I cant cope with my babys crying

[FLO20]

My son is 3 months old. He has CMPA/Reflux/Colic/Eczema. He cries alot of the time.

Its taking its toll on my marriage but most of all on me.

I shake with rage when he wont stop crying. He has a dummy but at time just spits it out even though it does pacify him and it makes me so angry I have to put him down and walk away.

I've had his non stop crying for 13 weeks, every day. My husband helps when he is around but no matter how much of a break I get I have to come back to it.

I am struggling to bond with my son.
I have a 3 year old daughter aswell who I miss spending time with.
I know for sure I won't hurt my son but I completely can understand how people can get to the point where they have done.

I regret having him some of the time.

I feel awful saying all this but saw a post where someone else was honest and no one actually said how disgusted they were which is what I expected if I said it out loud.

Please tell me this gets better

My eldest cried constantly for the first few months. It's horrible. He had reflux. We weaned early and I still think that was a huge positive for him.

I should add that I had the incredible rage too that’s you described. Unfortunately someone did cut me up one day, the language and pure rage that came out of my mouth that day was something I wasn’t aware I was capable of saying. It was a build up of months and months of desperation. Looking back I should have taken up something very physical like running/boxing to get it out of my system. Please do something to help yourself with this. It’s not good to carry around that much anger. How I didn’t physically assault that person who cut me up I don’t know but I definitely verbally assaulted him and I remain ashamed of that behaviour to this day.

my husband won't be happy if my house is really untidy

Then he can tidy it!

I understand you completely, i have a 15 weeks old and he was like this, even my 14 months old was the same. For me what helps is “white noise” find on youtube. I had it on sometimes the whole night so my ds2 can sleep properly.. and maybe, he is teething, ds1 had his bottom teeth before he turned 4 months old and now my 15 weeks old is teething like crazy, salivating do much plus we had constipation issues as well.
For tummy ache I recommend fennel tea.
You can buy fennel seeds, just drop 10 pcs to a mug and pour hot water over it. Let cool and give your baby a bit. My health visitor said its a good one as in infacol they are suing fennel, plus extra liquid helps with the constipation. Since im giving the tea plus white noise its better. Ohh and reflux i hope you have proper medicine for the little one, DS1 had it, never ending screaming poor baby. Good luck op

Or get a cleaner organised. Sorry but you husband is being a bellend in this.

ScrimpshawTheSecond whilst wearing the baby in a sling!

Forgot to add, do massage your little one that helps. As someone said it maybe trapped wind and massaging and doing cycling really helps for the wind to get out.
Are you breastfeeding or you having formula?

I second the CMPA Facebook group.
It’s a cliche because it’s true - try a sling
Are you bf or ff? If ff which milk? If bf have you tried cutting out soya and eggs as well as dairy?

Could there be something like reflux wrong? My first cried and cried and cried, and only DH or I could soothe her. He worked full time so I was in a position similar to yours and I remember so well the angst, the rage, the awful sense that even if they were by some miracle, quiet, that you had no idea if that would last 3 minutes or 30. And so rarely 30... always on pins...

It wasnt until I had my second and eldest was older and still suffering reflux at times but could communicate it to me, that I realised. If I'd known I could have done something about it and made her more comfortable and live so much f*ing easier for me.

My health visitor was rubbish if I'm honest, but if yours is good and you havent opened up to them, do. They will/should help.

And also look into cry-sis as someone mentioned. I didn't know about them but have since heard amazing things.

But most of all remember, it will pass. Hard to imagine I know, but it will. And yes, also second asking everyone for help. It's really ok to do that.

I'm sorry I don't know how to reply to each person im new to mumsnet.

So baby has CMPA and was BF whilst I was dairy free but I changed to formula due to the toll the crying and constant feeding was taking on me. He has tried 3 milks and is now on the 4th milk (we are on day 3) so fingers crossed this helps. The milks are very thin so I use thickener which causes constipation which doesn't help. The thickener helps with the reflux alot but the constipation causes bad wind and belly ache so I can't win. He is also on colic calm 2/3 times a day but gripe water irritates his reflux. He is 13 weeks and I've started giving him 2/3 spoonfuls of food to get him used to a spoon and ill be weaning at 4 months due to his ailments with feeding.
He was also born with pneumonia and I was so exhausted whilst he was in hospital I fell asleep and dropped him from the hospital bed. He has really been through the wars. And I feel so terrible that I feel this way about him. He is lying next to me now asleep so soundly and I cant look at him without tearing up with love, but when he wakes up its a different story.......

RE; The Rage

When my husband decided to bring up the housework to me it was like all of that rage came out toward him. I screamed at the top of my lungs and then absolutely sobbed. I did 100% feel the rage toward him but I think I'd have handled it better if I wasn't bubbling over inside

My first born screamed 24/7 for the first year of her life. I feel your pain, my husband didn't really help in the beginning until I lost it one night when he was sleeping through it so I packed some bags, left with baby and slept in the car.

I sent him a hurtful message basically telling him to step up or we were not coming back (I don't recommend doing this). He did step up after claiming he didn't understand why I didn't just ask for help.

I've felt the rage and nearly 3 years on still do when I hear a baby cry or toddler whining.

Try to get out of the house when you can (sod the housework) even if baby is still screaming it's better than being stuck behind those walls constantly. I used to spend a lot of time driving as it was the only way to ever get DD to sleep, but had to go through the rage.

Don't be ashamed of allowing him to cry if you know he is clean, fed, comforted and burped. (Some people are critics of this but unless they've been in such a desperate situation they would not understand).

It makes it difficult to bond but it will come and be all the more special. Hang in there Mumma

I hope your little one feels better soon OP.

The crying would drive anyone insane, but he is crying because he is in pain.

Please continue to seek help to try and find something that could help.

My friend couldn’t bf her son and had an allergy to cows milk. The hv forced her to continue feeding that kind of formula despite her telling her about the allergy, until one day he shat blood in his nappy and her dh said enough enough and bought goats milk stuff instead.

The crying and blood stopped instantly. Poor baby had suffered for weeks because if that useless hv.

OP my ds2 was exactly the same, and I felt exactly the same. He screamed for months, it didn't get better until he started walking, which thank god he did when je was 10 and a half months. My mental health was in tatters and I really didn't have much help. My ds1 suffered because he was basically getting no attention, which broke my heart. I was worried the neighbours would think I was a terrible mother because my baby was always screaming. It was an awful time and I spent the first year of his life wishing he would grow up. Nothing worked for him, I trust me I tried everything. Even going out with him was a nightmare because I was always on edge waiting for the next round of screaming, because the gaps didn't last long. We had to leave a few restaurants because of the crying.
The only advice I can really give is to get out as much as possible. Even although it's stessful, it's better to see people or get a change of scene. It will pass eventually.

There's nothing wrong with how you are feeling. You're sleep deprived, which is a kind of torture.

There's no way out but through with this. It will get better, sooner than it feels right now. But in the meantime, you have to focus on survival. Do everything you can to rest when you can. Eat very simple meals, leave the housework. Stay in bed or on the sofa as much as possible. Leave your husband to fend for himself if he won't help. Don't do his laundry etc. You need to treat yourself like someone who is fragile and needs taking care of yourself. You can't take care of anyone else if you haven't looked after yourself first.

Lots of us have been where you are and it does get better. Best of luck x

Ah sorry op, just realised there are reasons for his crying. My ds had reflux and colic too, but nothing seemed to work for him.

I think it was good that you took it out on your husband to be honest. No way should he be saying anything about the house when you are struggling this much. Even if you weren't, you're there to bring up the kids not do housework! He should be doing his share of the housework and taking the baby off your hands! Every night when my husband got home from work he would take the baby off me so I could have a break, and my children were nowhere near as unsettled as yours. Don't think twice about going to a hotel again!!

Hi - my son is a year old now, my second, cried a lot in his first few months and was a terrible sleeper. In the early days I couldn’t have survived without a baby carrier. He was happiest curled up and snuggled into me. There is a sound sleeper baby app - didn’t work at first - but he eventually got used to the hairdryer white noise as he went to sleep. There is a black/white baby stimulation with butterflies/ blue Danube music on you tube - I tried not to use this too much as it’s a screen - but it worked wonders. Also with white noise, I was careful not to have it too loud. He is still a bad sleeper - but we’ve bonded now and I’m used to it. He falls alseeo cuddling me and then I put him in his cot when he’s been asleep for about 10mins. Ignore your dp as much as possible and preserve yourself. It DOES get better but there is a huge adjustment process. I felt exactly like you / you are not alone. The biggest saviour was the baby carrier / I just had him strapped to me/ curled into me for the first few months. His sister wasn’t like this at all xx

So I have to ask, what state was your husband in in the morning? Did that shut him up about the house?
I'd have murdered him personally - bloody hell. What a thing to say.

Poor you and poor little man, I can relate, my son is 8 months now and the first 12 weeks he cried so much, with reflux and probably from his crappy birth.

They said my son had CMPA too, he had sma althera milk, ranitidine for reflux and carobel thickener for the milk. It was also constantly chopping and changing and he didn’t seem any better so one day I just had enough, took him off everything and gave him hipp organic combiotic first milk. Within 48 hours he was no longer constipated, much better reflux wise and gave us his first smiles. We never looked back.

Are you certain he has cmpa? Did you try reintroducing milk protein and see a reaction?

Is he on meds for the reflux? Which milk is he on now? Have you had him assessed for tongue tie?

Please inbox me xx

@Elieza goats milk is not normally suitable for a child with CMPA as the proteins are very similar.

Have you had him tested for allergies? My friend’s son was like this, and he was allergic to formula. She switched to a soy based formula and he calmed down.

As others have posted, car rides can help babies sleep.

Try gripe water as well.

I’d suggest long walks for fresh air, but with Coronavirus. . .

I hope things improve for you, OP, so that you can relax and enjoy both your children.

I'm so sorry to read this. My ds was a non sleeper for first year and an hysterical crier from 6 weeks to 14 weeks. Also cmpa and reflux. Nothing can prepare you. It is truly truly horrendous, you feel as you're dying. My heart goes out to you so much.

For us it started to resolve when he could hold his head and body up well, and even more so once he could sit up. He was army crawling at 22 weeks old and that was even better. I think they get v v uncomfortable, being unable to.move and get their gas out, digestion moving along, etc. And some of it is pure frustration.

What saved me was wearing him everywhere. It was all I could do. I nearly shook him one night at 3 am. It was scary as fuck, so awful and I cried and cried, I cried with him. It's a horrible thing to go through.

Your dh sounds such an arse. Can you get a night nurse, even just once a week? Can your mum or another relative take baby? Please just get help and support around you irl. You will get through this. It's so gruelling though.