Boyfriend didnt bother for my birthday, am i being unreasonable?

[amethyst83]

We've been together for 2.5 years. Things have been quite rocky for a while, I feel like I always come second place to his friends, work etc. I have voiced my concerns and it makes no difference. I'm 37 and feel like I'm wasting my time sometimes. We don't have kids.
We've hardly seen each other lately, and two weeks ago he said he would take me out, and would i book a table. He never turned up, said he had forgotten his phone and had to go back and missed the train. He didn't bother to tell me this until 11 pm then he went out with his mates.
Anyhow, he went to work away 200 miles away, nearly 2 weeks ago. He said it was just for a week and hed be back for my birthday.
Well, my birthday was Saturday and he didn't come home. He called me on the phone for 5 minutes and said he would give me money to help pay a bill for my birthday. No card sent or anything. Said hed be home the next day and take me out for lunch. Luckily I made plans with my friends for my birthday so wasn't sat home alone.
He didn't turn up. Sent a text in the afternoon saying hed be back late. Then I found he had been telling others he would be back mid-week so seemed as though he was just lying to me.
So when he sent this text I got mad and just told him to stay there, expressed how I felt.
He just said he can only leave when the jobs finished, I already made plans, I'm being unreasonable. Then when I didn't respond he told me he won't contact me again.
I left it there. Do you think I am being unreasonable? I'm not materialistic or even bothered about my birthday really, I don't expect much. But I feel like he just doesn't care, for all he says he loves me.

No further analysis needed.

End it and block. Chat with us here whenever you feel that you’re wavering.

I get angry when I read posts like this. There are far too many on Mumsnet. Why are apparently sane, adult woman putting up with this shit?

I realise I'm sounding like a broken record, but I really believe that Robin Norwood's Women Who Love Too Much ought to be required reading for any young woman about to embark on a relationship. They may or may not need it, but it sure will help them understand why some men do what they do - and not end up in the OP's sorry situation.

I largely agreed with @hellsbellsmelons:
This is a complete no-brainer.
Stop wasting your life on this loser!!!
Time to dump and move on.

Except NOT this:
NEXT >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

@amethyst83... you are not ready for another relationship. Not until you work on yourself and gain insight into how and why you accepted his callous neglect and came back for more when he had already made it abundantly clear that your needs are not worth a toss to him. And then shore up your defenses, so you are sufficiently resilient not to fall for such a lowlife again.

“The key is in learning how to live a healthy, satisfying, and serene life without being dependent on another person for happiness.”
― Robin Norwood, Women Who Love Too Much

No more chances op.
If he really cared about you, you would know.

He gets back with you because you put up with his shit... you let him treat you like shit so he likes keeping you around.

It's not because he loves you

No sex, no affection, blocking you on social media, fuck that bullshit. Ghost him, block him, he doesn't give a flying fuck about you. You are worth so much more believe it!
If he comes around again .... m.youtube.com/watch?v=om8kV_2MoFY 😉

I feel like I have let him make a fool of me. It's just that I have gotten used to it I think, which makes it hard to see for what it is sometimes.
I am actually reading that book, and a lot of it does apply to this relationship, if you could call it that. He seems to think it is.
I will try not to waver this time, thinking of just changing my number.

Just block him. That is all you need to do. Enjoy the peace.

I feel like I have let him make a fool of me.

Make this the last day you allow yourself to feel like that.

Disengage from this wanker today.

It's over. You've wasted 2.5 years on him. Do not waste a single day (or hour) more!

Love isn't enough. And he isn't treating you how someone who loves you treats you anyway.

It's natural to be sad when a relationship ends but you can also breathe a huge sigh of relief

Yes, I think it is a relief really. I feel somewhat controlled by him anyway. Like when he gets upset if I miss his calls or do things without him. He doesn't trust me either, he makes things up like says his friends all think that I am easy, or that I have slept with other people when I know it's not true. There has been quite a bit of behaviour like that really.
I have made plans with my friends in the summer, and have almost completed my degree, and have a new job to start later. Life goes on, I guess.

Block him everywhere. He'll try to find a way to pull you back in.

I'm, not even a booty call, as that hasn't happened in months, due to constant falling out, him being away, treating me like shit.

I would get an STI test done, it's unlikely he's been going without.

I had thought of that, he swears blind its not the case and Ive found no evidence. Can men really go that long without?
I feel sex is a problem now too, as he has accused me so much of cheating and feel like its ruined things.

I have made plans with my friends in the summer, and have almost completed my degree, and have a new job to start later. Life goes on, I guess.

Mate, you sound like such an absolute CATCH! I'm excited for you that you already have such ace achievements and plans to look forward to.

And I know what you mean about feeling controlled. I remember feeling that my life was on hold as I was consumed with worrying about the relationship. The relief will turn into you finding the joy in life again.

When you get to a headspace where instead of fear of being alone / not getting over it, you actually feel like fuck I love life so it's going to take someone pretty special for me to want to share my life with them... that's when you're ready for a good one

Also a good way of thinking about someone like this is... your partner should be equivalent to a best friend. If a best friend treated you the way he has, would you still want to be their best friend? No. He's not worth it. I know you already know that, but I think sometimes we almost have lower standards for a partner than a friend. They should have your back, be on your side, be proud of you, have fun with you, boost you... he's not worth your headspace

Ditch him. Either he is not as keen as you believed or he is totally thoughtless. You can do better.

@amethyst83

I had thought of that, he swears blind its not the case and Ive found no evidence. Can men really go that long without?

WTF you can't really be asking this seriously ???

as he has accused me so much of cheating
He does protest too much.
That is projection, right there!
He is judging you by his own standards.
Run - far and fast.
THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Thanks, I do have a lot going for me generally. I've been working hard for my degree these past 3 years and it hasn't been easy. Because all the while I've been put through the wringer by him so has been emotionally unwell a lot of the time. But just one exam left and hopefully I will have made it then can go into my new profession :) I have my own home and car too so I'm not doing too badly. I have some really good friends also.
Whilst he has a very unstable life, battles with addiction (or rather constantly succumbs) and treats his friends and family like dirt.
I'm a fairly shy person though and he is just the opposite, he has a knack for charming people to get what he wants I think.
Sorry, @TheStuffedPenguin I guess I sound naive there, I suppose we believe what we want to believe at times.

OP, I'm probably twice your age or about that. I don't believe he's been without, especially as he's projecting onto you.

You have a lot going for you, and you can do so much better than this wazzock.

You are probably right. I never really looked at it in that way. He is quite a paranoid person at times, and I just put it down to that.

he has a very unstable life, battles with addiction (or rather constantly succumbs) and treats his friends and family like dirt.

What a revolting specimen. He's not a partner, he's a parasite. You need to purge him from your life like a dose of threadworms. Best of luck, you can do it.

If he loved you he wouldn’t treat you as an after thought

I think when you are in a relationship it's easy to look out rather than in. Easy to try to rationalise behaviour away, to say 'yes, but he's only doing/saying/like this because...'

Once you are out of the relationship and looking back in, you can see all the controlling behaviour, the moods, sulks, accusations, failings, for what they really are. A man who used you to fill a need in himself, who never really loved you for you, just for what you could do for him.

Block him. Never reply if he tries to reel you back in by another method. He's bad news, doesn't know how to treat other people decently, and you can't save him or make him better.

A birthday present to yourself should be dumping that twat.

He’s treating you terribly so you leave him, he’s even said if you sing contact him he won’t contact you. Just leave it OP and love on. I’m sorry he’s acted this way