Boyfriend didnt bother for my birthday, am i being unreasonable?

[amethyst83]

We've been together for 2.5 years. Things have been quite rocky for a while, I feel like I always come second place to his friends, work etc. I have voiced my concerns and it makes no difference. I'm 37 and feel like I'm wasting my time sometimes. We don't have kids.
We've hardly seen each other lately, and two weeks ago he said he would take me out, and would i book a table. He never turned up, said he had forgotten his phone and had to go back and missed the train. He didn't bother to tell me this until 11 pm then he went out with his mates.
Anyhow, he went to work away 200 miles away, nearly 2 weeks ago. He said it was just for a week and hed be back for my birthday.
Well, my birthday was Saturday and he didn't come home. He called me on the phone for 5 minutes and said he would give me money to help pay a bill for my birthday. No card sent or anything. Said hed be home the next day and take me out for lunch. Luckily I made plans with my friends for my birthday so wasn't sat home alone.
He didn't turn up. Sent a text in the afternoon saying hed be back late. Then I found he had been telling others he would be back mid-week so seemed as though he was just lying to me.
So when he sent this text I got mad and just told him to stay there, expressed how I felt.
He just said he can only leave when the jobs finished, I already made plans, I'm being unreasonable. Then when I didn't respond he told me he won't contact me again.
I left it there. Do you think I am being unreasonable? I'm not materialistic or even bothered about my birthday really, I don't expect much. But I feel like he just doesn't care, for all he says he loves me.

Well he contacted me today he said should he post my present. As hed tried to ring but I had blocked him.
I haven't replied. It makes it hard to stay strong sometimes.

Don’t text him back, OP. Read the below thread for inspiration on not contacting him ever again. The OP in this thread has been so strong, not contacted her loser ex boyfriend and has come out the other side 7 weeks later. This could be you, too.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text?pg=1&order=

He didn’t need to contact you - if he really wanted you to have your present he could have just posted it to you.

I dont think he will believe it's over. As stuff like this happens a lot and I always relent. And hes ok for a while then starts treating me crappily again.
Its just I feel like I'm used to this merry go round. And I think theres a silly part of me that finds it very hard to entirely let go. I'm not sure why. I guess I kind of live in hope :(

Well he sounds peachy, I can see why you’re with him.

Seriously, stop being his puppet and letting him pull your strings. Take the upper hand, block, delete, whatever. And remind yourself, I’m worth more than this

I know, I do feel like a puppet...what if he really did buy me a present and I am being a diva...I know these feelings are probably wrong but it's like I'm stuck in a cycle. I dont know what's wrong with me.
I do know it's not right but I just wanted so much for things to be ok. Its pathetic I know. I'm trying so hard though.

Just be angry. No need to give what he supposedly bought you anymore thought, it’s just his ploy to reel you in again
Why give him the headspace, you are worth much more than him
Time to be stronger I’m afraid and block him everywhere
It’s beyond me how some ladies put up with this childish shit

So what if he did buy you a present? What was stopping him giving it to you on your birthday? Or texting or sending a card or popping round or sending flowers or practically anything else? Nothing? Oh. So, he's 'bought a present' now, has he? Too little, too late. He can send it back, (if it exists).

Keep up the no contact. Block his number everywhere. Live your best life and find yourself someone who's actually, you know, NICE to you.

He rang me on my birthday. He could have sent a card or came back as he promised though. Apparently he earned 300 a day whilst away so surely could have done something.
He's not nice to me, but he says it's me who isn't nice. Urgh.
I will try to keep strong.

Block him everywhere
Don’t even give him the opportunity to contact you

Move on. There’s someone way better out there for you

Please just block him properly, everywhere.

Listen to everyone. Block him!!!

Stop trying to be strong. BE strong!

Fake it till you make it.

There is no better feeling than the exhilaration you feel when you overcome your fears and do what you need to do.

Not only will you will feel so much better, you will feel proud of yourself. Your self-esteem will rocket!!

(NB: How are you getting on with that book?)

Mentioning the gift.. was a carrot to a donkey... keep this waste of space blocked... he's so so fucking horrible

Thanks, i haven't responded. I am being strong. I know that I need to be. Cant keep being a sucker all my life i guess :)
Im 2/3rds through the book, much of it applies to me which is depressing. I know I cant continue to try and change and control someone else, which i have been doing. Ill get there.

He has given you a present. Best present ever, your life back. You’ve had a lucky escape. He sounds awful. You’ve stood up for yourself and quite right too. You deserve far better than him. Happy belated birthday

Thank you. Learning lots in these years. Just feel I'm stunted somehow

Come back to MN when you feel your resolve wavering.
And always remember:
NO CONTACT = NO NEW HURTS.

This may help you in your efforts to be the person you'd like to be:

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0553374397/ref=as_li_ss_tl?linkCode=g12&slotNum=0&linkId=276256b16a8090dbe78f9e6cbc5ad99d&imprToken=jl1jyYZqtnl1eBQlydybGw&creativeASIN=0553374397&language=en_US&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8

Him making you out to be unreasonable and doubting yourself is gaslighting. It is hard but think about it, without him you are free to meet someone who will treat you properly.

OP, I did 20 years with a man like this

I will never get them back.

If I had had the insight and support you are getting now I would have saved myself a lot of heart ache.

Move your focus from him and focus on you. Your needs and raise that bar!!
You have a lot going for you.

Be prepared for tantrums and promises... gaslighting and stonewalling.. all controlling behaviour...ignore them. Look forward now not back.
all... good luck

Thanks. He had sent another text saying "thanks for the reply"
I have him blocked but I'm still able to see blocked texts and calls :(
I've continued to ignore though.
Just sometimes feel like I should talk but I know its wasted breath.
Theres a common theme throughout the comments for sure!
Think I will get that self esteem book. Feel like I have a real problem with not standing up for myself and it puts me in some bad positions.

It's fantastic that you are realising just what he's like - honestly, you do sound a real catch and he is the exact opposite. I assume you don't live with him? Bag up his stuff and either take it to his place and leave it outside or leave it outside your own place.

He's absolutely awful. You're going to have a great time without him.

You will be surprised how quickly you’ll go from thinking ‘this is so painful, I’ll never get over this, I want to talk to him, why can’t we make this better’, etc, etc to happiness at not having to deal with his rubbish behaviour, and just plain indifference towards him.

It's time to smile & wave 👋🏻 to this one & tell him to fuck off to fuck off land & to fuck off some more once he gets there ....

Shed no tears op. Any longer with this one would surely mean more misery.

Delete. Block. And don't look back

I hope I do get past this stage of feeling unsure. I'm sure it will happen.
I'm just sick of feeling such a low priority to him. Sometimes I feel like we really do love each other when we are together, but more often than not were apart. I just wanted him to show me he cared, and he hasnt.
Will just keep keeping on I suppose.
People on here have been great giving me strength.