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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DP Celebrity Crush

92 replies

Confuzzled123 · 22/03/2020 06:06

Hi,

I wonder if I am overreacting due to general stress at the moment but my DP is really annoying me.

I’m currently going through therapy due to past bullying issues which have left me with low self esteem. My self esteem was also compounded by my DP telling me that I was average looking.

Over the past week he has developed a celebrity crush. It’s ridiculous. He won’t stop going on about how beautiful she is. I asked him not to talk about how beautiful she is but he has just ignored this.

I understand that he will find other women attractive- that’s normal. I just don’t want it shoved down my throat all the time when I’ve asked him not to.

He is watching a tv programme she is in on the Netflix I pay for (we don’t live together). He messaged me last night again to tell me about how good looking she is.

Is this normal behaviour and AIBU to be upset by this?

Thanks for any advice.

Also, I know this is trivia compared to what is happening in the world right now but it’s upsetting me. Apologies if this offends anyone - that’s not my intention.

OP posts:

MashedSpud · 22/03/2020 06:27

Is he a teenager?

It’s not abnormal to find a celebrity attractive but to be going on about it to you and messaging you about her is weird and immature.

He’s either trying to put you off him or he has zero clue how to keep his partner happy.

BitOfFun · 22/03/2020 06:31

What does he say when you tell him "Stop fucking talking about her, you sad twat?"

heyday · 22/03/2020 06:31

Find yourself a hot celebrity crush too and go on about him constantly.....at the same time get ready to bail out of the relationship with this immature,selfish twat!!

Original poster

Confuzzled123 · 22/03/2020 06:38

He’s nearly 50 so far from a teenager! I asked him nicely the other day if he could respect my wishes on this issue and after some squirming about eventually agreed that he would.

I was less polite last night and told him that I was really fed up of him going on about how beautiful she is.

OP posts:

lolaflores · 22/03/2020 06:42

If you have had to repeat yourself and express your discomfort and he hasnt stopped, then he is a gold plated prick. This is not a man mature enough to be in a fulfilling relationship. What, if anything, does he bring to the relationship?

loserssaywhat · 22/03/2020 06:58

He's an immature prick and it sounds like he's deliberately on a wind up mission to get your back up and hurt you.
You shouldn't have to tell someone repeatedly if someone is doing something that bothers you.
Mans an idiot I'm afraid.
I'd probably try my best to ignore any comments or messages he sends about her. Don't give him the satisfaction of your reaction. Or bin him.

Sally2791 · 22/03/2020 07:01

I think unfortunately he is either completely insensitive and not interested in how you feel, or he’s deliberately trying to provoke and undermine you.
Neither sounds attractive, you may wish to permanently distance yourself from him

BitOfFun · 22/03/2020 07:01

My self esteem was also compounded by my DP telling me that I was average looking.

How long have you been putting up with this shite?

Itsallgonewoowoo · 22/03/2020 07:02

You've told him repeatedly and he continues, therefore he is doing it deliberately and the only reason for that is to be mean to you. Added to his comments about your appearance I would agree with others that your DP is in fact a mean twat. You are better than this, leave him to his cold crush.

petrocellihouse · 22/03/2020 07:04

I’d be changing the password to my Netflix account pretty sharpish. If he wants to ogle his celebrity crush, he can do it on his own dime! For what its worth, I think the comment about you being ‘average’ looking was deliberately cruel. He is either trying to make you end it, so that he can look as if he’s the good guy or he’s not a nice person. Maybe both! I’d be looking closely at the relationship to see what value he adds to your life.

KatherineJaneway · 22/03/2020 07:04

My self esteem was also compounded by my DP telling me that I was average looking.

The relationship would have ended right there if I were you. Disgusting thing to say.

fuzzymoon · 22/03/2020 07:21

I think theres more to this.

You said he has downed you about your looks before this.

Now he is going on about the beauty of another woman. Actress or not , it's another woman.

I think you're being psychologically downed by him and because he's doing it repeatedly ( downing your appearance and going on about another's looks) it's abusive.

You say you were bullied in a previous relationship. This will leave you open to other abusive relationships because your judgement and what is acceptable is not set at a healthy level , what is norm to you is not right.

Please leave him. Spend time healing from your past relationship and become independent and strong.

You don't need him or any other man. When you get to a point that you are strong , self assured and content being single. That there are no past ghosts haunting you. Then enter back into a relationship. But for now concentrate on you.

category12 · 22/03/2020 07:23

You don't live together - awesome 👍

Dump the twat. Honestly.

Why would you tolerate him putting you down and deliberately doing something to annoy/hurt you?

Original poster

Confuzzled123 · 22/03/2020 07:24

I’m afraid I did change the Netflix password. Immature I know but it made me feel better.

We’ve been together for a couple of years. He thinks that average looking is fine. However, he never compliments me, is quick to criticise me and always talks about other attractive women.

OP posts:

pictish · 22/03/2020 07:26

No it is not normal - especially as you’ve asked him to stop and he hasn’t. How insensitive and socially inept can you be?

pictish · 22/03/2020 07:30

Oh god ditch him. He sounds like a prize turkey, going on about other women like that. Ugh.

I don’t expect my dh to not notice other women or find them attractive, I do expect him to have the emotional intelligence not to talk about it to me. Basic manners and social awareness ffs.

userabcname · 22/03/2020 07:34

Sounds like he's deliberately winding you up. Why are you with him? He's a prick. Raise your standards and get rid.

Ihatefootball86 · 22/03/2020 07:39

The fact that you have low self esteem is the issue. It's why you're putting up with his crap. I'd hazard a guess he knows exactly what he's doing to keep you down.

lyingwanker · 22/03/2020 07:41

He's probably doing it on purpose to keep you in your place, and also so you think he's a sex god who you don't deserve

WatchingFromTheWings · 22/03/2020 07:51

I’m afraid I did change the Netflix password. Immature I know but it made me feel better.

Good for you! Now I'd just block and ignore. Blokes a twat. Myself and DH both have celebrity crushes which we will tell each other about but certainly don't go on about it and never put each other down.

Original poster

Confuzzled123 · 22/03/2020 07:53

He says he’s not doing it deliberately. He’s always got an answer though. About everything.

I won’t be seeing him for a while due to social distancing so I hope I can get some strength and self worth back in that time apart.

Thank you all.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 22/03/2020 08:00

Keep up the social distancing from him specifically
He's a knob

lmcneil003 · 22/03/2020 08:02

KJ writes The relationship would have ended right there if I were you. Disgusting thing to say.

Most people are average looking. Some better some worse. Would you really end a relationship for this truth??

vegas888 · 22/03/2020 08:11

Who was the celebrity crush?

Original poster

Confuzzled123 · 22/03/2020 09:18

Haha - I really don’t want to say who she is.

I probably am average looking and I would say he is below average looking. However, I would never tell him this.

OP posts:

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