I cant cope with my babys crying

[FLO20]

My son is 3 months old. He has CMPA/Reflux/Colic/Eczema. He cries alot of the time.

Its taking its toll on my marriage but most of all on me.

I shake with rage when he wont stop crying. He has a dummy but at time just spits it out even though it does pacify him and it makes me so angry I have to put him down and walk away.

I've had his non stop crying for 13 weeks, every day. My husband helps when he is around but no matter how much of a break I get I have to come back to it.

I am struggling to bond with my son.
I have a 3 year old daughter aswell who I miss spending time with.
I know for sure I won't hurt my son but I completely can understand how people can get to the point where they have done.

I regret having him some of the time.

I feel awful saying all this but saw a post where someone else was honest and no one actually said how disgusted they were which is what I expected if I said it out loud.

Please tell me this gets better

Youre traumatised and you need help. You’ve been dealing with constant crying for 13 weeks. No wonder you feel like this. You’re at breaking point. I had this with my child. My mother used to come and take over during the night while I slept. Is there anybody who can come help you? Call on anyone/everyone you can. Friends/family. You need a proper break. 8 hours uninterrupted sleep so you can then cope during the day. Hire a night nanny? I’m trying to think of things that can help

It gets better, I promise it does. I don't understand how evolution thought that babies cries were a good idea for survival because it is one of the most grating and upsetting sounds there is and so many people struggle to cope with it.

You're absolutely right to put him in a safe place and walk away when you feel that rage. I have felt that, I understand you, it's awful and you feel so guilty and shit about yourself.

Of course he's not spitting the dummy on purpose he's totally incapable of that, but it doesn't matter to that intense emotional reaction you have at the time as it's not based in reason.

All I can say is keep breathing, keep putting him down and walking away, reach out for any and all help you can - support groups, friends, family - anyone to get a break. Another couple of months and it will likely have all changed. I didn't bond with mine until past six months. I adore him so incredibly now I can't put him down/stop kissing and cuddling him even when he wiggles away shouting 'no mama!'. He's 20 months, sleeps through and is an adorable dream. This stage will pass, just hang on.

www.cry-sis.org.uk/

Try calling and speaking to someone at his charity - they are wonderful

That sounds damn hard! I cannot bear baby cries. It’s like fingers on a chalkboard! I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you. Is your baby breastfed or bottlefed? Would you consider or be able to afford to put him in nursery a few hours a week?

Thanks girls. I actually am traumatised that's the right word.
My husband has done 3 nights in 13 weeks one of which was me leaving him and the kids to stay in a hotel because he said I use the baby as an excuse for not doing housework so I wanted him to do what I have to for 48 hours. (Another post lol)

Can't wait for this to pass

Remember it is okay to take a few minutes to calm down and breathe.
It will get better he's just a bit uncomfortable at the moment bless him.
It's hard doing everything by yourself. Your husband can do housework.

I'm still traumatized by DS's babyhood- the crying, the being stuck on a couch for hours BF etc etc and he's now a lovely 5YO.

Whilst I didn't actually realise at the time, I didn't bond with him properly and you know what? It makes no difference now as he was too little to notice and by the time he was older, I adored him and still do.

This was me 4 months ago. It was SO stressful, I was exhausted and my nerves were frayed. I'm sorry to hear you're going through it.

Does your baby nap or sleep during the day? What helped with my daughter was taking her into a dark room every time she rubbed her eyes/yawned and just holding her in the dark until she fell asleep. The pre sleep meltdown got shorter and shorter and she eventually just dropped off after just a minute or two of crying. She started waking from her naps refreshed and less fractious and it's been up from there ever since.

Along with that I found fresh air helped, the days we stayed in she was a nightmare!

Good luck, it will pass

Ok, reading your most recent post, it sounds like you feel you're struggling due to a high needs baby, but honestly a lot of it will be due to your partner which doesn't sound great.

I had a baby that never slept which was horrific but non stop crying seems much much worse. 8 years later I still can’t fathom why I didn’t reach out for more help. I felt like a burden at the time but fuck I felt near death at one point I kid you not.
But mostly, I felt guilty like I was doing something wrong and that just encouraged me to hang onto that baby even more, I felt really bad if someone else held him or took him away even for a cpl of hrs. I just couldn’t think straight. And I couldn’t relax or sleep if someone else had him (because of guilt I think)
In hind sight I should of flung open my windows and screamed “somebody help me”.
I should of asked my Mum to move in for a week. I should have said to my Sister and friends, look I know you haven’t had a baby but your day will come, you will understand, now I order you to stay awake all night and look after this baby! 😂
I should have paid some money out of my meagre wages to pay for a nanny for the night instead of buying posh baby grows and posh Prams because I cared what people thought.
The moral of the story is, demand help from everyone you know and tell them exactly how you want that help. Do anything you can to make life easier and do not give a shit what anybody thinks about it.

It’ll be over soon, but I understand that right now your days feel like they have 100 hrs in them.

I don’t know how you are still sane after 13 weeks.

My youngest child is 12 and I still get a huge physical and emotional reaction to a small baby screaming incessantly . I’ve had to walk out of shops because of this. 🤭🤭

Your husband sounds like a selfish arse.

My son had CMPA and reflux. I fought for months and months to get proper help as I knew the constant crying wasn't right. Eventually we got him on the right meds and it stopped. It was like the heavens opened. I remember shaking with rage. I remember those days so clearly it destroyed a lot of me. You are not alone. Please can I recommend the CMPA support group on Facebook? They're amazing and saved my sanity.

But please please try and find a way to look after you whatever it takes. Just keep told remembering this will pass and you are strong enough.

Also my sisters baby cried lots and people couldn’t soothe him a lot. I mastered a way that sometimes worked and that was to try to slow my breathing down completely. To just really zone out as though I was completely zen. Very hard to master but sometimes it really seemed to work, although he would fight it a lot at first. I used to hold him really tight when I did it too.

Try listening to this song with ear phones in

Weigh less - Marconi union.

It’s scientifically proven to ease anxiety because it slows your heart rate down. Try it on your own see if it works - really effective on me.

Maybe you could then try listening to it while holding baby. Worth a try? Good luck x

You're doing brilliantly and well done for posting.

I get where you're at, it's an awful, frustrating and lonely place. But it does get better, it WILL get better.

Do you have any family members who could have your baby for a few hours so you can have a break?

I know people don't want to go out at the moment but try your local children's centre, see if they have someone there who can point you in the right direction. It might also be wise to talk to the doctor to see if there's anything he can give you to take the edge off things.

Youre right Cheshire Cat the situation with my husband has not helped one bit. Sometimes I wonder if I'd cope better if at the back of my mind wasn't that my husband won't be happy if my house is really untidy. Which it obvs is alot with a 3 year old and fussy baby

Either way, I really can't cope. I feel total rage. I've never felt it before in my whole life. When I'm in the car with jim and he is screaming I feel like someone could cut me up and I'd jump out and put them in hospital im filled with so much anger from the crying

Do you think a rocking chair or the likes would soothe him? Apologies if you’ve tried this. There are some quite high tech ones out there that would be worth the money if it helped.

💐💐💐 My second child was like this. It gets better. He's 9 now and lovely. It took me over a year to get over it, to be honest I think I had PTSD. Take all the help you can get. Your baby will get bigger and stop crying all the time and you'll both feel better x X x

Sounds awful, but would headphones be an option? You’d be able to comfort him still but not actually have to hear the crying? I’m clutching at straws I’m afraid!

This was me too, it does get better I promise. My son cried most of his first year, didn’t sleep through for 3 years and on top of that had a million hospital trips. Absolutely horrendous and has put me off kids for life. He’s amazing now though and sleeps through but even now when he cries it grates on me and reminds me never to have another. I do not know how I survived those first few years and yes it is traumatising. Is there anyone who can help you? Please please ask for it!! And do anything you need for your own mental health. Crying won’t kill them, so when you feel angry just leave him and go where you can’t hear him at all and breathe. Go back when you’re calmer. No other advice but you aren’t alone and it does get easier

I don't understand how evolution thought that babies cries were a good idea for survival because it is one of the most grating and upsetting sounds there is and so many people struggle to cope with it.

Apparently the human baby cry is the loudest and grating there is because evolutionary speaking they are helpless at birth and for years after.

They have got to be able to cry loudly for help. Not like some mammals who can walk within minutes.

Anyway...I don't know how you have coped. It sounds utterly miserable.

You have an older dd. You know it doesn't last. Can the GP help more. Is there anything that can be given to the baby. Change in milk, etc.

Oh this sounds so hard and relentless. There is nothing harder than trying to soothe an inconsolable baby. Try to remember though that he's jot crying on purpose, he's obviously in pain and it's the only way he can communicate that. Have you spoken to the doctor about baby gaviscon or a possible milk allergy? Hang on in there, it will get easier. I know that's not much help right now

FLO20 honestly, your baby will grow out of it and it'll be fine, though I know it's incredibly hard right now and this isn't helping you at the moment.

But you need to tell your husband that he needs to shut up and step up and help more and I bet you'll manage better.

I experienced the same thing with my first child. Traumatised is exactly the right word for it. I promise it will pass. My best friend gave me a great piece of advice that helped: Put two doors between you and crying baby. It sounds mean but it was a case of self preservation. When I found myself getting so stressed with his crying I would put him somewhere safe (his cot, bassinet etc) and then close the door to the room he was in, then go into another room and close that door too whilst repeating to myself “he’s ok, he’s ok) It would only be for a few minutes but it gave me time to compose myself before going back to him. Since that time I’ve read plenty on how to change an emotional reaction to something, wish I’d known that 4 years ago. Something like doing twenty star jumps whilst counting down 20-1 means you are using a different parts of the brain that can also give relief from m the awful feelings that the crying induces.
On a practical note is your GP/HV doing enough to help with your little ones reflux etc.? There are natural creams that could help with the eczema in addition I found cranial osteopathy helpful with my colicky baby. I feel for you sweetheart, I know how awful this is. I promise you that things will turn a corner 💐

OP I am so sorry you're going through this. I had 2 months of non-stop day time crying with my second child and I was actually terrified to be in the room with her eventually. I was a bag of nerves. She would have cried herself out by the evening so my hubby rarely saw the worst of it and I think he reckoned I was making half of it up!
Does she fall asleep in the car? That was my only saviour at times. And have you tried gripe water? This is what "fixed " our baby!! Doctor said she had reflux and she was on medication for that. It didn't make a blind bit of difference but one day we gave her a dose of gripe water and I cannot stress the transformation! The poor thing was bunged up with wind. She was 9 weeks old and after that first dose of gripe water she lay in my arms peacefully for the first time since she was born. It was beautiful xx

Oh, OP. I remember those early weeks. Amongst the hardest of my life.

Skin to skin was all that worked, and baths with him on my tummy, and lots of boob .I don't know what I'd have done otherwise, I nearly lost it many times. But I did get through, and so will you.

Ask for help, keep trying different things, try to get outside at least once a day. And it will pass, I promise.