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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP Celebrity Crush

92 replies

Confuzzled123 · 22/03/2020 06:06

Hi,

I wonder if I am overreacting due to general stress at the moment but my DP is really annoying me.

I’m currently going through therapy due to past bullying issues which have left me with low self esteem. My self esteem was also compounded by my DP telling me that I was average looking.

Over the past week he has developed a celebrity crush. It’s ridiculous. He won’t stop going on about how beautiful she is. I asked him not to talk about how beautiful she is but he has just ignored this.

I understand that he will find other women attractive- that’s normal. I just don’t want it shoved down my throat all the time when I’ve asked him not to.

He is watching a tv programme she is in on the Netflix I pay for (we don’t live together). He messaged me last night again to tell me about how good looking she is.

Is this normal behaviour and AIBU to be upset by this?

Thanks for any advice. Smile

Also, I know this is trivia compared to what is happening in the world right now but it’s upsetting me. Apologies if this offends anyone - that’s not my intention.

OP posts:
category12 · 22/03/2020 11:52

You need a gold medal for putting up with him for so long.

No, you need to give your head a wobble and stop putting up with crap like this. There are no gold medals for letting someone put you down. It's not good for you, and it's not good for them either. Assholes need dumping.

BackseatCookers · 22/03/2020 11:59

We’ve been together for a couple of years. He thinks that average looking is fine. However, he never compliments me, is quick to criticise me and always talks about other attractive women.

This particular actress is a total red herring.

Why the fuck are you continuing a relationship when he's so nasty to you and battering your confidence consistently?!

Seriously do you think this is OK? Do you think this is acceptable?

Original poster
Confuzzled123 · 22/03/2020 12:23

I’ve just googled. She is called Adelaide Kane. He refers to her as the Australian bird from Rain.

OP posts:
Qwerty543 · 22/03/2020 12:27

He's doing this deliberately OP. Dump the twat.

h0llygolightly · 22/03/2020 12:28

@category12
Totally agree, what I meant was that it must have been extremely hard for OP to put up with this for 2 years, I think you may have misinterpreted what I said.

Isitsixoclockalready · 22/03/2020 12:35

Him going on about a celebrity crush would be tedious but you can always bug him with one of your own (possibly with accompanying pictures of your choice in the bedroom); however the comment about being average looking is uncalled for and unpleasant. Sometimes people are a bit quick on here to say 'end the relationship' but it's a hurtful thing to say. He should be bigging you up and complementing you, not making comments like that.

sallievp · 22/03/2020 12:42

Don't you think you deserve better?

category12 · 22/03/2020 13:34

It wasn't meant to be critical of you, Hollygolightly, the phrase just sparked something for me. I think it's important that we (as in society generally) move away from praising "sticking out" relationships and trying to "make things work" (which generally means women bending over backwards putting up with being treated badly for the sake of keeping a man).

KatherineJaneway · 22/03/2020 13:48

Most people are average looking. Some better some worse. Would you really end a relationship for this truth??

Yes because there is no need to say it, is there? It is only said to be nasty and hurtful. A majority, me included, do not look like Angelina Jolie. Therefore there is no need to say that someone is average, plain etc except to inflict pain.

Noodlenosefraggle · 22/03/2020 13:51

He's crushing on a character who was 13 in real life
To be fair, even in reality he's a 50 year old man obsessed with some actress who's probably early 20's so young enough to be his daughter!

Lllot5 · 22/03/2020 13:58

If it is that woman who somebody posted a pic of, I would bet my last loo roll on her not looking at that sad old fart once never mind twice.
Tell him to fuck right off.

fantasmasgoria1 · 22/03/2020 14:11

To tell you that you look average is disrespectful. I would ditch him, you can do so much better. Your partner /husband /fiance etc is someone who is supposed to think to them you are the most beautiful woman in the world (I don't just have this opinion my fiance does too). I bet you are really attractive your confidence has been eroded it sounds like. Is he an adonis, stud muffin who is off the gorgeousness scale? No I'll bet he isn't cheeky twat.

AnotherDingle · 22/03/2020 14:12

That actress was 13-17 when she was in that show wasn’t she?

So now, despite not needing a reason to end a relationship, you have three excellent reasons to dump him; fancies underage girls, treats you like shit, is an absolute arsehole.

ravenmum · 22/03/2020 14:23

So all he does is go on about what he's watching on TV?
Do you find that interesting, let alone this nonsense designed to make you think you won't find someone better than him?
He sounds as boring as hell.

Original poster
Confuzzled123 · 22/03/2020 14:28

He doesn’t normally go on about tv shows. It’s just this one that he goes on about. He seems to get obsessions about various women - the last one was a popstar.

He is pretty tedious if I think about it now. I hadn’t realised that before!

OP posts:
Redannie118 · 22/03/2020 15:00

I'm not even average looking, I look like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle ! My DH tells me I'm beautiful all the time. I would text him back and say "Wow yes she IS beautiful. It must be awful to know that she would never be attracted to an insecure, flabby old man with a tiny dick like you. Oh btw I'm breaking up with you because I've just realised the same thing ! Thank you so much for bringing that to my attention" Then block, block block !!!

mamato3lads · 22/03/2020 15:09

He's putting you down deliberately OP because he is insecure. It's a shocking way to behave but very obvious, very transparent.

Personally I would tell him to fuck right off, such a nasty, mean man xxx

blissfulllife · 22/03/2020 15:17

A form of bullying in itself that is OP. Keeping you in your place isn't he.

Next time he mentions her I'd literally have say "my god I'm embarrassed for you"

Elieza · 22/03/2020 16:25

Why are you with him?
Why is he with you if he doesn’t fancy you?
Time to split I think. This relationship has no future. You can do better.

Original poster
Confuzzled123 · 22/03/2020 16:46

He says he does fancy me and that I’m overreacting to his assessment of my looks.

I am actually embarrassed for him.

OP posts:
BackseatCookers · 22/03/2020 16:59

So you're not going to split up with him then OP? Like I said, regardless of this actress thing he's horrible to you and while you say now he's said of course he fancies you, it was clear earlier he never compliments you and calls you average looking while complimenting other women.

Why are you not breaking up with him?!

God one of the only good things about coronavirus is you can send a text saying it's over and not have to worry about seeing him for ages.

Original poster
Confuzzled123 · 22/03/2020 17:01

I haven’t spoken to him since last night. He called me average a few months ago and that’s when he said he did fancy me.

I am just going to try to distance myself.

OP posts:
BackseatCookers · 22/03/2020 17:06

I don't understand OP. He is horrible to you.

What's the downside of ending it? Better now than ever. Distancing yourself is different to ending it - be brave, take control and move on!

It's never going to get better than this because it's been a couple of years and he still doesn't make you feel good about yourself.

Please don't waste your life with someone so rubbish!!

MikeUniformMike · 22/03/2020 18:02

End it. There's more to it that him being a dick, it's a form of emotional abuse and if you stay in the relationship it will grind you down.

AnotherDingle · 22/03/2020 18:54

If my boyfriend fancied a 13 year old I’d do more than try to distance myself Confused and that’s before you bring in all the other stuff!