Just for some context: My boyfriend and I have been together for three years since we were 16, and we're 19 now. Our relationship hasn't been without some very rough periods and scenarios, and I have thought about breaking up with him on numerous occasions, but never had the 'final straw' moment. He has tendencies to be quite emotionally manipulative and invasive of personal boundaries, I've raised those issues with him over time and we've worked through most of them, although he does sometimes slip back into old habits. He also has a tendency to react to situations that he doesn't like with threats or manipulation, which, if he ever does now, I tell him that he is doing and he tends to calm down. I would say that he tries his best and that I've grown stronger as a person and I can quickly identify these negative behaviours, so tend to no longer put myself into situations that would trigger these reactions from him.
A lot of our issues, in my opinion, was that I liked my space, I liked spending time on my own, and could go long periods of time without seeing him. I also struggle with social anxiety and I have always found going to his house (his parents') really unnerving and would have to get myself worked up for it. His extended family are a whole other matter, and I've always felt like they find me a bit odd and really don't like me. I could be wrong, but they've never come across as particularly warm or inviting. Therefore, over time I've also come to avoid situations that involve them, I probably see them around once a year, which to me is normal (we're talking about Cousins, Second Cousins and Aunts and Uncles, not Grandparents). His parents have always been nice to me, and (as far as I'm aware) I think that they like me, but they're not particularly expressive and I sometimes think that they behave in ways that they think are appropriate, rather than in a warm or welcoming way. I don't mind them, I do find them to be a bit judgemental and controlling sometimes, but nothing that has ever been unbearable, and they have always made an effort.
The issue: I now haven't seen them since September, and I have a lot of guilt about it. But, I equally can't seem to be able to work out what the issue is. Just for some more context, my boyfriend is at University and lives around two hours away by train from me (I'm still at home with my parents), he comes home during the holidays, but we have gotten into the pattern of him coming and staying at my house for (a few nights or a week at a time) throughout the holidays. We don't really tend to go out or do fun things anymore. I really don't think he minds, he decides when he wants to come and go, I don't put any pressure on him, and honestly he never really invites me round to his house anymore (he knows that I tend to get quite anxious). There has been a few (like three or four) occasions where his parents have asked me out for dinner (indirectly, through my boyfriend) that I haven't been able to attend for genuine reasons, over the past six months. I always feel guilty when I can't go, because I know that they're making an effort, but equally, I always feel a bit annoyed with myself for feeling guilty, because they don't ask if or when I'm free, or ever communicate with me directly (unless they're texting to say thank you for a birthday present or something). They tend to just book a restaurant of their choice for a day that they choose, and then ask me if I can go. I guess it doesn't feel very 'adult' and it feels a bit like it should work both ways. Similarly, I've had a lot going on in my family life over the past six months. My Mum has been pretty ill and has had four lots of surgery since September, and has been off sick from work for the entire period, and has been stuck at home for months at a time. I've been at home with her most of the time, and have essentially been her carer, and ran the house. I also worked over the Christmas period and didn't really have any spare time with that and my mum being in the hospital around Christmas. Honestly, I've felt emotionally drained and like I've not had the energy to put myself into situations that I find anxious, and have probably become agoraphobic.
I suppose I can't work out if I should be feeling guilty or not. I can't work out whether these life circumstances are a reason or a justification, or whether this is a surface-level symptom of a deeper problem, whether with my boyfriend or his family or I don't know what. I know that this can't carry on forever, and I desperately don't want to cause offence because I'm in for the long haul I think, and I can't stand the idea of people not liking me. I could just do with some advice and words of wisdom with this whole issue, about whether this is serious, if I'm being silly. I'm wondering whether the issue could be communication, after all, I don't really know what my boyfriend tells them or how much they know of my current life circumstances. Help and advice, please.