think about him counting down the days, you should be the one counting down the days until you get rid of him.

Absolutely would end it. The intent was there and you will never trust him again. Even if he did his best to make things right it will never feel enough for you

Yuk. Married less than a year? And no kids? He's vile.

I've been on dating sites and a few men have tries it on who were with a partner and some blatantly put that they are married.

Absolutely yes!! How can you trust this man?!?

Tinder is a dating/shagging site! No good can come of this!!

I find MN a bit over the top but on this one absolutely yes

Get shot of this disrespectful prick, you're worth so much more

In general? Not necessarily.

When you've been married a YEAR? Hell yes.

His opinion of your behaviour is as reliable as the rest of what he says. If he felt distant from you, there were ways to try and heal that. Attention from other women on Tinder is a novel way of accessing marital support.

Married a year and no children? It's a really clear case of getting rid.

What's your housing and job situation like? Are you both at home all the time now?

Big fat yes from me too.

And his response - tell you you're acting like a child.

Tell him to fuck off.

You get one life pet, do you really want him as your partner through to old age?

Absolutely.!! Get rid

It's already over and it's good you found out now.

Hell yes.

Yes I would leave him... he is a disgusting lying cheating creep.... OP you deserve better

Yes, that would be a deal breaker for me.

I repeat a pp response of "how would he feel if you were on Tinder?"

He obviously has no respect for you .He will have even less if you cave in

Yes I would leave him, or make him leave. Either way it would be game over for me. Definitely the intention was there. If he met up with someone its likely they did sleep together. I'm sorry. Hope you find the strength to do what you want.

Yes op, I’m sorry, I can’t differentiate between the intention to cheat, and not doing so only becomes someone says no and actually cheating. It’s likely he has to be fair already.

It doesn’t sound like his behaviour is doing your mental health any good, and his blaming you and insulting you isn’t ok.

I’m sorry but you need to end it, because he won’t stop and you’ll live your life checking up on him, knowing, and looking over your shoulder. You’ll end up a wreck, what you feel like now will be nothing in comparison.

I’m sorry, but when this is over you need to leave or he does.

I think you should break your silence just long enough to tell him that he is a worthless piece of shit who is now officially a STBXH, then grey rock for the duration of the lockdown while focusing on YOUR self-care and YOUR brilliant future. As PP have said, this is not about any deficiency in you, it’s only about his immaturity and self-absorption.

You might find that this is the tip of the iceberg. The problem you've got, whether he actually met anyone or not is that he's already justified it to himself.....he's given himself permission to do this for whatever reason and he's actively looking elsewhere. He's checking out of your relationship. You can move on from this but only if he puts all his cards on the table and you get to reasons why he's doing this.

In a heartbeat.
He actually planned to cheat on you, he was actively looking for hookups. That level of contempt for you is not something it's possible to recover from.

Yes

Why wouldn’t you?

Fine he hasn’t met up with them (yet)
But what exactly was he doing? Helping your marriage? Respecting you? Giving you his time and energy? Benefiting the family? Caring for you, his wife? Following his marriage vows?
Was it any of those things that he was doing or was hoping the outcome may be?

Obviously not.

Why do you feel like a burden though? Do you work? Whose name is the house in? Do you rent or own? Are you reliant on him in some way?

Also lockdown or no lockdown
He can gtfo of the house.
He’s got a friend or family or colleague or something somewhere that isn’t vulnerable.
He can go there

How dare he make out you’re childish and it’s on you.
He literally downloaded an app to cheat on his wife and told women where they could find him, for sex.