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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend didnt bother for my birthday, am i being unreasonable?

94 replies

amethyst83 · 16/03/2020 10:54

We've been together for 2.5 years. Things have been quite rocky for a while, I feel like I always come second place to his friends, work etc. I have voiced my concerns and it makes no difference. I'm 37 and feel like I'm wasting my time sometimes. We don't have kids.
We've hardly seen each other lately, and two weeks ago he said he would take me out, and would i book a table. He never turned up, said he had forgotten his phone and had to go back and missed the train. He didn't bother to tell me this until 11 pm then he went out with his mates.
Anyhow, he went to work away 200 miles away, nearly 2 weeks ago. He said it was just for a week and hed be back for my birthday.
Well, my birthday was Saturday and he didn't come home. He called me on the phone for 5 minutes and said he would give me money to help pay a bill for my birthday. No card sent or anything. Said hed be home the next day and take me out for lunch. Luckily I made plans with my friends for my birthday so wasn't sat home alone.
He didn't turn up. Sent a text in the afternoon saying hed be back late. Then I found he had been telling others he would be back mid-week so seemed as though he was just lying to me.
So when he sent this text I got mad and just told him to stay there, expressed how I felt.
He just said he can only leave when the jobs finished, I already made plans, I'm being unreasonable. Then when I didn't respond he told me he won't contact me again.
I left it there. Do you think I am being unreasonable? I'm not materialistic or even bothered about my birthday really, I don't expect much. But I feel like he just doesn't care, for all he says he loves me.

OP posts:
12345kbm · 16/03/2020 10:57

This relationship is over OP. It's time to cut your losses.

Lozzerbmc · 16/03/2020 10:58

Hello of course you are not being unreasonable he is treating you like dirt. Thats no kind of relationship sorry

Ninkanink · 16/03/2020 10:58

It’s time to end it.

You’re definitely not being unreasonable, and there is absolutely no point staying in a relationship where you have to beg for crumbs of love and attention and settling for crappy behaviour from someone who’s supposed to love you and care about you.

You are worth more than that! Make it your birthday gift to yourself.

Flowers and Brew and Cake

copycopypaste · 16/03/2020 10:58

Dump him and move on

TheWordmeister · 16/03/2020 10:58

It seems like you're flogging a dead horse - he's clearly not that into you.

You should end it while you still have a bit of dignity.

MyuMe · 16/03/2020 10:58

Not unreasonable

Why are you with him?

amethyst83 · 16/03/2020 11:00

thanks, I think you're right. To be honest, I was giving him a bit of leeway to see if he would acknowledge my birthday. I had told myself it needs to be over if he doesn't. I guess you're just confirming what I already know.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 16/03/2020 11:00

Why on earth are you and he together at all?. What are you getting out of this "relationship"?.

Do not waste any more of your precious time on him. You said it all in the first part of your initial post and you're basically flogging a dead relationship here.

Be someone's priority rather than his mere fallback girl here.

Windyatthebeach · 16/03/2020 11:00

Sounds like he sees you as a booty call and nothing else.
Sorry op he needs dumped.

category12 · 16/03/2020 11:02

I'd ditch him.

Happy birthday Cake. Make dumping him your present to yourself.

Princessfaffalot · 16/03/2020 11:03

He’s a useless sack of shite! Dump!

hellsbellsmelons · 16/03/2020 11:05

This is a complete no-brainer.
Stop wasting your life on this loser!!!
Time to dump and move on.
NEXT >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

amethyst83 · 16/03/2020 11:06

That's exactly it, I'm not getting anything out of the relationship. I d feel that. He says he loves me frequently but actions speak louder than words, don't they?
I have put up with crap from him for too long, supported him when he's low and nobody else will give him the time of day. He treats others in a crappy way too.
I told him he was thoughtless and selfish in my last text anyway, I'll leave it there. Thing is, he always comes back and thinks I'll be ok again, which I try to be. But Imm constantly just trying to hide my feelings of hurt. And when I can't hide it any longer and it comes out, he calls me unreasonable and oversensitive.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 16/03/2020 11:06

Omg op. What are you doing?! He doesnt like you and has no respect for you.

Move on

Ninkanink · 16/03/2020 11:07

Don’t let him back again. Honestly it’s just not worth it. Life is short and you should share it with people who truly value you.

Kimbaland · 16/03/2020 11:09

Seriously, fuck him off. He keeps treating you like this because you let him. Better to be on your own than with the wrong person

amethyst83 · 16/03/2020 11:10

I just don't get why he always tries to get back with me if he doesn't care. It all just fries my head a bit.
Whilst he's been away, he has already blocked me for a few days because I had an early night one evening and didn't answer his calls. I know its not good.

OP posts:
amethyst83 · 16/03/2020 11:11

And the money he was going to send for my birthday...didnt apear, suprise, suprise.

OP posts:
Ninkanink · 16/03/2020 11:14

It’s because you’re nice to him, and everyone likes to be looked after. I imagine he also gets sex.

It’s not about him, though - this is about you! And you deserve better. Don’t give him any headspace, why this, why that, etc etc. Just a clean break. Then get yourself a treat and do some self care in the next few weeks.

12345kbm · 16/03/2020 11:16

OP the relationship is over. It sounds as though he's trying to get you to finish with him. His behaviour is despicable. I understand that you're spent a lot of time on him but he sounds like a suck hole. Something that sucks in everything around it, drains its environment and gives nothing back.

You really need to spend some time alone, rebuilding your self esteem because it must be on the floor after this prince. Text him and tell him it's over and not to contact you again then block on all forms of social media and communication.

Don't take him back OP, you're just prolonging the inevitable. It's over.

CalleighDoodle · 16/03/2020 11:18

Just block him

Fleamaker123 · 16/03/2020 11:18

Sorry but it looks like he's not bothered either way, he's waiting for you to finish it.
Just end it.

muminlondon2020 · 16/03/2020 11:19

He's trying to get you to dump him because he is too cowardly to do it himself, Im sorry. In my much younger days thats the kind of nonsense i would pull. Nobody thinks that behaviour is ok in a relationship. You are worth so much more and there is real love out there for you, but you have to close this door to open a new one xx

amethyst83 · 16/03/2020 11:33

I would say he is trying to finish with me too, it's just that he always makes it sound as if I am unreasonable and expecting too much. Then tries to come back.
I am sick of it. I guess I don't need any more proof. I realise it cant go anywhere. I'm, not even a booty call, as that hasn't happened in months, due to constant falling out, him being away, treating me like shit.
Thanks for helping me clarify my feelings arent unreasonable.

OP posts:
pooopypants · 16/03/2020 11:37

Wanker

Dump. Block. Chin up, tits out. Move on.

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