I cant cope with my babys crying

[FLO20]

My son is 3 months old. He has CMPA/Reflux/Colic/Eczema. He cries alot of the time.

Its taking its toll on my marriage but most of all on me.

I shake with rage when he wont stop crying. He has a dummy but at time just spits it out even though it does pacify him and it makes me so angry I have to put him down and walk away.

I've had his non stop crying for 13 weeks, every day. My husband helps when he is around but no matter how much of a break I get I have to come back to it.

I am struggling to bond with my son.
I have a 3 year old daughter aswell who I miss spending time with.
I know for sure I won't hurt my son but I completely can understand how people can get to the point where they have done.

I regret having him some of the time.

I feel awful saying all this but saw a post where someone else was honest and no one actually said how disgusted they were which is what I expected if I said it out loud.

Please tell me this gets better

What is the milk he is on op? My son is the same. Same age.

My son is on Alfamino. It's not runny at all. He's also on losec for his reflux, and I give him Bio Gaia probiotic drops. He now poos once a day at least and the reflux cries are a lot less.

Also your dh is a complete dickhead. I think you are right that you'd feel a lot better if he wasn't there going out of his way to make you feel worse! My husband has been good at taking the baby at night to let me sleep, otherwise I would've lost my fucking shit. One morning he let his alarm go off and kept on snoozing it and I lost it at him, like you I just felt enraged. Sleep deprivation will do that to you. He hasn't done that again!

I’ve just thought I’d something else that saved my life. DS wouldn’t sleep well in his cot, so I got one of the Chicco next to me cribs that attaches to the bed - because I was co sleeping with him so much. So my tips would be

• baby carrier (biggest lifesaver) cried first few times of using it, then he loved it. Meant by arms were free.
• crib that attaches to bed (I bought it 3 months in fir £120, sold it at 7 months for £40)
• white noise app (sound sleeper) persevere with this, it made no difference at first
• black/white baby stimulation you tube
• my dp was annoying and unhelpful, I tried not to give him any headspace and ignore him, and found it better to have a routine that didn’t involve him
• preserve yourself and sod dp/housework
• if I got angry, I put DS in safe place (cot) crying, and sat in another room for a few mins until I calmed down/or had a cry myself

Good luck and it gets a million percent better xxxxxxx

Solidarity here from me, the 😡 was just awful. Lots of lovely advice here and like others I did find earplugs took the edge off. 🎶🎶 Music too, quite loud.

@FLO20 IT is really really really difficult and I feel for you, I know where you are. I felt the same when my daughter was small and NE-VER stopped crying. I nearly lost my bloody mind. Nothing helped for us besides at night - white noise. During the day though I had to wear her everywhere and keep moving. It does get better. It might take longer than you want it to. Get support where you can. Don't be afraid to hand someone else the baby (even if the baby just cries the whole time) and go and get rest. Your wellbeing is a priority

Sorry this is happening to you, OP. If you are still breastfeeding it might be worth checking your baby for tongue tie. I only say this as my baby was misdiagnosed with cmpa by the health visitor. Only people who are IBCLC are qualified to check. Once we had that treated at around 14w things got better for us. Big hug xx

OP you posted this in relationship which I think is because you know this is a relationship issue

You panic about not being able to settle him because he has you conditioned to thinking you should tidy. He isnt helping you at all

Give him calpol if hes in pain. Ask family to have him overnight? Go see gp 4 your mood and ring iapt and self refer xx

Sorry, realise my last post sounds confusing - only people who are IBCLC are able to check for tongue tie.

I've made an appt with the GP today as my thoughts are dark and I'm just not OK with what I'm thinking and feeling.

I think I've ignored it for too long and just hoped if the baby was a bit easier or when he gets to a certain stage ill be better but I'm not.

The lack of support from my husband obviously doesn't help, but ultimately he does still need to be at work and so I need to be in the right head space for my children

My son only has to cry a bit and I am shaking with anger now. I acknowledged that today after posting my OP and getting such supportive responses.

Not sure if hiding how I feel made it easier to cope with and "get on with it", and now I've opened up I actually feel worse (if that makes sense)

My eldest was like this, he had colic from day one and it made me feel like a failure. That coupled with the traumatic birth caused PND and I admit I just didn’t want him anymore, I couldn’t cope with the none stop crying.

It did get better obviously, he’s ten now so definitely doesn’t cry all day . What you’re feeling is totally normal, you’re pretty much at breaking point after three solid months of a baby screaming none stop. As a Mother it’s instinctive to want to stop the crying ASAP so it naturally stresses you out when they cry and you can’t figure out why. You haven’t had a couple of weeks of this, it’s been months.

You need a break, can any relatives help out?

If you’re struggling to cope with your baby crying, Cry-sis run a helpline for support with crying babies on 08451 228 669.

Does your baby have omeprazole for the reflux? If he's on that you might be able to drop the thickener (which seems to be upsetting him).

Well done for making the GP appointment, you're definitely doing the right thing and I am so glad you're reaching out for more help. I honestly don't know how you're coping because I would have gone beserk by now. It's understandable that you feel worse having opened up about it, because acknowledging any kind of traumatic event (and suffering your baby screaming constantly for 3 months is traumatic) will make you feel worse short term, but it is healthy to get things out in the open in the long run. Good luck with the doc's appointment and keep talking, we're all here for you x

I don't know if you would consider this but when my youngest was a few weeks old I took him to a cranial osteopath, this was on the recommendation of a friend and it made a remarkable difference. I only went once and he hardly seemed to touch my son but honestly he came out of that appointment a different baby, much calmer. Just a suggestion.

I'm so glad that you're seeking help for your mental health. I hope it works.

I know you're using prescription milk and thickener but have you tried ranitidine, omeprazole, esomeprazole etc for little one? Even with the right milk it didn't stop until we got the right meds and they needed changing every few months as he grew. It was bloody hard work but it passes.

Good luck!

I'd definitely recommend a session with a chiropractor - worked a dream for my sister's baby who sounds very similar!

Sorry, I posted earlier on this thread but I completely forgot that I also used a cranial osteopath for my Son as he would not lay down on his back. Not a crier but had to constantly be held.

The osteopath said there was nothing wrong with him ( but said I was very stressed and should come back for a session 😂) but I swear to God that night we came home and he would go down from then on!

See-living hell at the time but now it’s all a distant memory. Only remembered when I saw comment above.

Thanks so much ladies

I saw the GP and she was lovely.
I've been prescribed sertraline and been forwarded to the mental health team for some councilling.
My son was born with Pneumonia and was in NICU when he was born. She said that may have had an effect on me aswell as the constant crying.

I admit I switched off when he was really unwell and just went into autopilot through exhaustion. I was so exhausted when he was on the ward with me after constantly sitting by his incubator for days, I fell asleep holding him and he rolled onto the floor. :(
Guilt and trauma from that is still there too.

Its just been a bit of a nightmare to be honest and underneath it is this beautiful baby who probably just wants his mum and I'm a rigid mess when he cries.

Starting the meds this morning and will see how it goes x going to use this post to vent if I can. It wont change overnight will it

It won't change overnight but you have taken a massive step today and should be so proud of yourself. And you are one day closer to it changing.

In the meantime can you try something practical like breathing exercises? Not something I usually suggest but actually a friend posted a video with them on social media yesterday and, in my absent minded scroll, I tried it. I wasn't in any kind of anxious state but actually, despite that I felt more relaxed. Maybe it could help before you pick your baby up if you just do 30 seconds if you're feeling more worked up now for having released some of the frustration?

Well done, you have taken a hugely positive step, it WILL get better. And you are on that path.

If there is anyone you can ask for help, even if just for their company for an hour or so here and there. It's so much easier if someone is with you. Ornithology used to find that anyway, they were a distraction. So kept me calmer.

I totally understand. Ds2 cried off-and-on all night, for many months.
I begged fir help and got none. I fell to my knees sobbing.
I found the HV's and GP's unsupportive and they just said I was depressed and then they contacted SS saying I couldn't look after the children.

My Dh and my mum refuted their claims, Saying I was happy and was regularly going out, meeting up with my PNG and meeting friends.

You need support. My mum came to stay for a week, and then I booked him into the gym crèche for 2 hours, regularly, just to give me a break.

Please don't let this carry on. You have to demand support!

Well done for being brave and seeking support.
Constant lack of sleep will always break even the most experienced and confident of parents.

Youngest son had severe IgE allergy to milk with very severe eczema. He did NOT sleep for more than 4 hours in 24 and none of those hours ever went together. Treatment from the regional children's hospital for his allergies and skin did eventually help. For me the game changer that kept me sane was using this specialist eczema clothing to dress him in. It could cope with hot washes, went over wet wraps and could be soaked off in a bath if need be. I had to switch to Surcare and occasionally Bio-D to wash his clothes and bedding. Sharing their URL just in case this is something that might ease some of your son's skin discomfort and some of the distress he expresses through crying. www.eczemaclothing.com/

Mine did this, the corner will turn. But not completely until about 6/7 months. Even though it doesn’t seem like it it will stop.

I found bottle type really helped.
We got the mam bottles and dummies and it was like a different baby.

Also if you can afford it pay for a night nanny or maternity nurse for 24 hours and just SLEEP. You will feel SO MUCH BETTER with sleep.

It gets better, it gets better, it gets better, promess.

My elder cried a lot, but mainly at night so even though it was hell, I managed although with a lot of frustrations and tears to bond with her. It did go in for 14 months though.

When my dp talked about second, I said no way. I was just recovering emotionally and no prepared to take the risk of it happening again. After 6 months though, broodiness took over and I trusted everyone saying 2nd babies are easier.

It wasn't, it was worse, much worse. Like your baby, he just cried, screamed rely every time he wasn't sleeping. We couldn't go anywhere and I found it so hard to also look after my eldest.

I resented my dp for going to work, even though he commuted 4 hours a day to a stressful job. Worse was when I felt this overwhelming sense if regret having had him and fantasized giving him away. It lasted until he was 4 months old. In desperation I took him to a crano osteopath. I didn't believe in it, it really was desperation having had tried everything else, and he actually got worse the following 3 days, I felt utterly helpless, emotionally drained, angry etc... and then 4 days later, the cries stopped completely and I suddenly had a smoky fun baby. No idea if it was the osteopathy or coincidence but it was magical.

My DS is now 19 and I adore him. I am actually closer to him than his sister. I bonded with him as soon as he stopped crying and I remember the say I went through the stupid but common thought if who I would save in acute and I realised that it would have to be both or none.

Hang in there, it will get better and you'll be able to put that time behind you.

I understand your first post.
Some of us have also been in a dark place, I don’t want to say much, but what could have happened, I think about everyday. It doesn’t go away.
You need support, your husband needs to know how hard it is, he doesn’t understand.
Government help such as Crysis are fucking useless.

Sorry, prematurely posted.

It gets better.
For me, driving on the motorway helped but in the middle of the night when you’ve had no sleep, isn’t the safest option.